Our second week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate two weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
Diet is an important part of every weight-loss regimen. This week, the contestants were invited to tell us how they’ve changed their diet to help attain their weight-loss goals. Here’s what they said:
Michelle M.
My diet this past week has pretty much consisted of cough drops, orange juice and ginger ale. If I could keep this up, I would reach my goal weight in no time at all. When I’m feeling better, though, I’ll be cutting out the junk food and trying not to eat after 8pm.
Ryan
My diet hasn’t changed much because I never went back to my old diet after last year. My current calorie budget is around 1800 calories from a balanced mix of carbs, protein, and fat. Like last year, oatmeal with raisins is my breakfast. Lately, I have been experimenting with dishes that combine beans and pineapple.
Tam
Yes, this picture represents my “diet” for the past week. Gotta love being on a work trip. Ugh. So I’ve only been back 3 days really, back on the “wagon”, the starvation wagon. Next week be better. Swear. I bought all the stuff to make salad for my work lunch. I like salad, I’m just to lazy to prepare it. I also have banned any ice-cream in my house that I would like to eat. No temptation. Lately I’ve been craving sweet things, so I stocked up on my fave black seedless grapes and pineapple so hopefully when I get the craving for cake, those will suffice. Now that I’m home and can determine how things are cooked I think it will be easy to be careful. I think according to Spark people I eat about 1300 – 1500 calories a day. I’m usually at the low end if I pay attention and am not at the muffin/beer buffet. Hey, but at least I’m not up. Go me.
TwoPi
I love to cook. It is a central piece of who I am, one of my favorite recreational activities. Whatever dietary changes I put in place now need to be ones I can sustain for the long haul. So for the most part, I’m unwilling to change my diet, my cooking habits, although I am working toward incorporating more green vegetables and less protein, less fat, into the choices I make. The primary change in my diet isn’t what I’m eating, but how much I’m eating. I’m trying to be conscious of portion sizes, of not taking seconds, of not snacking out of boredom. (I love numbers, but I’m not counting calories.) No doubt the scale shows that I’m making modest progress at best, but in all honesty I’m not worried about losing the most weight in BC&RL3, I more concerned with being able to keep the weight off while still feeling satisfied in the kitchen and dining room.
Polt
So this week, we’re supposed to talk about how our diet’s changed. Mine…hasn’t. Although, come to think of it, I have been eating a lot of Cheetos lately. That shouldn’t be a problem, I mean they’re just cheesey-powder covered air anyway, right? And air has no calories, right? So, yeah, this is a good thing in my opinion.
Mikey
My diet has changed moderately so far. I’m working to cut back on fried foods and unnecessary sugars (like tonic….sure club soda is really boring, but so many fewer calories!). I never count calories, only cocktails, of which there have been few since I am sick with bronchitis and I shouldn’t even be writing this thing. The upside to being sick is that I’m losing weight by not doing much. That’s awesome.
Adam
This week, like many of the other BC&RL3-ers, I was plagued by illness. A splitting migraine and a 4-5 days of nausea left me without much in my belly. My diet (now that I have recovered) will consist of healthy meals and no snacking. I usually eat very healthy meals, but I’m awful at maintaining my diet once the sun goes down. Cookies, chips, pretzels and candy are the salty and sweet nightly demons that make me fat. But no more!
Mr. Sombrero
I have to admit that I haven’t given much thought to the diet factor of this challenge. Nutritionally my diet is pretty good but my biggest enemies are peanut butter and quesadillas. That will be the toughest part, scaling down on those yummy monsters. And the fact that Adam just gave me his quesadilla maker is not making it any easier to get on track… Now that I think about it, he might be trying to sabotage me… [insert gasp and dramatic telenovela music here]
And now, the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
When I was lil, I had such a crush on Kirk Cameron. He was just so cute! But then he grew up, went completely looney toon and became an awful gay-hating monster. Way to crush my filthy childhood fantasies! Watch this.
I love October for two reasons. One – Halloween! And two, it’s the month that I finally got Harry to marry me. On the 14th, we made it to nine years (9 married, 14 total) without killing each other. Yay!
People never often ask us, “How have you two managed to stay together so long?” The answer? No one else would have us. We do stuff. Here is just some of the stuff we’ve done over the years.
Hiking.
Skiing.
Having friends for dinner.
Hanging out with Cooper.
Watching TV.
Being tourists.
Gliding.
Tubing.
Diving.
Celebrating the holidays.
And, of course, dressing up for Halloween.
But mostly we just watch tv.
Mostly.
