February 1, 2012
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It’s been quite a while since my last Piss Puddle game … and there’s actually a reason. A month or so ago, Adam and I were shopping at our local fancy pet boutique (Walmart) and we decided that it was healthier for me and better for the environment to switch to a all-natural, corn-based kitty litter. Sadly, my new litter does not leave very obvious piss puddles … so we assumed that the Piss Puddle game had run its course. But then, Michelle M. kindly included my Piss Puddle on the Cocky & Rude bingo card. What were we to do? We couldn’t disappoint millions of Black Out Bingo players by never completing the card!
So together, we rooted around in the back of our supply cabinet and discovered that there was just enough of my old litter left over for one final puddle. First Adam held me over my litter box and squeezed my hind-side. As you would expect, I refused to piss. Adam then shook me up and down until I scratched him and ran away. Then he considered using his own urine … but he decided that it was “too uncivilized” — what a douche! Finally I watched as he drew this final Piss Puddle with some water and a measuring cup. What a stupid cheater!
You know the rules. Tell me what you think this “Piss Puddle” looks like in the comments. You better come up with something more creative than Adam was thinking when he drew that stupid dick-shaped puddle.
April 11, 2011
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I have a theory: douche-bags don’t read Cocky & Rude. It’s just a theory — but I want to be sure. Here at Cocky & Rude, we accept all readers and if you’re a douche-bag, we’ll still love you! You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever…
1. Have you ever had a fake tan?
2. Have you ever sported highly stylized facial hair?
3. Have you ever put way too much gel in your hair?
4. Have you ever had frosted tips?
5. Have you ever worn bling?
6. Have you ever worn ridiculous looking sunglasses?
7. Have you ever worn your sunglasses indoors?
8. Have you ever popped your collar?
9. Have you ever worn a baseball hat with the brim to the side?
10. Have you ever worn a wife-beater as a shirt?
11. Have you ever kept a bluetooth headset on your ear for most of the day?
12. Have you ever spent all your time at the gym?
13. Have you ever had giant, ridiculous muscles?
14. Have you ever driven a ridiculous, tricked-out car?
15. Have you ever been a fratboy?
16. Have you ever littered?
17. Have you ever called a waitress or hostess a “sweetheart”?
18. Have you ever behaved obnoxiously in public?
19. Have you ever been called an egomaniac?
20. Have you ever thought that you were God’s gift to the human race?
21. Have you ever abused your girlfriend or boyfriend?
22. Have you ever considered “GTL” a way of life?
23. Have you ever appeared in an episode of Jersey Shore?
24. Have you ever seen your own photo on hotchickswithdouchebags.com?
25. Have you ever been filled with liquid and used to cleanse a horribly dirty vagina or rectum?
Now tell us the truth! We’ll still love you! Are you a douche?
December 8, 2010
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Kris, you may be the most impure, but that doesn’t annoy me at all. FDot, you may be as pure and innocent as a newborn puppy bathed in Ivory soap, but that doesn’t annoy me either. Do you annoy me? Let’s find out!! For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points, and post your total in the comments section.
1. Do you regularly get in “__ items or less” lines with more than the maximum items?
2. Do you abandon your shopping cart in the parking lot when there are cart returns that you could use?
3. Do you regularly bring your purchases home in plastic or paper bags instead of a reusable shopping bag?
4. Do you regularly drive the speed limit in the left lane?
5. Do you regularly come to a complete stop at yield signs?
6. Do you regularly pull out in front of people and then drive really slow?
7. Do you have anti-Democratic Party and/or anti-Obama bumper stickers on your car?
8. When riding as a passenger, do you regularly take your seat belt off before the car has come to stop, causing it to beep at you.
9. Do you regularly jaywalk when there is a nearby crosswalk that you could have used?
10. Do you regularly wear noisy high heels and clip clap all around the office?
11. Do you regularly have loud, personal conversations at work when your coworkers are all working hard around you.
12. Do you regularly talk about the weather?
13. Do you regularly use the word “retard” in conversation?
14. Do you regularly make racist jokes?
15. Do you write too long, too rude, and/or condescending comments on Facebook and/or blogs?
16. Do you regularly mispronounce simple words?
17. Do you regularly answer your cell phone, text or play mobile games, or just wave around your brightly lit cell phone screen in the movies?
18. Do you regularly talk during movies?
19. Do you regularly make a whole lot of noise with food and drink packaging during movies?
20. Do you regularly throw recyclable items into the trash, even when there’s a recycling can nearby?
21. Do you dry your hands in a public restroom and then throw the paper towel on the floor?
22. Do you regularly pee on the toilet seat?
23. Do you regularly not flush in public restrooms?
24. Do you currently or have you ever have icicle lights hanging on your house?
25. Do you think that Adam is just a little too sensitive?
Post your results in the comments, and we’ll find out who annoys me the most!