Welcome to the 8th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40! This week’s theme is “TEMPTATION” – Everyone is tempted by something (food, laziness, sleep) when they should be eating healthy and exercising. What tempts the contestants? Let’s find out!
So this week, it’s Temptation. My biggest temptation is: Gay Porn. ‘Well DUH!’ I can hear you all saying now, but I mean as it relates to this contest. See, if I give in to the temptation of the uncounted amount of gay porn on the Internet, then I spend time watching that and NOT out walking. And after watching gay porn, I’m generally in need of replenishing my…energies. So I eat. And usually it’s snacky-stuff, that’s not healthy for me. So if I could resist the gay porn, I could be exercising more and eating better. …..but yeah, we ALL know that ain’t gonna happen.
My temptations are books, I’m either reading one (Don’t ya love my snazzy red e-reader?) or writing one and Chapman’s oatmeal cookies and chocolate ice-cream sandwiches. But they were on sale. How could I not buy them? I’m just a lazy ass all around. I should be up doing something useful and energetic, but I’d rather surf the net and do reading-type stuff. Which would explain why there is no way in hell I am winning the $40.
I’ve mostly been eating what I want. I’ve gotten over my cravings for sweets (fairly easy) and for salty snack foods (harder). But what I’m so so SO tempted by is caffeinated coffee. My physician took me off caffeine last summer, and I’ve been successful staying off. But man, when I get behind on grading papers, get up early to get work done before the kids wake up, and I’m sipping my third cup of decaf wondering why it isn’t doing it for me…dang. I’ve been jonesing for caffeine pretty badly lately.
Lately I’ve been tempted to actually lose weight. I’ve been considering a visit to the gym. I’ve even thought about counting calories. Maybe I’ll actually succumb to the temptation!!
What tempts me? My inner child. Grown up me knows she should eat right and exercise, but my inner child is quite the little temptress. What she says pretty much goes.
My number one temptation is take out. Living in NYC it is sooooo easy to order anything to your door, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will eat well. At least once a week I am tired enough to think about ordering…but my brain denies it.
I get tempted so easily. Mostly by peanut butter and anything else that starts with the word, “Reese’s.” Late at night when I’m watching Chelsea Lately, I think that should be exercising. Instead, I just close my eyes and imagine that I am Mena Suvari in American Beauty, being showered with rose petals. Except that it’s me instead of Mena, and I’m being showered with jars of PB. And then I get hit in the head and wake up. Then it’s time for bed.
My biggest temptation is eating delicious quick unhealthy foods. I’m a sucker for pizza. Making healthy choices is more expensive and more work, and I’m just lazy I guess.
Welcome to the 5th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40! This week’s theme is “WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST?” — Our contestants have accomplished nearly an entire month of dieting. What do they miss the most? Foods? Laziness? Here’s what they had to say:
I miss the sense of abandon I had before this all started. When I felt like getting dessert, I got dessert. Now…when I eat anything at all I have a philosophical argument with myself that would make Kant proud. The upside could be the successful publication of my treatise called the Metaphysics of Eating.
I wish I was able to stick to the healthy stuff. All the stress eating, which sometimes I’m not aware it’s even taking place until I’m done, is not helping. What I miss is having time to exercise… and being lazy.
This month, I’ve done an excellent job of not eating any fast food. I might not have been perfect so far, but that’s something!
So, after a month of dieting, I have to list what I miss the most. hmm, how about losing weight? I do miss doing that, since I’m not losing any. Course, if I actually tried to diet and exercise more, that may not be an issue. Nah, let me think…what do I miss most? How about my $5. God knows, the way I’m going, I’m never gonna see that money again.
I miss mindlessly stuffing my trap without thinking about, just rating what I want because I want it. More or less. However of um going to win this damn contest I need to step up my game.
I found one last candy cane this morning, stashed in a coat pocket. I saved it… and devoured it on the drive home from work. Now that they’re gone I miss them, even if they were spearmint instead of peppermint. And more generally, I miss the holidays, the weeks of planning for festive meals filled with family, fun, and comfort foods. But hey, Valentine’s Day is coming up, and our tradition is no gifts but a really nice dinner cooked at home. So that’s something to look forward to!
I miss NOT feeling guilty before I eat cookies. And I also miss the cookie that I just ate. I want another one!
What do I miss the most? Well, since I haven’t started dieting or exercising, I would have to say, nothing 
.
What happens when it’s Sunday and you realize you don’t have a Monday post for C&R? You come up with a quick (not) Friday Five, that’s what!
1. In honor of Mother’s Day yesterday, this compilation video:
2. This:
3. These Wonder Woman shoes. Someone make them for meeeee! I’m a size 6. And put some white stars on the heels, kay? Here’s the how to: http://madartlab.com/2012/04/18/heels-for-earthbound-superheroines/
4. This review of Where is Baby’s Belly Button?
5. This month’s CD Exchange theme is Non North American music. I was looking for a J-pop song, but instead found this K-pop song. And now I can’t get it out of my head:
Runners up: Cooper, new Puntabulous posts, blooming jasmine, Mai Tais and driving on the coast. What’s on your list?
Our third week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate three weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
Exercise is an important part of every weight-loss regimen. This week, the contestants were invited to tell us how they’ve exercised to help attain their weight-loss goals. Here’s what they said:
Mikey
The only exercise I have been able to get in the past two weeks has been walking to/from work, walking the dog, playing with the dog, and COUGHING. However, since my diet changes have resulted in my weight loss leveling off and since I am finally able to move around without hacking up a corner of my lungs, I am instituting an exercise regimen. I will be doing 30-45 min of cardio every other day for the near future. May my ass disappear.
