Once upon a time my favorite food was the french fry. When I was a kid, if we went to a fast food restaurant, my go-to meal would be two large fries and a chocolate shake (yikes). Back then, fries were delicious, greasy and salty. Nothing like the “healthier” fries of today (which are hard, dry and tasteless). Why they are trying to make fries “healthier” is a mystery to me. If I wanted to eat something nutritious, it wouldn’t be french fries in the first place.
After eating a few too many dud spuds, I decided to see if there were any good fries out there.
What follows is my quest for the perfect fry.
McDonald’s – Not bad. Not great. They’re best if they’re fresh from the fryer. And you have to eat them before they become cold and hard.
Jack in the Box – They taste almost exactly like McDonald’s.
Burger King – Too crisp, too dry.
Wendy’s – “Natural cut” fries. Too crispy and dry. The sea salt didn’t adhere.
Islands – They’re cut fresh daily and supposedly “cooked to perfection.” If “perfection” means so dry the salt bounces off them, then I guess they are. I wouldn’t order them again.
T.G.I. Friday’s used to have some pretty good fries – with a yummy seasoning. But not anymore.
Pass.
Chili’s – meh.
Carl’s Junior – I need some more adjectives for “dry” and “tasteless”.
Callahan’s – We usually just go here for the beer. If I have enough to drink, I usually want some french fries. Theirs are okay. But only if they’re fresh from the fryer. The cajun spice helps.
Applebee’s – Maybe the best of the bunch. Not fantastic, but not disappointing.
Arby’s – they only have the curly fries in my location (which are almost an entirely different animal, due to the seasoning), but I tried them anyway. They were greasy (which is good) but had been in the fryer a little too long (which made them too hard). I couldn’t taste the seasoning on my batch at all.
Brazen BBQ in Hillcrest – Man, were these bad. They were like the potato sticks you buy in a can from the grocery store. Sadness.
Brewski’s is a little hamburger place in my neighborhood. The burgers are good, but the fries aren’t.
Fatburger – The fat fries are pretty good. But only fresh from the fryer. You can see in the picture the shine of grease on the fry. That is always a good sign.
Five Guys – I went here with Ryan. They give you a TON of fries, which is great. And from the picture, they look nice and greasy. I was too busy yapping to remember how they tasted. I know I didn’t finish them all, but that was due to trying not too look like a pig in front of the svelte Ryan, and not because of the taste.
Red Robin – Pretty good when fresh. But not outstanding. They say the baskets of fries are “endless”, but they only put in about 5 at a time.
Sammy’s Woodfired Pizza – Dry, tasteless and disappointing. Boo.
SeaWorld – Surprisingly good. You have to eat them quickly, before the sea gulls try to swipe them.
Smashburger – These fries were horrible. So bland and dry. I didn’t even want to finish them. I threw about half of them away.
In-N-Out – Their fries are cut right in front of you, so you’d think they’d be fresh and delicious. But they’re just hard little bits of tasteless potato.
Fuddruckers fries are pretty darn good. They’re nice and soft and have a tasty seasoning on them.
Sonic – They were good. There were a few really good soggy, greasy ones in there.
As you can see, this Sonic fry passes the flaccid test.
Now that I’ve sampled so many of the fries in my area, I’ve come to the conclusion that the perfect fry no longer exists. And that french fries are no longer my favorite food. And that I need to start eating salad.
This post is dedicated to Fat Betty.
So what french fries are good in your neck of the woods? Do you think I’ll ever eat a french fry again? Did you read this whole post? It was really long. What is your favorite food? Let me know in comments!
Our eleventh week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate eleven weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
Rosie O’Donnell once admitted to stopping at multiple Waffle Houses because she was embarrassed to order so much food from a single fast-food restaurant. This week I asked each of the contestants for a pre-diet embarrassing admission. Here’s what they had to say…
Michelle M.
Well, there was that one time I ate 10 tacos…
Ryan
I’m most embarrassed with how I would get a large bag of candy, eat until the sugar made me feel sick, and then sometimes keep eating. I’m also not proud of how I would sometimes substitute a bag of Doritos or a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for a meal or how quickly I could go through a box of donuts.
Polt
So this week, we’re detailing an something embarrassing we did before we started the contest. Hmm, well being over 300 12 years ago was pretty embarrassing in an of itself. But let’s see, what else embarrassing did I do? Oh yeah, well a few years back, mom made me a Boston Cream Pie for my birthday. She, dad and I each had a slice when she gave it to me. Then I took it home. By 8:00 the next evening, the entire pie was gone. It was simply THAT good, ate the whole damn thing in less than a day. Not the first time either. But in my defense, Mama Polt makes a HELLUVA delicious pie! (and I don’t have any photos of her pies, so the one I included in just a generic pie, which I’m sure tastes nowhere near as good as hers!)