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
TOM & JERRYAKA / Alias / Nicknames: Tom Cat and Jerry Mouse, Tom was called “Jasper” and Jerry was known as “Jinx” in their debut appearances
First Appearance: February 10th, 1940 in Puss Gets the Boot
Created by: William Hanna and Joseph Barbera
Place of Birth: Unknown
Hair Color: Tom is white and two shades of gray (or blue), Jerry is two shades of brown
Species: Cat & Mouse
Current Residence: A house
Relationship Status: Usually fighting, occasionally friends
Occupations (current and/or past): Tom is a house cat, Jerry is vermin
Notable Appearances: Television: The Tom and Jerry Show (ABC, 1975), The Tom and Jerry Comedy Show (CBS, 1980–1982), Tom & Jerry Kids (FOX, 1990–1995), Tom and Jerry Tales (The CW, 2006–2008) Movies: Jerry danced with Gene Kelly in the GM musical feature film Anchors Aweigh (1945), Tom and Jerry: The Movie (Turner Pictures/Film Roman/WMG, 1993), A new feature film is rumored to be in production.
Height & Weight: Tom weighs approximately 12lbs, Jerry weighs approximately 7 ounces
Hobbies: attempting to kill each other
Favorite Song: their own theme song
Awards: 7 Academy Awards for Best Short Subject: Cartoon
Known for: their famous cartoon series
Catch Phrases: Tom and Jerry almost never speak
Favorite Food: Tom’s favorite food is Jerry, Jerry’s favorite food is cheese
Claim to Fame: In 2000, TIME named the series one of the greatest television shows of all time.
Favorite curse word: none
First appearing in a 1940 cartoon short, the characters of Tom & Jerry have been a favorite of children everywhere for over 70 years! Tom & Jerry have appeared in a ridiculous amount of theatrical animated shorts, television shows, movies, specials, video games, and more. Although they’re usually at odds with each other, this cat & mouse duo have decided to put their differences aside and enter the C&R Fight Club ring as allies. Their secret weapons include possible invincibility and immortality (after all, they’re still alive after a 70-year battle and don’t look as if they’ve even aged a day), giant hammers, mouse traps, stinky cheese, and wealth of friends and accomplices.
JEREAKA / Alias / Nicknames: Call me “Jer-bear” and I’ll kill you
Date of Birth & Age: May 29, 34
Created by: Equal parts luck, genius and boozy, regret-filled night
Place of Birth: The City by the Pestilent Sea
Hair Color: fleshy white boy
Species: hillbilly wearleopard
Current Residence: Harlem
Relationship Status: desperate
Occupations (current and/or past): former journalist, current law student, lifelong professional homosexual
Notable Appearances (Film, TV, etc): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3frIKv7X-fM
Height & Weight: 1800 calories a day diet
Hobbies: voting 1 star for “very poor” on Cocky & Rude posts. Especially those involving cat urine.
Favorite Song (this week): Monster by Kanye West [feat. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Bon Iver, and Nicki Minaj]
Awards: “Best BJ of All Time” as acknowledged by several random guys
Known for: Inappropriate and unfunny sexual harassment.
Catch Phrases: “Hey teen gang, let’s go [insert name of activity we were going to do anyway]!”
Favorite Food: Taco Bell Bean Burritos
Claim to Fame: Indestructible.
Favorite curse word: Justin Bieber’s Cunt!
Little is known about where Jere comes from, what he does with his time, or with whom he associates. This is remarkable because Jere is like the opposite of internet privacy and he frequently broadcasts his whereabouts, activities, thoughts and bowel movements to a world-wide web that largely pays no attention at all. Gossip tabloids have linked him romantically to famous person Tyler Posey of Teen Wolf, but Jere denies these rumors, commenting “I don’t date 20-year-old guys. Anymore.” Jere’s secret weapons include: The fact that he’s a dog person, he hasn’t had rodents in my apartment since the great “humane trap” invasion of fall 2010, he has an unlimited supply of siblings and family member who’ve got his back, and if all else fails, he’ll sue your ass.
Who will win in the battle of Tom & Jerry vs. Jere? Will Tom & Jerry team up and combine their strengths to defeat Jere? Or will Jer-bear sue them to death while screaming “Justin Bieber’s Cunt!” at the top of his lungs? There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to both Jere and Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
As we move forward with the merger of Cocky & Rude and Puntabulous, there are a lot of wrinkles that need to be ironed out. Each day, your two favorite bloggers (along with Craig) are working tirelessly as they proceed with the union. And like so many marriages, there have been a few bumps in the road. Check out this thread of emails, which I secretly intercepted (from my own inbox).
Friday, 10:30am
From: Adam
To: Mikey; CraigI guess we won?
Friday, 10:31am
From: Mikey
To: Adam; CraigAnd yet he still referred to the merged site as Puntabucock!
Friday, 10:33am
From: Adam
To: Mikey; CraigDon’t worry — I’m planning to squeeze him right out of the organization, just like Zuckerberg did to New-Spiderman.
