Welcome to the 9th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40! This week’s theme is “THE LITTLE THINGS YOU HATE” – Everyone is annoyed by something. What’s one of the ‘little things’ that bother our contestants? Maybe it’s the blobby fat hanging over their waist bands or the way that diet food always tastes awful. Let’s find out what bothers them!
The little things. Little tiny portions. Seriously, look on the package of some of your fave snack foods. 120 calories… for 8 chips. WTF? No one in their right mind eats 8 chips or 1 cookie. Get a grip manufacturers.
Annoyances? I’m annoyed that my weight seems stuck, just fluctuating between two numbers for week after week. And I’m annoyed that I keep forgetting that there’s a blurb due on Wednesdays, so I’m always dealing with these at the 11th hour.
Ya know what bugs me? The fact that junk food is delicious and yet it makes me feel bad about myself! I need liposuction and/or Lap-Band surgery. Too bad I spent my last $5 on this stupid contest.
I hate that I have to wear jeans and long sleeved shirts when it’s 90 degrees because I can’t fit into my shorts and tshirts. So maybe I better get going on this weight loss thing. Summer is just around the corner (especially in San Diego).
Little things that drive me crazy??? Numbers! All I do now for my diet is think about numbers: calories, grams, and amount of time moving. The only numbers that are not small that are driving me crazy are my weight and my pant size. THE HUNGER IS TO BIG TO BE A LITTLE ANNOYING THING.
I hate my job! Was that the question? I’m sick of people and I don’t even have time to diet these days. Somebody pay me to nap and be happy!!
The little thing I hate the most is my own laziness! There is so much that I could accomplish if I were less lazy (the least of which is getting more done for this competition).
This week it’s the little things we hate about the contest. Hmm, I don’t think any of them are little. I HATE being fat in the first place. I hate having to diet. I hate having to exercise when I feel like blobbing on the couch. I hate that the food I’m suppose to eat, I don’t like, and the food I LOVE is bad for me. I hate not looking like a male fashion model. I hate Congressional Republicans and their policies. Wait….I digress….
What I hate most, I think, is the guilt. When I go to bed at night and I realize I haven’t walked, even though I had the time. Or when I order a regular Pepsi at a restaurant instead of just water. Or when I eat a whole freaking (small-sized) pizza instead of a salad. I hate the guilt the comes with it. But I’m used to guilt…I kill it by eating a Cadbury caramel egg!
Last week I listed 20 television characters I love. That means this week it’s time to list 20 characters I hate. And not “love to hate” like Pete Campbell from Mad Men or Ben from Lost. These are characters that I find annoying, lame, whiny, stupid or all of the above. It may be the way the actors are portraying them, or just the way the characters are written. Or maybe it’s the actor himself/herself. Whatever it is, they’re obnoxious and unwatchable.
Annie Romano from One Day At A Time. Overact much? YES!
Phil from Modern Family. He’s way too clownish and dopey.
Debra Messing as Grace and Molly and Julia and any other character she’s played. She is truly awful. She just seems so self aware. Another overactor.
Ivy from 90210. She’s so flat, mopey and morose. ALL the time.
Ross from Friends. What a drip.
Elmo. It’s the voice. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.
Angela Chase from My So Called Life. The angst, the awkwardness, the hair tucking behind the ear, the flannel shirts, the always hugging herself and saying “like” every other word. And how many Jordans are in your school anyway? Can’t you refer to Jordan by his first name only?
Clare Edwards from Degrassi. I’m not sure why I can’t stand Clare. Maybe it’s because she’s a drama queen. Or that she looks like a middle-aged woman in those awful school uniforms. I just know she bugs me.
Kramer from Seinfeld (sorry, Tam). Too weird, too slapsticky. Not my cup of tea.
Jennifer Love Hewitt as anyone in anything. It all started with her character on Party of Five. All that “cutesy” acting and the going around with her sleeves pulled over her hands drove me nuts. Cleavage + acting cutesy = bad actress!
Will Schuester on Glee. He’s so smarmy. And waaaay too into the Glee kids. I might hate him more than Sue Sylvester does.
