This guy used to be a fat ass until he started masturbating 100 times a day!
A recent article on Shine From Yahoo! has listed the amount of calories you can burn by participating in romantic activities.
Making Out, 30 minutes: 230 calories
Foreplay, 20 minutes: 87 calories for women, 107 for men
Unclasping a bra with both hands: 8 calories
Unclasping a bra with one hand: 18 calories
Unclasping a bra with your mouth: 67 calories
Strip Tease: 60 calories
Oral Sex: 100 calories
Missionary Position, 10 minutes: 250 calories
Woman on Top, 10 minutes: 300 calories for women, 130 calories for men
Sex Standing Up: Up to 600 calories for both people
Masturbation: Up to 150 calories per session
Orgasm: From 60-100 calories
What does this mean?
Each time you eat three Oreo cookies (160 calories), you should perform one session of oral sex and then do a strip tease.
After eating a scoop of vanilla ice cream (2-1/2 oz. – 170 calories), you should masturbate and then unclasp a bra with on hand.
After binging on an entire jar of peanut butter (18 oz. – 3,200 calories), you should have sex standing up 5 times and then unclasp about 12 bras with one hand.
I think you get the point…
So how many calories have you burned lately? Why do we even bother exercising when we can just bang instead? And after reading this, are you going to rethink your exercise routine?
February 14th – 21st is National Condom Week! Originating at the University of California, Berkeley in the ‘70s, National Condom Week is a great time to focus on the importance of safe sex. With Valentine’s Day serving as the kick-off for National Condom Week, we’re reminded to love ourselves enough to prevent the spread of sexually-transmitted diseases and avoid unintended pregnancy. (source)
The rules to Have You Ever?! are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!
1. Have you ever worn a condom?
2. Have you ever purchased condoms?
3. Have you ever brought a friend with you while you bought condoms to make it less uncomfortable?
4. Have you ever bought condoms while with the person you intended on using them with?
5. Have you ever witnessed a condom being put onto a banana in school?
6. Have you ever used a female condom?
7. Have you ever stretched a condom over your head?
8. Have you ever inflated a condom like a balloon?
9. Have you ever used condoms as water balloons?
10. Have you ever thrown away condoms because they had expired?
11. Have you ever practiced putting on a condom by yourself so you were better at it when the opportunity arose later on?
12. Have you ever masturbated while wearing a condom?
13. Have you ever ejaculated into a condom?
14. Have you ever used a condom with a sex toy?
15. Have you ever put a condom onto someone else?
16. Have you ever performed fellatio on partner that was wearing a condom?
17. Have you ever engaged in sexual activities while wearing a condom?
18. Have you ever engaged in sexual activities while a partner was wearing a condom?
19. Have you or a partner ever worn a condom that was ribbed for his or her pleasure?
20. Have you or a partner ever worn a glow-in-the-dark condom?
21. Have you or a partner ever worn a flavored condom?
22. Have you or a partner ever worn a Magnum (or other brand extra-large) condom?
23. Have you or a partner ever broken a condom while engaging in sexual activities?
24. Have you ever drank ejaculate out of a condom?
25. Have you ever saved a used condom?
A few weeks ago there were a few power transformer fires and failures in my area of New Jersey. As a result, myself and the residents of my neighborhood were faced with some time without our beloved electricity. These outages meant that we didn’t have TV, Internet, lights, refrigerators … any of the modern conveniences that civilized human beings have grown accustomed to. So what is there to do when the power goes out? Here’s 10 helpful suggestions…
1. Wait it out. The power is bound to come back soon. Try staring at a light bulb until it turns back on, repeatedly hitting the power button on your television’s remote control, or perhaps flipping a light switch up and down until to works.
2. Spend time with others. Instead of just waiting for the power to come back, why not spend time waiting with someone else? Have a conversation, play a game, tell stories … pay some face-time now so you don’t have to waste precious Internet time when the power comes back.
3. Read. Sick of all the together-time? Then how about some alone time? Grab that novel that you’ve always wanted to read, or that stack of magazines that you haven’t gotten to yet. Find a sunny window or bright candle and read.
4. Let the batteries run out. Sick of reading? Then power up your cell phone, laptop computer or iPod and enjoy your electronics until the batteries run out. You’ve probably got a few hours of juice left.
