Did you watch the Oscar awards on Sunday? The whole show? And you managed to stay awake?! AMAZING!! You deserve an award. But too bad! There’s only one award that we’re handing out today… the award for the 2nd Annual Cocky & Rude Oscar Contest! This year’s winner correctly predicted 20 of the 24 Academy Award categories. AND NOW … without further ado … (after all, why wait until the end of the post when the winner is someone who has never commented on C&R before?), the winner is: Bart Randall from Los Angeles, California! Yippee! Hurray! Woohoo!!! Congratulations!
Already in the mail and jetting its way to California is an assortment of seven movie theater-style candies, two packs of microwave popcorn and a brand new DVD of Lindsay Lohan in Walt Disney’s Herbie Fully Loaded! Wow, what a great prize!
So how did I tabulate the results? In a giant messy spreadsheet! Check it out!
Here’s the full roundup of the results:
My favorite two category results were Best Cinematography and Best Actor in a Supporting Role. Why, you ask?
It’s because 100% of the people that entered the 2nd Annual Cocky & Rude Oscar Contest chose the Best Cinematography winner incorrectly. You’re all dummies! (And so am I!) In the Best Supporting Actor category, nearly everyone picked the correct winner (which was Christopher Plummer for Beginners) — EXCEPT Tam and Polt. Ha! They stink! Lolz!
Each year we invite contest participants to predict the Best and Worst Dressed Academy Award celebrity attendee. Since these categories are subjective, they do not count towards final scores.
This Year’s Best Dressed Predictions:
Meryl Streep, Viola Davis and Michelle Williams all tied for Best Dressed with three votes each. Emma Stone was next with two votes, and then everyone else tied with one vote each.
This Year’s Worst Dressed Predictions:
Meryl Streep won Worst Dressed with three votes. Glenn Close, Michelle Williams, Rooney Mara and Sacha Baron Cohen tied for second place with two votes each. Everyone else tied with one vote each.
Congratulations to Meryl Streep and Michelle Williams for being our (predicted) Best AND Worst Dressed celebrities! And Congratulations to Bart Randall for winning the 2nd Annual Cocky & Rude Oscar Contest! So what did you think of this year’s Oscar Awards? Any surprises? Who was the best & worst dressed of the night? What did you think of Jennifer Lopez’s nip, Angelina Jolie’s emaciated leg, Billy Crystal’s break out from the old folks home, and the rest of Sunday night’s silliness? Any thoughts for next year? Who should host? Do you even care about the Oscars? Let’s discuss in the comments!!
The Oscar Awards are right around the corner … and we’re excited! That’s why C&R is bringing you the 2nd Annual Cocky & Rude Oscar Contest. Simply cast your ballot and you’ll be entered to win this year’s prize: A Movie Watcher’s Prize Pack (valued at approx. $15!). The prize includes an assortment of seven movie theater-style candies, two packs of microwave popcorn and a brand new DVD of Lindsay Lohan in Walt Disney’s Herbie Fully Loaded! Tune in to watch the 84th Annual Academy Awards on February 26th, 2012.
THIS CONTEST CLOSED Thursday, February 23rd, 2012 at 11:59:59PM EST, LATE ENTRIES WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED.
Limit one entry per person and per IP address. If multiple entries are submitted, only your first will be counted. Contest entries must be submitted on or before Thursday, February 23rd, 2012 at 11:59:59PM EST. No late entries will be accepted. In the case of a tie, a single winner will be randomly selected by Adam. “Best Dressed” and “Worst Dressed” categories do not count towards or against your final score. Contest winners and all rankings will be announced at 12:01AM EST on Tuesday, February 28th, 2012. If there are any conflicts, Adam has the final determining say. Prize will be mailed to the winner within one week of announcement.
In the comments, tell us your favorite movie, actor, actress or director of the year, whether or not they were nominated. Good luck & thanks for playing!
1. Clip your toenails.
2. Organize your grocery store coupons.
3. Admire Polt’s ass.
4. Twiddle your thumbs.
5. Stare at the wall.
6. Watch the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.
7. Read a book.
8. Watch The Notebook to balance out the world.
9. Organize a box of Fruit Loops by color.
10. Call all your butch friends who are watching the Super Bowl, just to chat.
11. Roll pennies.
12. Watch paint dry.
13. Clean out your closet.
14. Stuff everything that you took out of your closet into another closet.
15. Alphabetize your DVDs.
16. Comb your back hair.
17. Go shopping.
18. Clean out your refrigerator.
19. Replace the batteries in your smoke detectors.
20. Clean the dead bugs out of your ceiling lamps.
21. Make sure that everything hanging in your home is perfectly level.
22. Tweeze your eyebrows.
23. Catch up on Glee.
24. Look up naked women on the Internet and ponder why vaginas are just so damn disgusting.
25. Actually read one of those m/m short stories that Tam is always reviewing.
26. Masturbate.
27. Watch grass grow.
28. Play solitaire.
29. Add hundreds of pointless life events to your Facebook timeline.
30. Organize your porn.
31. Prune your pubes.
32. Microwave random things until they explode.
33. Perfect a foreign accent.
34. Plot world domination.
35. Perform an interpretive dance of LMFAO‘s I’m Sexy and I Know It.
36. Bake and decorate a cake.
37. Plan your future wedding.
38. Go grocery shopping (the store will be EMPTY).
39. Re-read every C&R post and comment on all of them.
40. Actually visit Our T.V. Night (because no one ever does).
41. Build a sex machine.
42. Nap.
43. Compose a C&R guest post and email it to Adam.
44. Learn the beautiful art of flower arraigning.
45. Drink alcohol until you pass out.
46. Lick the black mold that’s growing on your bathroom wall.
47. Clean your house.
48. Exercise.
49. Go see a movie.
50. Dream up 50 more things that you could do instead of watching the Super Bowl.
Special thanks to Mikey and Craig for their assistance with this post.