Hope on Thirtysomething. Never happy. What a wet blanket.
Annie Camden from 7th Heaven. She always seemed so annoyed and kind of bitchy- with a little bit of Church lady thrown in for good measure.
Ally McBeal. Ugh. I couldn’t even make it through one episode.
Susan from Desperate Housewives. I detest her “adorable klutzy” schtick.
Dawn Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Whiny, petulant and useless.
Smurfette. That voice. I can’t smurfing stand it.
Ellis from Smash. He’s such a sneaky little weasel. And not in a fun way.
Declan Porter from Reven8e. His hair is way too big for his body. I call him the human Q-tip. He’s useless as far as I’m concerned. Every time he appears I want to shake my fist at the television (you called it, Craig).
Lori from The Walking Dead. She thinks all the women should be cookin’ and doing laundry – not kicking zombie butt. And she can’t even keep track of her own kid. Or drive!
So which characters make you want to throw something at the screen? Let me know in comments!
Have you ever daydreamed about being a famous star? Money, adulation, magazine covers, swag, critical acclaim, limos, red carpets, awards, casting couches, stalkers, plastic surgery, paparazzi, rehab – it all sounds so glamorous! But all this means nothing unless you’re invited to appear on Inside the Actor’s Studio. Well, just in case you hit it big and have to face James Lipton and his enormous stack of blue index cards, you should be prepared. So I asked you to answer the questions* that are always asked at the end of the show. Here are your answers:
*The questionnaire concept was originated by French personality Bernard Pivot, after the Proust questionnaire.
Tam: Passel
Mark: Anthrax (love the syllables)
David G.: Door. I couldn’t possibly tell you why.
Polt: Eighteen…cause then, all the boys are legal : ).
Craig: Nevertheless
Jere: Petunia
Mel: Most days it’s “fuck”.
Adam: Chuckle
Michelle M.: Silver
John: Cookie
VUBOQ: Martini
Mikey: Dinner
Nathan: Loquacious
FDot: Flibbertigibbet
Enrico: Arboretic
The Kid: Disrupting or fabulous
Paul: Hello
Ryan: Superfluous
Tam: The c-word. Can’t write it. HATE IT.
Mark: like (when not used as a verb)
David G.: Urinal. I can’t even type it without feeling icky.
Polt: I dont know sweetie…work? Boss? Gone? Yeah, Gone may be it, not for the word itself so much, but for what it can entail.
Craig: Macabre
Jere: Labia
Mel: Monetize
Adam: The r-word
Michelle M.: Ma’am
John: Familiarity
VUBOQ: Ironical
Mikey: Exercise
Nathan: lol
FDot: maybe
Enrico: The three-letter f word
The Kid: Moist
Paul: Discharge
Ryan: Marketable
Tam: Humour
Mark: Intelligence
David G.: A really good kiss.
Polt: Younger guys. Asians. Hairthings. Younger Asian guys with hairthings! Oh, and Craiggers in a purple speedo. (did you really need to ask me this question?) : )
Craig: Chest hair
Jere: Feeling sexy in someone else’s eyes.
Mel: Nice eyes
Adam: Laughter
Michelle M.: A sense of humor
John: Intelligence (and a hot ass).
VUBOQ: This may be weird, but the smell of some soaps on guys. Colognes, not so much.
Mikey: Honesty and a sense of humor
Nathan: Suits
FDot: Chocolate
Enrico: Intelligence
The Kid: A man in a suit
Paul: Bondage
Ryan: Short hair
Tam: Bigotry
Mark: Loud brash voices
David G.: A really bad kiss.
Polt: Attitude. Someone who thinks they are more than they are or better than they are. Yeah, that’s a deal breaker right there.
Craig: Long fingernails
Jere: Lots of things, but I’ll start with the use of any body fluid used for sexytime other than semen.
Mel: Bad breath
Adam: when I’m taken for granted.
Michelle M.: Ignorance
John: Arrogance
VUBOQ: Feet
Mikey: Liars and bad smells
Nathan: Facial hair!