Tam
The picture says it all. I really have not focused at all on exercise. I have really only been seriously participating in this challenge for about 10 days because of my trip, so right now I’m just paying attention to what I eat and how much of it. I’ve been faithfully logging my in-take on Spark People and I think for right now I need to focus on that until it becomes more second nature. If I starting thinking I must do this, and this, and this, I’m likely to do none of it. So that’s my rationale for sitting my ass on the couch and doing nothing.
Ryan
The majority of my exercise is walking. Commuting to work gives me a baseline of twelve miles each week. I’ve also started using a walk tracking app on my phone. I love it because I can take a spontaneous path and not have to worry about remembering every detour when I map the route when I get home. I’ve also been doing some calisthenics, but I haven’t been disciplined about it. Usually, it amounts to doing some pushups while my oatmeal is cooking if I don’t have any dishes to wash.
Adam
I’ve been a lazy piece of shit for the past week. I’m paying for a gym membership … I really need to go to the gym. Ugh. But I’m just so damn lazy. bloooooooooooooooooob. Maybe my arm muscles will get bigger if I buy heavier forks. And spoons.
Polt
This week we’re supposed to talk about exercise. I don’t feel the need to change my exercise regime, as I was getting quite a bit of exercise before we started. I mean, several times in an evening, I had to drag my fat ass off the couch, ya know, to get something to eat, or to pee or whatever. And at least once a day, I have to roll my fat ass outta bed…NOT an easy thing to do, I assure you. So as long as I keep working out like that, I should do really well.
TwoPi
Slow and steady wins the race! Unless you’re pedaling on a stationary bike, that is. Or not, as I’ve been lately. I couldn’t find the “Add dust and cobwebs” filter in Photoshop… but the actual stationary bike and elliptical machine sitting in my attic are gathering more dust than sweat these days. I’ve been struggling with hip and back trouble for months, and at the moment my most strenuous activity is walking (when I’m able) and physical therapy (when I’m good and I remember). But I know I’ve got the equipment waiting there to be dusted off, and surely some day…
Michelle M.
I haven’t exercised at all. I’VE BEEN SICK! I did get my hula hoop, Thighmaster, in-line skates and dumbbells out of the garage for this photo, so that should count for something. Other exercise I haven’t been doing: walking around the lake, riding my bike and Zumba (which I intend to buy/do one day, so that should also count for something).
Mr. Sombrero
Mr. Sombrero has been feeling a bit under the weather past few days and he had to skip a few classes. But on a good week his exercise regimen consist of yoga, calisthenics, and ton, like 7 miles a day, of walking. And somehow I still don’t see the results fast enough. Damn you quesadillas!!!
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
1. News interns caught on camera!
2. Harry!
Instead of doing it himself (which he is capable of, but would never get around to), Harry (finally) decided to hire a drywaller to patch up the holes and window frames in my office and in our bedroom. Hallelujah!
3. The Twilight Video Game!
4. Guest posts!
Posting is hard. Sometimes you just need a break. Adam came up with a guest post for me for Cooper’s Corner. Check it out! And if you would like to guest post for me (either here or on Cooper’s Corner, let me know! I’m lazy and not ashamed to admit it.)
5. The Girl Scout Thin Mints candy bar!
Nestle is teaming up with the Girl Scouts to produce a Thin Mints inspired candy bar. It may show up in June. I should be done with my diet by then.
Runners up: Homemade chicken noodle soup on a rainy day, library hold lists, hot water bottles, Canada Dry Ginger Ale, getting all your laundry done, and the My First Wonder Woman book (which I bought for my 3 year old niece [they have a Superman one too, Polt]).
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Have You Ever… Been Lazy?!
Have You Ever…
1. Have you ever worn your pajamas all day?
3. Have you ever hit the snooze button more than 3 times?
9. Have you ever owned a Clapper?
17. Have you ever passed the vacuum over something several times instead of just bending down and picking it up?
21. Have you ever waited for the rain to wash your car?
2. Have you ever waited in a long line at the drive-thru because you were too lazy to get out of the car and go inside?
4. Have you ever not voted because you were too lazy to read up on the candidates/issues?
5. Have you ever taken the elevator to the second floor?
6. Have you ever driven around looking for a close parking space when it would have been faster to just park farther away and walk?
7. Have you ever watched an infomercial because you were too lazy to turn the channel or turn off the TV?
8. Have you ever picked something up with your feet so you wouldn’t have to bend down?
10. Have you ever taken a whore’s bath because you were too lazy to shower?
11. Have you ever copied someone else’s homework?
12. Have you ever been too lazy to comment on C&R?
13. Have you ever eaten standing over the kitchen sink?
14. Have you ever asked for an extension on your income tax?
15. Have you ever thrown something away because you were too lazy to find a recycling bin? (Adam will never know).
16. Have you ever worn a baseball cap/hat because you were too lazy to wash/fix your hair?
18. Have you ever left just one swallow of juice/milk in the container and then put it back in the fridge for someone else to deal with?
19. Have you ever made a child fetch something for you?
20. Have you ever carried too many grocery bags because you were too lazy to make two trips?
22. Have you ever done the “sniff test” on your clothing because you were too lazy to do your laundry?
23. Have you ever gone more than 3 months without exercising?
24. Have you ever wasted an entire day surfing the Internet?
25. Have you ever had someone guest post or posted a YouTube video because you were too lazy to come up with a real post?
Now tell is your total in the comments!
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