I was paging through the latest issue of Details magazine and I don’t know why, but this article caught my eye.
It’s all about The Six Fastest Ways To Get Ripped; which are (1) pull-ups, (2) bench presses, (3) squats, (4) farmers walks*, (5) military presses* and (6) deadlifts*. BUT I DISAGREE! That list is complete bullshit.
Here’s my list of The Fastest 6 Ways to Get Ripped:
1. Have good genes.
2. Exercise 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
3. Take lots of steroids.
4. Never eat anything that tastes good.
5. When the photographer comes, make sure you’re super tan, dehydrated, and covered in oil.
6. Make sure that they Photoshop the crap out of you so you look perfect!
CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are super ripped and everyone wants to have sex with you!
*You may be wondering WTF farmers walks, military presses and deadlifts are. I have no idea. If I had actually read the article, I could probably tell you.
Unless you’re living under a rock that doesn’t have Internet access or a twitter account, you know that yesterday, an earthquake rocked the east coast of the US. Friends of C&R as far north as Mel and as far south as VUBOQ reported feeling the 5.8 magnitude tremor. (Why don’t we have any readers in the southern states?)
So what other natural disasters have you experienced? We’re about to find out.
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever experienced a power outage for over 3 days?
2. Have you ever experienced a heat wave?
3. Have you ever been hit in the head with hail?
4. Have you ever been adversely affected by drought?
5. Have you or your family ever been affected by a health disaster or an epidemic?
6. Have you ever survived a flood?
7. Have you ever survived a blizzard?
8. Have you ever survived an earthquake?
9. Have you ever survived a forest fire?
10. Have you ever been struck by lightning?
11. Have you ever been stuck in quicksand?
12. Have you ever fallen into a sink hole?
13. Have you ever been humped by Andy Dick?
14. Have you ever survived a hurricane?
15. Have you ever seen a tornado?
16. Have you ever witnessed a volcanic eruption?
17. Have you ever survived a limnic eruption?
18. Have you ever survived a landslide?
19. Have you ever survived a tsunami?
20. Have you ever survived an avalanche?
21. Have you ever experienced famine?
22. Have you ever been affected by a solar flare?
23. Have you ever been affected by gamma ray bursts?
24. Have you ever survived a nuclear meltdown?
25. Have you ever survived a meteorite impact?
Tell us your total in the comments!
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A friend for john?
In case you didn’t know, everyone’s favorite bunny has decided to get a pet.
Which of these animals will make the cut?
Probably none of these – john seems to be leaning towards a dog. Instead of a parakeet.
Which is silly, because, as everyone knows, parakeets are as good as or even better than dogs.
Why parakeets are better than dogs:
Their poops are smaller and easier to clean up
You’ll never see them pulling a “Toby”
They don’t slobber all over you when you kiss them
They don’t have bad breath
They are cheaper (food, toys, care) than a dog
You don’t need to walk them
They bathe themselves
They will vote for you in important C&R elections
They won’t hump your leg
They sing along to the radio with you
They love youtube
They can fly
They can talk (even though it’s creepy)
They get along well with rabbits
If john does get a dog,
he needs to decide on a breed.
The kid suggested a greyhound – but are greyhounds and rabbits a good mix?
A lab probably isn’t a good idea either…
Tam suggested a Cavalier King Charles spaniel…
Justin didn’t weigh in, but I’m sure he would suggest a Siberian Husky.
David P. suggested a large dog,
while Polt would go for a lap dog. Maybe a poodle, like Mama Polt’s Angel.
I am partial to Shiba Inus.
Or collies. You never know when you might fall down a well.
josh said to get a nice dog.
In one of my favorite Kids In the Hall bits, Bruce McCulloch sings the praises of a terrier:
So many choices!
So, john, if you do end up with a dog, I’m sure the lucky pooch you choose will be a great addition to your life and will provide you with lots of love, joy and companionship. Just don’t put a bandanna on it.
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