FDot: Annoying people
Enrico: Close-mindedness
The Kid: Dreadlocks
Paul: Sweat dripping in my eyes
Ryan: Smart phone addiction
Tam: Wind in the trees rustling the leaves (not the willows)
Mark: A sustained note on a slightly distorted electric guitar
David G: When Typo (one of my cats) meows and yawns at the same time.
Polt: Honestly, a kid laughing! Whether it’s a baby giggling or a 7 year old laughing as he chases his brother. Always makes me smile.
Craig: The woods
Jere: Wind and rain outside my window
Mel: The foghorn on our local lighthouse
Adam: Cat’s purr
Michelle M.: A beautiful piece of music
John: Baby sneezes
VUBOQ: The crunching sound made when I’m walking through fallen Autumn leaves
Mikey: Air conditioning…humming and white noisy
Nathan: Bassoon! If that’s cheating, than the noise that the wind makes when it rustles the trees.
FDot: Ocean waves at night
Enrico: Adele’s voice
The Kid: Food sizzling
Paul: Rain falling on the roof of the house
Ryan: Male vocals harmonizing well
Tam: The sound of a spoon stirring liquefied ice-cream – instant gag reflex
Mark: A child chorus, singing slightly off-key
David G.: Any (and I do mean ANY) repetitive sound. It just grates on my brain.
Polt: My alarm in the morning!
Craig: Screaming children
Jere: Saturday morning labor (lawnmowing, construction, etc., before noon)
Mel: Motorcycles drowning out the foghorn
Adam: My alarm clock
Michelle M.: My alarm clock
John: The alarm clock
VUBOQ: Cardboard being cut
Mikey: Nails on a chalkboard or fire alarms
Nathan: The bird outside my window when I’m trying to sleep.
FDot: Fingernails on a chalkboard
Enrico: The sound of a bird’s beak as it attacks my window (every morning at 5am!)
The Kid: Mosquitos buzzing
Paul: Fran Drescher
Ryan: Squishy sploochy sounds
Tam: Fuck
Mark: “Oh MAN!” (Once we had our first child, Heather and I trained ourselves not to curse, and it mostly has worked.)
David G.: Fuck. It is the most versatile word in the English language, after all.
Polt: Fuck. Although if I’m around polite company, I generally just use shit. And if *I* did something stupid, then it’s a hearty “Oh fuck ME!”
Craig: God damn it!
Jere: Justin Bieber’s Hairless Scrote!
Mel: See #1
Adam: fuck
Michelle M.: f*ck!
John: Fuck
VUBOQ: fork
Mikey: tit-wank (thank you Catherine Tate)
Nathan: You Gosh Darn C***
FDot: Goddamnmotherfuckingsonofabitch
Enrico: Avada Kedavra
The Kid: Firetruck
Paul: Cunt
Ryan: Bollocks
Tam: Ballerina
Mark: Pro hockey (but I can’t even skate)
David G: Realtor.
Polt: Custom condom fitter? No seriously, if I had my pick, it would be a comic book writer.
Craig: Teacher
Jere: Playwright
Mel: Writing
Adam: I’d work for Ikea, assembling furniture for displays
Michelle M.: Billionaire
John: Artist
VUBOQ: Professional Potter
Mikey: Filmmaker…I aspire to be Christopher Nolan
Nathan: Novelist
FDot: Screenwriting
Enrico: Personal assistant to a celebrity (maybe Kina or Jojo)
The Kid: Uhh. I’m not employed, but being an astronaut would be fun.
Paul: Professional sugar daddy
Ryan: Economist
Tam: Sewer cleaning
Mark: Restauranteur
David G.: Anything from the show Dirty Jobs.
Polt: Anything that makes me to physical labor outside, especially in the summer. Oh and anything involving heights!
Craig: Call center
Jere: Surgeon
Mel: Auto sales
Adam: Sales
Michelle M.: Soldier
John: Lawyer
VUBOQ: Anything to do with sewers or plumbing.
Mikey: Cess Pool serviceperson (see above re: smells)
Nathan: Anything where you just stand around and don’t actually DO anything.
FDot: Farmer
Enrico: Dentist
The Kid: Eww. A fisherman or exterminator.