Last year, C&R told you the truth about the first Thanksgiving, and how it lead to the birth of Polt. In case you’ve forgotten, here it is:
About 7000 years ago, this dude named Columbus sailed across the Atlantic Ocean. The Queen of Spain had given him three boats: The Nina, the Pinta and the Titanic. After 14 days and 14 nights, Columbus landed at Plymouth Acclaim Rock where he met Pocahontas and George Washington! Pocahontas was totally turned off by Columbus’s bad style (buckles and funny black hats), so she went off to have a threesome with John Smith and the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Columbus was SO pissed (because Pocahontas had nice tits and he wanted to motorboat them), that he raped a bunch of Native American and gave them all smallpox. Rude!
Polt's Proud Papa!
To celebrate his mascara, Columbus, Lois, Clark and Ernie Hudson all went to an Indian casino and saw a live performance by Barry Manilow! Columbus instantly turned gay and fell in love with Barry. That night they had crazy butt sex. One year later, Baby Polt sprung from Barry Manilow’s loins! Everyone was happy and gave each other blowjobs to commemorate the day of Polt’s birth. Columbus dressed Baby Polt in purple, and fed him a first meal of microwaved Lean Cuisine turkey, apple cobbler and maize.
And so began the American tradition of Thanksgiving: the day in which we all give thanks for Polt. We’ve celebrated it every year on this day since the beginning of time (Polt is very old), and will continue to do so until we become bored with the whole damn thing. (source)
But that’s not quite the end of the story. Today is Black Friday, and wouldn’t you just know it — Polt was there for the very first Black Friday! Here’s how it happened:
6985 years ago, Polt (who was 14, if you do the math) was having sex for the first time with a cute little Asian boy named George Takei. Suddenly, something hit him right in the face! After he wiped himself off, he had a thought: what if the people of the United States celebrated his birth every year by having butt sex with Asians (preferably with hairthings)? Without hesitation, he grabbed his purple iPhone and told Suri Cruise to call his BFF, President Abraham Lincoln.
Polt and A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat enjoy some pornography.
A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat (as Polt used to call him) thought that it was a grand idea, as he had just finished “banging Margaret Cho ‘old-school style’ in the oval office while both Florence Nightingale and Florence Henderson watched.” Polt commended the President on his stellar cocksmanship and wished him a good evening.
The next day, President Lincoln called a special joint session of Congress (it was on a Saturday!) where all the Democrats and douchey Republicans argued about Polt’s idea of Asian Sex Friday. George Washington thought it might be a little “too controversial” and Bill Clinton was concerned that he would only be allowed to have sex once a year. At one point, Al Sharpton just started screaming “racist!” over and over again.
After years of debate, temper tantrums and filibustering (oh, and we can’t forget Polt’s daily nagging messages on Facebook), Congress decided to officially name the day after Thanksgiving: “Butt Sex with a Latin, Indian, Spanish, Caucasian, African, Arabic or Black Friday.” Polt and A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat celebrated the naming of the official holiday by going to see ‘How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying’ on Broadway. In the middle of the performance, Harry Potter zapped A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat in the head with his wand and assassinated him. Bummer!
Over the years, the name of the day after Thanksgiving has been shortened to: “Black Friday.” The meaning has also changed slightly, as it is now associated with shopping. (Because everyone knows that shopping is better than sex!)
And that’s how Black Friday really came to be!
Happy Black Friday Birthday, Polt!
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Have You Ever … Had Bad Business Etiquette?!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever farted loudly at work?
7. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a client/supplier/customer?
13. Have you ever left the copier jammed after you jammed it?
21. Have you ever been physically struck by a coworker
2. Have you ever burped loudly at work?
3. Have you ever pooped your pants at work?
4. Have you ever cursed at a coworker?
5. Have you ever been cursed at by a coworker?
6. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a coworker?
8. Have you ever stunk up the office with your nasty smelling food?
9. Have you ever eaten someone else’s food out of the office fridge?
10. Have you ever hogged the work microwave for 5 minutes warming up frozen food?
11. Have you ever borrowed office supplies off of a coworkers desk and not returned them?
12. Have you ever finished the office coffee and not made another pot?
14. Have you ever stolen office supplies from the office for home use?
15. Have you ever been reprimanded for not adhereing to the dress code at work?
16. Have you ever clogged the toilet at work and not tell anyone?
17. Have you ever snuck out of the office early and not tell anyone?
18. Have you ever used your lunch hour to interview for another job?
19. Have you ever complained about your job on facebook while at your job?
20. Have you ever physically struck a coworker?
22. Have you ever sexually harassed a coworker?
23. Have you ever been sexually harassed by a coworker?
24. Have you ever been sexually harassed by your boss?
25. Have you ever had sex with a coworker?
Tell us your total in the comments!
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