Mikey
My shocking admission is that I love to eat ice cream and like Fat Betty I just can’t stop. You see that pint of Ben & Jerry’s? I could make that my bitch in about 20 minutes, no brain freeze, one spoon, pure bliss. Truth be told, I MISS IT SO FREAKIN MUCH. 
Mr. Sombrero
Does a honey badger think some of his actions are embarrassing? Of course he doesn’t. He’s a honey badger. Does Mr. Sombrero think eating an entire tub of Twix ice cream… before dinner… is embarrassing? Probably not. He’s Mr. Sombrero. Wait… we’re suppose to be dieting? Ok, now I’m embarrassed to admit something…
TwoPi
I do all the cooking and grocery shopping for the family. One of the benefits (or risks) of grocery shopping alone is the opportunity to buy a “little treat” or snack for the drive home. For a while, I was craving Doritos, and each time at the grocery I’d buy a big bag of Doritos, and snarf them down on the drive home. (This might be two or three times per week at its worst.) At one point I had the brilliant idea to put wet wipes in the car to eliminate the tell-tale signs of Dorito snarfage, but in a cold weather climate this doesn’t work out so well. I might not have lost as much weight as my compatriots here, but BC&RL3 *did* help break me of my shameful Dorito habit.
Tam
I don’t think I’ve ever done something like that, not that I can think of. Although I have eaten my lunch in my office at 10:30 and then went and bought lunch in the cafeteria at 12:00. Sigh I’m more paranoid what people are thinking when I legitimately buy food for more than me. If you go to the drive-thru and order two burgers and fries (both the same) and you get to the window and there is only you in the car, are they wondering what kind of a pig I am or assuming I’m taking it home for someone? When I order a large pizza I hope they realize I’m not home alone, I could have five kids running around in there. So I’m conscious of how it looks when I order/buy certain foods, but I’ve not done too much sneaky food eating/buying.
Adam
Much like Tam, I’m also incredibly paranoid about being judged. A few years ago (when I was vegetarian) I was feeling blue and put myself on a a steady diet of veggie subs, Doritos, Entenmann’s chocolate chip cookies and Peanut M&M’s. I’d stop at the local Wawa convenience store almost every day after work and stock up on the evening’s depression binge. I’d often feel embarrassed by the mass of junk food that I was buying, and would somehow convince myself that if I bought two drinks, the cashier would think my purchase was for multiple people. It was convenient because then I had two drinks to wash down all the crap!
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
Last week I listed 20 television characters I love. That means this week it’s time to list 20 characters I hate. And not “love to hate” like Pete Campbell from Mad Men or Ben from Lost. These are characters that I find annoying, lame, whiny, stupid or all of the above. It may be the way the actors are portraying them, or just the way the characters are written. Or maybe it’s the actor himself/herself. Whatever it is, they’re obnoxious and unwatchable.
Annie Romano from One Day At A Time. Overact much? YES!
Phil from Modern Family. He’s way too clownish and dopey.
Debra Messing as Grace and Molly and Julia and any other character she’s played. She is truly awful. She just seems so self aware. Another overactor.
Ivy from 90210. She’s so flat, mopey and morose. ALL the time.
Ross from Friends. What a drip.
Elmo. It’s the voice. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.
Angela Chase from My So Called Life. The angst, the awkwardness, the hair tucking behind the ear, the flannel shirts, the always hugging herself and saying “like” every other word. And how many Jordans are in your school anyway? Can’t you refer to Jordan by his first name only?
Clare Edwards from Degrassi. I’m not sure why I can’t stand Clare. Maybe it’s because she’s a drama queen. Or that she looks like a middle-aged woman in those awful school uniforms. I just know she bugs me.
Kramer from Seinfeld (sorry, Tam). Too weird, too slapsticky. Not my cup of tea.
Jennifer Love Hewitt as anyone in anything. It all started with her character on Party of Five. All that “cutesy” acting and the going around with her sleeves pulled over her hands drove me nuts. Cleavage + acting cutesy = bad actress!
Will Schuester on Glee. He’s so smarmy. And waaaay too into the Glee kids. I might hate him more than Sue Sylvester does.
Hope on Thirtysomething. Never happy. What a wet blanket.
Annie Camden from 7th Heaven. She always seemed so annoyed and kind of bitchy- with a little bit of Church lady thrown in for good measure.
Ally McBeal. Ugh. I couldn’t even make it through one episode.
Susan from Desperate Housewives. I detest her “adorable klutzy” schtick.
Dawn Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Whiny, petulant and useless.
Smurfette. That voice. I can’t smurfing stand it.