Paul: Boy of professional sugar daddy
Ryan:Academic post-doc
Tam: “Juan and Felipe have your cocktails over there on the left by the pool. Have a nice stay.”
Mark: “Meow…prrrr.”
David G.: Girl, you just barely made it.
Polt: What I’d LIKE to hear him say is, “Welcome.” But what he’ll probably say is, “Huh? You? recheck the list!” : )
Craig: “You were a nice person, welcome.”
Jere: “Look, I’m as surprised as you are that I exist, and I know I’ve got a lot to apologize for…”
Mel: “I’m awfully me-damned happy to see you. These other angels are so! fucking! boring!”
Adam: You were right all along, I don’t exist!
Michelle M.: Relax. It’s all good – come on in!
John: We’ve been waiting for you.
VUBOQ: “This way to the Martini Lounge.”
Mikey: You sure tried to piss me off, didn’t you?
Nathan: Welcome?
FDot: Your family is over there.
Enrico: “Ke$ha is waiting inside for you.”
The Kid: “Follow the white rabbit”
Paul: “Your afterlifetime supply of Entenmann’s and young power bottoms are waiting for you.”
Ryan:You weren’t nearly as selfish as you worried you were.
Need to waste some time at work? Here is a Vanity Fair Proust questionnaire you can take to see which celebrity you have the most in common with. Mine were Barbara Walters and Kirk Douglas.
Let’s face it. It’s 2011 and just about everyone and their mother (and their grandmother) has a Facebook page. But are you annoying the crap out of all friends? Do they consider unfriending you each and every time they see your name on their news feed? There’s only one way to find out … a Have You Ever?! quiz!
You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!1. Have you ever not had a profile photo?
2. Have you ever poked someone?
3. Have you ever tagged friends in photos that they’re not in?
4. Have you ever tagged a friend in an embarrassing photo that you know would upset them?
5. Have you ever posted more than 5 photos a week of your child?
6. Have you ever deleted your birthday from your profile in attempt to weed out your ‘true’ friends?
7. Have you ever invited people to attend events that you know they could never attend, thus making them feel badly?
8. Have you ever posted or shared game updates on your profile page?
9. Have you ever sent multiple game invites for the same game to the same person?
10. Have you ever written a private message to someone on their wall, so everyone can see it?
11. Have you ever “liked” your own comments?
12. Have you ever complained about Facebook redesigns and/or updates?
13. Have you ever posted religious or political comments and/or links?
14. Have you ever clicked one of those “see who is looking at your profile” scams and unknowingly spammed a whole bunch of your friends with it?
15. Have you ever installed a Facebook app that requires inviting at least 5 additional friends, yet never actually works?
16. Have you ever tagged more than 5 people in a single status update?
17. Have you ever posted a ‘chain letter’ status message? (i.e. “Post this as your status update if you believe/hope/want/love…”)
18. Have you ever felt that a comment is a good place to offer someone unnecessary and unwanted education or grammatical corrections?
19. Have you ever posted cutesy-tootsey love messages to your significant other for everyone to see?
20. Have you ever posted a complainy status messages, just to make everyone feel sorry for you?
21. Have you ever posted FourSquare updates to your Facebook page?
22. Have you ever left sexuality-revealing comments on the Facebook page of someone who has not publicly revealed their sexuality?
23. Have you ever sent a Facebook message to more than 10 people and caused them all to get an email every time someone responds?
24. Have you ever tagged your friends as family members, or listed yourself as being “in a relationship” with someone who is really just a friend?
25. Have you ever left your friend requests in limbo (avoid accepting or denying friend requests) for more than a week?
Now tell us your total in the comments … so we can unfriend you!
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10 Reasons Why I Might Dislike You On Facebook
You can’t stop posting photos of your children
You constantly post photos of sick/sad/dying animals
You do nothing but talk about sports 24/7
Your politics are stupid
You complain constantly
You post a photo of every meal that you eat
You are constantly fishing for pity
You are constantly fishing for compliments
You are wayyyy too attractive
You are way happier than me
So what bugs you on Facebook? (And don’t forget to follow Cocky&Rude!)
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