July 20, 2010
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When kids dream of the future, they almost always choose the job that they will have. Some want to grow up to be an astronaut, a doctor, or president of the United States, while others hope to someday become a hardcore porn star. When I was little, I wanted to be a teacher. I always loved school and thought that teaching was a natural progression.
But the dreams of children do not begin and end with their future career. Lots of little girls (and a few special little boys) dream of what their wedding will look like. Kids dream of having a house and a family. My co-bloger Mikey dreamed of marrying Jem. Me, I dreamed of being a Muppet.
The Muppet Show, Fraggle Rock, Sesame Street, Muppet Babies, and all of the feature films were like my religion when I was growing up. I longed to live under the care of Nanny and hang out with my BFFs: Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, Fozzie, Scooter and his sister Skeeter, and Rowlf. When I grew older, I’d perform my original songs and stand-up routine on Muppets Tonight. At night I’d go home to my apartment on Sesame Street, where I’d probably live next door to Bert and Ernie (in the gay-friendly section of the street). I had it all figured out … until I realized that I wasn’t covered with felt, and would probably never experience having someone’s hand up my ass.
But then Mikey linked me to the following video on Funny or Die. Maybe I shouldn’t give up hope just yet? Hey, I guess a boy can dream of being infected by the virus…
What were your strangely illogical childhood dreams? Tell me all of your embarrassing stories in the comments!