Our seventh week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate seven weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
Temptation is something that plagues every dieter. Whether it’s food, laziness, or something else — sometimes it’s all you’re thinking about when you should be eating healthy and exercising. What tempts our contestants? We’re about to find out!
Michelle M.
It doesn’t take much to tempt me away from exercising. But the couch/television and internet are the worst offenders. “All I wanna do is stay home and eat chips” – little Mackenzie (my favorite) from Dance Moms.
Polt
So this week’s theme is Temptation: what’s tempting me. Well, I’ve not had many chips in the last month, and I used to have them with nearly every meal, so they’re kinda tempting. And what do chips go best with but a delicious sub? Yeah, I’d like to have one of those, thick roll piled high with meat, mayo, lettuce, onions….yum. But what’s REALLY tempting me? PASTA! I’d give my left nut for a big bowl of fettuccine, covered in sauce and loaded with meatballs. YUM! For me now, pasta is the face of evil, tempting me so, yet SO wrong for me!
TwoPi
“I always avoid temptation, unless I can’t resist it.” Looking for images related to this quote, I stumbled on the cover of the sheet music for “Ev’rybody Shimmies Now”, which I can’t help but hear being sung by the Beach Boys. Apparently the Shimmy was a popular dance in the 1920s. Sorry, I got distracted. What is the theme again? Oh. I guess I’m tempted by the idea of the Beach Boys recording Mae West songs.
Tam
So, my biggest weakness is the damn computer. I’m either reading, writing something, or surfing the net. Sigh. I should be going for a walk, doing my laundry, something that actually requires burning more calories than typing. As for food weaknesses, lately it’s been ice-cream. (Not the Starbucks but the picture was close. I hate Starbuck.) It’s not a good thing when Ben & Jerry’s is on sale. I can resist when it’s $7/container, but $4 … not so much. Doesn’t help that this week is water retention week. Stupid girl problems.
Ryan
This past week they’ve been having food trucks come to our offices. This has disrupted my diet not only because I’m probably eating more than I normally would for lunch but also because the difficulty of figuring out how much I ate discourages me from making sure what I have for the rest of the day fits within my calorie ranges.
Mr. Sombrero
Dear PB, you suck! I love you. That about sums it up.
Mikey
My temptation of the moment is pizza. I have given in to it twice this past week, which explains why I am fatter today than I was last week. 
Anyway…I vow (again!) to resist temptation again. OH and to get off my fat butt and work out.
Adam
All I want is a cookie — ALL I WANT IS A COOKIE!! Why are vegan cookies still so bad for you? I haven’t had cookies in forevz (at least 2 days) and I still cannot seem to lose any weight. It’s pathetic! I’m just awful!!
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
What does one do when they’ve had a busy week, realize they have a post due the next day and have no time or idea of what to do? Why, cobble together some random crap and send it in to Adam, that’s what.
1. Burger King was giving away free french fries on Saturday and Sunday.
Diet? What diet?
2. Did you know that you can tell which side of the car the gas tank is on by the little pump picture on the gas indicator? If the pump is on the right, the tank is on the right, and if it’s on the left, the tank is on the left. I just learned about this recently, thanks to Vanna White.
3. Adam posted this picture of a superhero cake on Facebook. Once again, Wonder Woman has been overlooked. It’s deplorable.
Here’s a cake that did it right. And it probably tastes better, too.
4. I went to the pet store with Harry and didn’t come home with all the parakeets.
5. The new Prometheus trailer looks amazing!
I got chills watching it. I can’t wait!!
So there you have it, my (Not) Friday 5, er, Random Crap (part two)! Stay tuned next week to see if I post another tired 5 list or finally come up with something original.
*The idea for this post was inspired by vuboq. Thanks vuboq!
Yay! I was excited about the new Hershey’s Air Delight chocolate bar – I thought it
would be like the Choco’Lite bars of yore. Chocolatey, yet airy.
Boo! But it wasn’t. It just tasted like chocolate chalk.