Ellis from Smash. He’s such a sneaky little weasel. And not in a fun way.
Declan Porter from Reven8e. His hair is way too big for his body. I call him the human Q-tip. He’s useless as far as I’m concerned. Every time he appears I want to shake my fist at the television (you called it, Craig).
Lori from The Walking Dead. She thinks all the women should be cookin’ and doing laundry – not kicking zombie butt. And she can’t even keep track of her own kid. Or drive!
So which characters make you want to throw something at the screen? Let me know in comments!
Some claim that the pet you choose can reveal a lot about your personality.
Is it true? Let’s find out…
Mikey & Ty: English Bulldog
“People who owned utility dogs, like English bulldogs …[are] more conscientious and extroverted.” (source)
Adam: Cat
“…A sensitive fella! And he’s not only sensitive, but just loves to send you photos of his cat all day long and post them on Facebook and Twitter. I’m not sure why this is, but guys with cats are prone to such things.” (source)
Mel: French Bulldog, 3 cats (also: 2.5 alpacas and 2 Shetland sheep)
“The owners … are expressive and full of personality. These people are often overachievers because they like a dog that is a bit of a challenge.” (source) “Cats inexplicably make you stand out as more and more insane with each additional feline you possess.” (source)
Michelle M.: Parakeet
If you “…fancy a smaller variety such as a Parakeet or Canary,
you tend to be softer-spoken with a gentle demeanor.” (source)
VUBOQ: Cat
“You are easy going, but independent just like your cat; however,
you do enjoy a little snuggle time from time to time.” (source)
Craig: Wants a cat
Cat people are “more likely to be open… Open people tend to be:
curious, creative, artistic & nontraditional thinkers.” (source)
John: (had) Rabbits
“The reason your man would have a pet rabbit is because he never had one when he was a kid, and now that he’s living on his own, he’s going to finally fulfill that dream. The rabbit’s name is probably something like “Rambo”or “Killer” to make up for the fact that he’s a dude who actually owns a fluffy bunny.” (source)
Tam & The Kid: 2 Cats & a Rabbit
“If you get stressed out easily, you may be a cat person. Cat people were, as a group, 12% more neurotic than dog people. Neurotic people are: easily stressed, anxious & worriers.” (source) Rabbit owners are nice, active and are great with long-term commitments. (source) (Note: I couldn’t find a photo of Tam’s pets)
Josh: Cat & Dog
“If he owns a dog, your man is loyal and can actually commit, because owning a dog is as close to having a child as it comes.” (source) “Cat people are loners who are less religious than non-cat owners, want instant gratification, are satisfied with their jobs and are socially conscious.” (source)
Mama Polt: fluffy little dog
“…You have a desire to nurture your tiny pets. You tend to enjoy accessorizing and your pet can be an extension of that quality. Maybe you just really love cats but are in denial. In any case, you love that you can take your small pooch with you almost anywhere. You are probably as cute and lovable as your puppy, but sometimes might be considered annoying.” (source)
Remember that post you just read about how I hadn’t found five things worthy of the five this week? Well as life goes…I found something just this morning that blows the everything out of the water. Let’s take a trip back in time to 1991. The 80s were over but the crazy fashions were still alive and kicking in some kids hearts. This is when we meet the hero of this video as his 9 year-old heart dances his ass off to Madonna’s Vogue. I hope I get the chance to meet this now grown man some day.
 | The Incredibly Shrin… on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Tam on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
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| Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Vagina. on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | goblinbox on Biggest C&R Loser 201… |
 | Order Now! Fool Me T… on Commenter Cocktails! |
It’s a C&R Dance Party!
Forget the CD Exchange (if I don’t participate, it doesn’t exist) let’s have a music exchange right here at Cocky & Rude! Each time we have a C&R Dance Party, I’ll name a theme for the day and you’ll post your responses in the form of a YouTube video in the comments. And don’t forget to dance!
Today’s Theme Is: A Song That Makes You Wanna Dance!
Link us to a YouTube video in the comments and tell us why you picked it.
Feel free to answer more than once!
I don’t claim to be a HUGE Madonna fan, but I’ve been listening to her tunes since I was a little kid. I remember sitting in the back of my mom’s car during INCREDIBLY long car rides (approx. 45 minutes) to my grandparent’s house. She’d blare Madonna music, and I’d scream when she took her hands off of the steering wheel to dance along with Vogue. For me, it’s safety first, Madonna second. And now, 20-something years later, I can’t stop dancing to Vogue either. My mom had* good taste (but don’t tell her I said that).
*Yes, “had” — now she listens to Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood. Blechk!
(And by the way, if your video doesn’t post in the comments correctly, FEAR NOT!
I’ll fix it as soon as I get a chance)
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