5. Organize and clean. This option is kind of a bummer, so you might as well just skip it.
6. Have Sex. Why clean when you can make a mess and squirt your bodily fluids all over a willing participant? You don’t need to have the lights on to have sex … sometimes it’s even better when you can’t see your partner.
7. Masturbate. If you’re not lucky enough to have sex with a mate or willing neighbor, then why not your hand? Granted, you’ll have to use your imagination or old-fashioned pornography (magazines) to get excited… Oh, and don’t forget — vibrators usually run on batteries.
8. Eat. When you’re done with sexitime (or self-sexitime), why not chow down on all that melting food in the fridge? Start with the junk food in the freezer (ice cream), and work your way through your cold storage. After all, it’s all just going to spoil anyway.
9. Get Drunk. Finished with the fridge? Head to the liquor cabinet next. The power has probably been out for hours now … so why not just drink the darkness away?
10. Go to sleep. You’re stuffed to the gills and completely drunk. Just go to sleep. Maybe the power will be back on when you wake up. If not? Then just repeat the process.
There are many Mikeys in the world. There’s Mikey Jordan, Mikey Bolton, Mikey Jackson, Mikey J. Fox, and Mikey Douglas, among others. But no Mikey is more special to us than our Mikey. And on this day that we celebrate the birth of Mikey, I wanted to do something a little special. So today we’re going to take a quick peek into the life of Mikey … and what he does when he’s not busy blogging at C&R.
Every day, Mikey goes to work. While there, he gets angry, thinks about stars, question marks, swirls, Justins and exclamation points. And then he nearly poops himself.
Whenever they have free time, Mikey and his boyfriend Ty go to the beach. They love to run while carrying their matching blue surf boards. Check out Mikey’s lovely bresticles! And what a figure! Hotcheewowow!
Mikey is also obsessed with everything British. Totally trumping his obsession with Doctor Who was the recent royal wedding. Unfortunately, the Queen has banned him for life from Buckingham Palace after he photobombed this royal portrait.
One of Mikey’s favorite pastimes? Licking pussies. Especially ginger ones!
Speaking of gingers … Mikey is so jealous of those of us with fiery locks that he spends a lot of his alone time with an orange Sharpie marker, “fixing” photos of himself.
Something else he does when he’s all alone … Mikey enjoys surfing the internet for “video entertainment!” I wonder if that one will make it onto the Friday Five?
Mikey also loves fun, fun, fun, fun and look’n forward to the weekend with his
buddies Rebecca Black and Braces Girl!
And Mikey loooooooooooves Justin. So like every devoted fan, Mikey attends every single Justin Bieber concert in the northern hemisphere.
But when he’s not get’n down with Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber,
Mikey also fancies himself quite the performer!
He’s even had a few guest roles on Glee!
But Mikey’s star is rising. We’re pleased to announce Mikey’s latest role…
he’s starring in a brand new motion picture!
Check out the Cocky & Rude World Exclusive trailer for Unnecessary Force:
It’s truly an honor to be in the presence of such a great talent. We only hope that as his star rises, he remembers where he came from. It’s also an honor to wish my friend a happy birthday!
As March marches to a close, Cocky & Rude wanted to remind you of all super-fantastic-amazing-great stuff there is out there to celebrate. Get your engines ready for the Friday Five because this week we are going from zero to 60 in really short period of time.
Is it Friday Yet?
Yes it is! Otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this post. Do you know how I know it is Friday? By clicking this link given to me by my ever wonderful coworker. Nothing could be more fun than a website that tells you when you have finally gotten to Friday. Check it out all next week to see what happens!
Shhhhhhpring
In case you didn’t notice because of all the hail, freezing rain and snow, it is spring. Well Chloe didn’t miss a beat. She’s ready for the flowers, the food, and the fashion of the season. You don’t believe me, do you? Well let Madame Chloe Sevigny speak for himself.
A Sleazy Man’s Best Friend
Friday night is a traditional go out, drink, and hit on some people kinda night. Thanks to this handy website I found earlier this week you will all be prepared to meet the man or woman of the moment. With gems like “I’m like a Rubik’s Cube … The more you play with me the harder I Get!” and “There are 206 bones in the human body… do you want another one?” how can you not get any tail tonight? Sure you’ll get some drinks in your face from time to time, but there is bound to be some one who will have a sense of humor and take some pity on you.