Yay! And then I received my ugly purse prize in the mail and all was right
with the world (not shown – the 3 candy bars Harry and I immediately ate).
Yay! House is on tonight!
Boo! This is the last season of House.
Boo! I’m out of my favorite lipstick (Maybelline Moisture Whip* #370 – Toast) and they’ve discontinued it!
Yay! I found one that looks fairly similar (Maybelline Colorsensational #275 – Crazy for Coffee).
*Know who else uses Moisture Whip – that’s right, Wonder Woman!
Yay! I get to use more colors in my painting class
Boo! I still have to paint those ugly bottles (the yellow square is the area I’m painting).
Yay! BC&RL3 starts up this week.
Boo! I’ll have to trade in yummy potato chips for yucky rice cakes.
Yay! I will be able to fit into my jeans again.
Boo! I’ll have to trade in sitting on the couch for exercising.
Yay! I’ll feel and look better!
Boo! I’ll have to keep eating right and exercising for the rest of my days.
Yay! I have 3 more days to stuff myself with junk food!
I guess you can’t have the silver linings without the clouds.
What were the ups and downs of your week? Let me know in comments!
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Where Should Nathan Go On Vacation?
Late last week, Nathan contacted me with a post idea. It seems that he has a week off in July and has no clue what to do and where to go on vacation. Here are my ten suggestions:
Stay in Canada! Canada is a beautiful wasteland of ice and snow. Who wouldn’t want to spend some free time exploring an iceberg, making snowmen, adding unnecessary u’s to words, and napping inside of an igloo! The temperature never goes above freezing in Canada! Slap on your formal wear and have a ball!
Why not spend a week in wonderful Baghdad, Iraq! The largest city in Iraq is home to political unrest, massive troop withdrawals and startling civil rights violations. Who wouldn’t want to visit Baghdad? I hear that they have the best gay clubs in all of the Middle East!
How about a week in North Korea? Spend your time with the new supreme leader, Kim Jong-un! Try your hand at designing weapons of mass destruction, try on a huge selection of Kim Jong-il‘s high heeled shoes, and threaten to start World War III! And that’s all just in the first day!
How about a tour of Chernobyl, Ukraine? Tour the disintegrating nuclear sarcophagus, sample the local radioactive cuisine, and dance the night away with all the local mutants! You’ll leave Chernobyl with a “healthy” green glow that all your friends will be jealous of!
How about a lovely hike near Moab, Utah? While you’re there, make sure to get your arm stuck under a rock … and spend the next 127 hours practicing your survival skills!
Why not spend a week in sunny Afghanistan? Tour the expansive deserts (but watch out for IEDs!) or spend a few days hiding in a cave. For an extra few hundred bucks you can attend a actual terrorist training camp!
Spend a week exploring Antarctica! Antarctica, on average, is the coldest, driest, and windiest continent, and has the highest average elevation of all the continents. I can’t think of a better place to slap on some eyeliner and PAR-TAY!
What, you haven’t heard of Centralia, Pennsylvania? All properties in the borough were claimed under eminent domain by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania in 1992 (and all buildings therein were condemned), and Centralia’s ZIP code was revoked by the Post Office in 2002. Why? Because the mines below the surface are expected to be on fire for the next 250 years! Get yer tan on in Centralia!
None of those vacations are ticking your fancy? Then how about fabulous Somalia? Since the outbreak of the Somali Civil War in 1991 there has been no central government control over most of the country’s territory. But that can’t stop the bustling tourism business! Spend a day working as an actual Somali slumlord or reenact scenes Black Hawk Down!
If all else fails, you can always spend a week in the pink! Fat Betty’s anus is a warm and inviting … but be warned, when it’s poo-time, you’ll feel like you’re standing in the middle of the busiest highway in North America. She eats a lot, and yes, she poops a lot.
Those are my 10 best suggestions! Do you have a favorite, or maybe you have some ideas of your own? Help Nathan in the comments!
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