Friday, 10:34am
From: Mikey
To: Adam; Craigthe new spider-man who was on an episode of Doctor Who Series three with Martha!
Friday, 10:36am
From: Adam
To: Mikey; CraigYup, and that’s why I’m going to eliminate you as well. ME AND Justin Timberlake are gunna run Cocktabulous all the way to TRILLIONAIRE.
Friday, 10:45am
From: Adam
To: Mikey; CraigI wish craig would respond to this so I could turn it into a “leaked internal email thread” blog post.
Friday, 10:51am
From: Craig
To: Adam; MikeyBullshit. It’s Puntabucock or nothing.
Friday, 10:54am
From: Adam
To: Craig; MikeySo the poll on Puntabulous and your reader’s opinions means nothing?
Friday, 10:57am
From: Craig
To: Adam; MikeyThe readers mean everything to me. That’s why I must protect them from making the wrong choices.
Friday, 11:00am
From: Mikey
To: Craig; AdamSo the poll on Puntabulous and your reader’s opinons MEAN nothing, ADAM!!!!
Friday, 11:02am
From: Adam
To: Mikey; Craighuh?
Friday, 11:04am
From: Mikey
To: Adam; Craigyou wrote “So the poll on Puntabulous and your reader’s opinions means nothing?” which is grammatically incorrect…poll and opinions mean nothing is correct
Friday, 11:06am
From: Craig
To: Mikey; AdamAs the man behind the revenue making (NSFW) portion of Puntabucock, my opinion matters more.
Friday, 11:11am
From: Adam
To: Mikey; CraigAs president, the final decision rests in my hands.
Friday, 11:11am
From: Mikey
To: Craig; AdamThe name Cocktabulous is more likely to lead to “found money” (i.e. people searching for “cock”)
Friday, 11:14am
From: Craig
To: Adam; MikeyOh, so the readers’ opinions mean nothing to you?
Friday, 11:17am
From: Adam
To: Mikey; CraigNo, only the readers’ wallets.
Friday, 11:26am
From: Craig
To: Adam; MikeyI can’t wait to expose who you really are! You’re a monster!
Friday, 11:27am
From: Mikey
To: Adam; Craiga monster who uses a big purple dildo for purposes that I would rather not know about
Friday, 11:31am
From: Adam
To: Mikey; CraigYea, I still don’t understand why you insisted that Craig draw one of the doodles with a big dildo. I’ve never owned, used or threatened anyone with a dildo.
Friday, 11:33am
From: Mikey
To: Adam; Craigyou don’t have to lie just because you wan to post this on the blog
Friday, 11:35am
From: Adam
To: Craig; MikeyCraig — for the video section, I think we should introduce a “HAVE YOU EVER?!” series where we attach the respondents to a lie-detector test.
Friday, 11:59am
From: Craig
To: Adam; MikeyGENIUS! Can we taze them if they lie?
Friday 12:00 noon
From: Mikey
To: Adam; Craigif we get a medical and legal release
It’s a close look at the gears turning in the minds of the geniuses behind Puntabucock Cocktabulous. Truly fascinating, isn’t it?
 | Tasha on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Vagina. on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | goblinbox on Biggest C&R Loser 201… |
 | Order Now! Fool Me T… on Commenter Cocktails! |
 | Jones sabo and maybe… on What Animal Are You? |
 | MsElenath on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
Have You Ever … On Your Birthday?!
You know the rules but I’ll tell you anyway: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever had a birthday?
9. Have you ever received a free meal at a restaurant on your birthday?
20. Have you ever had to spend your birthday alone?
2. Have you ever received a crappy gift on your birthday?
3. Have you ever bought yourself a present on your birthday?
4. Have you ever worked on your birthday?
5. Have you ever thrown yourself a party on your birthday?
6. Have you ever been surprised by a birthday party at work on your birthday?
7. Have you ever been surprised by a surprise party on your birthday?
8. Have you ever baked yourself a cake on your birthday?
10. Have you ever received a free drink at a bar on your birthday?
11. Have you ever turned into a gluttonous cake monster on your birthday?
12. Have you ever thrown up on your birthday?
13. Have you ever been disappointed (for any reason) on your birthday?
14. Have you ever lied about your age on your birthday?
15. Have you ever forgotten your own birthday?
16. Have you ever ignored your birthday and hoped it would just go away?
17. Have you ever cried on your birthday?
18. Have you ever gotten really drunk on your birthday?
19. Have you ever used illegal drugs on your birthday?
21. Have you ever broken up with someone on your birthday?
22. Have you ever deleted your birthday on Facebook just to see who really remembers your birthday?
23. Have you ever had sex on your birthday?
24. Have you ever received any type of sex act as a birthday gift?
25. Have you ever slept with a prostitute on your birthday?
Tell us your total in the comments!
Rate this:
Share this:
Like this: