Breaking Bad! How did I not know how great this show is?? AMC was having a marathon of Breaking Bad beginning with the first episode, so Harry and I decided to watch and see if we liked it. And it’s awesome! It’s been all Breaking Bad all the time around here. I’m going to be sad when we catch up and we only get one a week. So, if you’re not watching, you should start, yo. -Michelle M.
A Conversation With My 12 Year Old Self: 20th Anniversary Edition. This is great. I love the condescension to himself. -Ryan
Frank Ocean‘s Bad Religion on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. I just discovered his music last week, and I’m excited to see him promote his new album with a performance of an unambiguously gay song. -Ryan
Unfortunately WordPress doesn’t allow embedded video from the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, so please watch the video here: http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/frank-ocean-bad-religion/1408858
One of my favorite things this week was air conditioning! Especially in the bedroom where, coupled with a fan, I was pleasantly cool and comfortable during sleep while the world outside cooked in overnight temps in the high 80s! God bless the inventor of air conditioning! -Polt
The Rockie Mountains. They are as amazing in real life as in pictures. Granted, not as much wildlife as I’d hoped, but still an amazing sight everyone should see once in a lifetime. The 2000km round trip drive is worth it. -Tam
Earlier this week, I got something that brightened my entire week: A post card from Vancouver! I LOVE getting postcards from people when they’re on vacation and Tam is great at doing this. Just like this time. Although when she sent me one from San Francisco, it had a half-nekked guy on it. NOT that I’m complaining about this one being just a scenic landscape. nope, not at all. -Polt
And finally a video that has been making the rounds this week, it’s Paris-based electro new wave pop band The Aikiu, performing Pieces of Gold. I’ll let the (NSFW?) video speak for itself! -Adam
Craig’s Runners Up: Anticipation for the season premiere of Breaking Bad this Sunday, Tara’s sexy vamp outfit on True Blood, air conditioning, Lord of the Rings LEGOs, Amy Poehler, and Hardcore gay pornography.
What’s Your Friday Five?
Did you know that May is National Masturbation Month? I didn’t either … but Tam told me! Before you go celebrate … how about a quick Have You Ever Quiz?
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever… Masturbated?!1. Have you ever masturbated?
2. Have you never masturbated?
3. Have you ever masturbated while looking at pornography?
4. Have you ever masturbated while looking at National Geographic magazine?
5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a computer?
6. Have you ever masturbated while watching the news?
7. Have you ever masturbated in a shower?
8. Have you ever masturbated in a bathroom?
9. Have you ever masturbated in a bed?
10. Have you ever masturbated in a bath tub?
11. Have you ever masturbated in a kitchen?
12. Have you ever masturbated in public restroom?
13. Have you ever masturbated in a car?
14. Have you ever masturbated into a sock (or other article of clothing)?
15. Have you ever masturbated into a toilet?
16. Have you ever masturbated into a tissue or paper towel?
17. Have you ever masturbated while using a sex toy?
18. Have you ever masturbated in a moving vehicle?
19. Have you ever masturbated while at work?
20. Have you ever masturbated in a movie theater?
21. Have you ever masturbated at a strip club (or similar location)?
22. Have you ever masturbated on camera?
23. Have you ever masturbated with or in front of another person?
24. Have you ever masturbated with or in front of 2+ people?
25. Have you ever masturbated in your neighbor’s shed?
Now finish spanking your monkey and tell us the total in the comments!
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Last week I heard an idea for a game on a morning zoo radio show that I’ve decided to steal for your enjoyment. It’s called Adult Movie or Holiday Movie? The rules are simple: for each title below, decide if the movie is an adult (porno) movie or a sweet, holiday drama/comedy. Each title below links to the answer. Keep score and tell us your total in the comments. (Please be warned that I’ve covered all the nips and p33ns in the answer photos, but some are still NSFW.)
Three Wise Women
Mixed Nuts
A Little Christmas Tail
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Holiday in Handcuffs
Santa is Naughty And Nice
Christmas in Memphis
Very Very Bad Santa
A Christmas Visitor
Holiday For Angels
Lucky Christmas
The Ultimate Gift
Dirty Santa
Miracle on 69th Street
Playing with Mrs. Claus
12 Dates of Christmas
Desperately Seeking Santa
Santa Comes Twice
Santa Comes Again
Stocking Stuffers
Call Me Mrs. Miracle
Primary Sources: 94.5 WPST, ABC Family, Adult Film Database, Hallmark Channel, Tech Mediatainment
Craig is known round the world for his humor, puns, height, dim-wittiness and superior [tiny] cocksmanship. And as everyone’s second favorite blogger celebrates his birthday this week, we at C&R ask you this simple question: Have You Ever… With Craig?! Let’s find out.
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever spoken on the telephone with Craig?
2. Have you ever instant messaged with Craig?
3. Have you ever Skyped (or video chatted) with Craig?
4. Have you ever text messaged with Craig?
5. Have you ever been bored with Craig?
6. Have you ever laughed with Craig?
7. Have you ever cried with Craig?
8. Have you ever been annoyed with Craig?
9. Have you ever argued with Craig?
10. Have you ever hung out with Craig?
11. Have you ever partied with Craig
12. Have you ever danced with Craig?
13. Have you ever performed karaoke with Craig?
14. Have you ever locked eyes with Craig?
15. Have you ever driven in a car with Craig?
16. Have you ever been topless with Craig?
17. Have you ever swam with Craig?
18. Have you ever compared shoulder hair with Craig?
19. Have you ever been intoxicated with Craig?
20. Have you ever traded nude photos with Craig?
21. Have you ever masturbated on a webcam with Craig?
22. Have you ever been naked with Craig?
23. Have you ever had sex with Craig?
24. Have you ever had a penis “sword fight” with Craig?
25. Have you ever committed murder with Craig?
Well?! Have you? Tell us your total in the comments!