Tenga Flip Hole
When the pickup lines above don’t work for you, you are going to need something to help you get happy. And Tam knew exactly what we needed. She sent us the link to the following instructional video that got us ready to go in no time. Think you don’t need a state-of-the-art masturbation aid? Well you haven’t seen the Tenga Flip Hole.
Deflowered Vase
If al this talk of sex and flip holes has gotten you curious about reproductive anatomy, I have just the answer to your worries. I know you are all expecting some sort of weird instructional video in Japanese, but I hope you aren’t disappointed. What we have is your basic household vase in the shape of the female reproductive organs. Think of the symbolism of growing flowers in your very own ceramic uterus. This is a real thing that you can do. Just visit Design Milk to find out how to purchase one. I do NOT want one for my birthday.
And there you have it, blog buddies. First five things of spring: Is it Friday Yet?, Chloe does Spring, Cheesey Pick-up lines, Tenga Flip Hole, & the Uterus Vase. What do you think? Did we pick well? What is on your list this week? Leave it in the comments!
So how did you spend your Valentine’s Day? Out and about with the one you love? Or maybe you sat at home and cried while furiously masturbating and eating chocolates that you bought yourself on clearance at WalMart? Who cares! It’s a new day, and here at C&R we don’t judge you! We love all of our readers the same (except for Michelle M., who we love just a little bit more than the rest of you). So in the spirit of non-judgment, it’s time to embark upon what may be the most disgusting Have You Ever?! quiz since our last incredibly disgusting Have You Ever?! quiz! That’s right — today we’re going to ask you about your deep, dark self-consumption secrets. The rules are the same as they always are. For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments section.
Have You Ever…1. Have you ever tasted your own blood?
2. Have you ever tasted one of your own boogers?
3. Do you consume your own boogers on a regular basis?
4. Have you ever tasted your own ear wax?
5. Have you ever purposefully tasted your own sweat?
6. Have you ever consumed your own fingernails?
7. Have you ever consumed your own toenails?
8. Have you ever licked your hand?
9. Have you ever licked your foot?
10. Have you ever purposely consumed your own hair?
11. Have you ever consumed a scab?
12. Do you consume your own scabs on a regular basis?
13. Have you ever tasted your own acne pus?
14. Have you ever tasted your own tears?
15. Have you ever consumed flakes of your own dry skin?
16. Have you ever pulled off and consumed bits of your skin?
17. Have you ever pulled off and consumed bits of your own scalp?
18. Have you ever tasted your own urine?
19. Have you ever tasted your own feces?
20. Have you ever tasted your own semen?
21. Do you consume your own semen on a regular basis?
22. Have you ever tasted your own vaginal fluids?
23. Have you ever tasted your own menstrual fluids?
24. Have you ever injured yourself to the point of needing medical attention after removing and consuming a piece of your own body?
25. Have you ever been diagnosed and/or treated for problems stemming from self-cannibalism?
When you’re finished eating yourself, tell us your total in the comments!
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NSFW: Have You Ever… ?!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever masturbated?
7. Have you ever masturbated in a shower?
13. Have you ever masturbated in a car?
22. Have you ever masturbated on camera?
2. Have you never masturbated?
3. Have you ever masturbated while looking at pornography?
4. Have you ever masturbated while looking at National Geographic magazine?
5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a computer?
6. Have you ever masturbated while watching the news?
8. Have you ever masturbated in a bathroom?
9. Have you ever masturbated in a bed?
10. Have you ever masturbated in a bath tub?
11. Have you ever masturbated in a kitchen?
12. Have you ever masturbated in public restroom?
14. Have you ever masturbated into a sock (or other article of clothing)?
15. Have you ever masturbated into a toilet?
16. Have you ever masturbated into a tissue or paper towel?
17. Have you ever masturbated while using a sex toy?
18. Have you ever masturbated in a moving vehicle?
19. Have you ever masturbated while at work?
20. Have you ever masturbated in a movie theater?
21. Have you ever masturbated at a strip club (or similar location)?
23. Have you ever masturbated with or in front of another person?
24. Have you ever masturbated with or in front of 2+ people?
25. Have you ever masturbated in your neighbor’s shed?
Now finish spanking your monkey and tell us the total in the comments!
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