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Just about every week, Cocky & Rude presents you with a Friday Five. It’s a list of our five favorite things of the week, wrapped up in a concise package for you to enjoy. This week is no different. So sit back, relax, and enjoy (dramatic pause) the Friday Five.
First up this week is Chris Crocker. You may remember him from a few years ago when he urged the world to LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!! Fast forward all the way to 2011 and it seems that Chris has had a bit of a makeover. He’s now recording music, living with his boyfriend, … and will be starring in a full-length gay porno this summer! (Very NSFW preview photos can be found on Unrated Perez.) Oh, and he also has a Tumblr page, where he posts photos and answers questions like, “how do you know when someone loves you for you, and not for what you have, or what you can do for them?” Music, Porn, Dear Abby Chris … he’s a triple threat! Woo hoo! Way to go, Chris Crocker! I wonder if he still likes Britney?
Next up this week is something a little bit more G-Rated: Bicycling! I love to go on long bike rides (featuring tired muscles and a sore ass). But lately, my schedule has been so busy and my self has been so lazy that I just haven’t hopped onto the old 2-wheeler. So yesterday, for the first time this summer, I pumped up tires, tossed my bike into the Fit and drove to Washington Crossing State Park (that’s where Washington crossed the Delaware on Christmas in 1776 and changed the course of he American Revolutionary War). From there I rode my bike north along the D&R Canal Trail to just north of Lambertville, NJ. That’s a round trip of about 16 miles! Woo! Note: if you don’t see any blog posts after today, it means that I’ve died.
Third this week is the United States Postal Service! I must admit that it was going to be on my list of most hated things this week (because I am still waiting for all my birthday cards and presents from ALL of the C&R readers (Polt not included — he sent me a lovely card with cute boys on the front)) but the USPS really came through for me this week. They delivered Mush‘s prize for winning Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 in two days (yes, I just sent it THIS week, and yes, she won the contest on March 31st). I paid for the cheapest way to mail the box (because I’m poor) which claimed that it would get it to her in about 7 days … and it took 2. From New Jersey to Washington state in 2 days. I’m impressed. Oh, and speaking of the USPS, it’s also the cause of Patton Oswalt’s most recent tragedy. Enjoy:
Fourth this week are kittens! As a bunch of you already know, I volunteer every week at a cat shelter, where I clean up various disgusting fluids (like diarrhea, vomit, pee, etc.), empty litter boxes, replace food and water dishes, sweep, vacuum, bleach, scrub, squeegee, etc. Along with all my cleaning duties, I also get to spend a little time playing with cats … and kittens! The summer months always mean that we have lots of kittens … and in case you were somehow unaware, kittens are amazing. Not only are they playful and fun, they’re also soft, (usually) friendly, and most of all, they’re freak’n adorable. Check out this kitten video that Tam passed on to me:
And finally this week is the TV series, Fringe. I always try my best (unlike some bloggers) to avoid blabbing on and on about old TV shows that I’m watching. But I just finished watching three seasons of Fringe (over the course of about 3 weeks) and I wanna scream about it! How come I never watched this show? Have you seen it?! It’s great!! Granted, I love J.J. Abrams, the guy could take a dump for 2 hours, film it, call it a movie and I’d probably love it… But now I gotta wait until the fall season to see more Fringe? Inconceivable!!!
So that’s this week’s Friday Five. Do you love it? Chris Crocker, Bicycling, the USPS, kittens, and Fringe! It doesn’t get much better than that. Or does it? Tell me all about your five favorite things of the week in the comments!
Oh, and by the way, this week’s runners up are: the new cheap wok that I bought at Ikea, extra firm tofu, Trivial Pursuit questions (not the whole game), turtles, eBay, cancelling your Netflix subscription, and hardcore gay porn.
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Find Out Who Has The Biggest Boy-Parts! (NSFW)
While innocently surfing the Internet, I stumbled upon some survey results from a few years ago. It seems that the reputable source, Condomania.com has determined a unique rankings of average penis size in the 50 states. Here’s Condomania’s results, ordered by largest to smallest penis:
By now you’ve scanned the list to see where you rank. Are you lucky enough to be living in well-endowed New Hampshire? Or maybe you’re living in Micropenisville, Wyoming? Most of the C&R frequent commenters living in the following 8 states … and here’s how we measure up:
The results turned out quite well for the presumably well-hung Mikey, Craig, Ty, Josh, Jere and the rest of our New York commenters. Unfortunately those of us in New Jersey (like myself) and Maine didn’t quite measure up. But as those of us who are a bit less than well endowed often claim: it’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean.
A final note … New Yorkers shouldn’t whip out their junk and celebrate too quickly. When Condomania.com ranked the 20 most populated U.S. cities by their average penis size, some new facts were revealed:
It’s good news for commenters like Harry, Ryan and VUBOQ, who live in or near San Diego and Washington D.C. It looks like they may out-measure a few of our New York City friends after all.
So how do you measure up? Are these lists accurate? And what city and state will you be visiting on your next vacation?
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