What do raindrops on roses, all edges brownie pans, schnitzel with noodles and apple bottom jeans have in common? They are not my favorite things (sorry Oprah and Maria von Trapp). I like other stuff. Here are a few of my favorite things:
My Le Crueset pitcher in Caribbean Blue. I just love the color. I got it so I can make iced tea (pouring the hot water in won’t crack it). I don’t like tea, and try as I might, cannot acquire a taste for it. But having this pitcher is an incentive to drink healthy, good for you, yucky tasting tea.
Nothing says “class” like plastic wine glasses (I also have plastic champagne glasses). We do have the crystal stuff, but who wants to hand wash a glass after enjoying their Beringer‘s zinfandel? The answer is: Not me.
Our TV trays – we use them ALL the time. Why eat at the dinner table when you can cram your face with food in front of the TV? Conversation is overrated anyway.
Butt warmers. Almost makes it worth driving a station wagon (it’s Harry’s – I will not cop to owning a station wagon).
Speaking of warm buns – croissants! Mmmm. Buttery, flaky and low calorie! Well, I’ll have to settle for two out of three.
Jasmine – this isn’t our jasmine. Ours isn’t quite as lush. But it’s blooming and smells heavenly.
Know what else smells good? Me! Because I use Elizabeth Arden‘s Green Tea perfume. It doesn’t smell like green tea, though, more like peppery lime.
Parcheesi! I love this game. Even though I haven’t played it in a million years, it’s still a favorite. Doubles, blockades, sending someone home – so much fun!
I love notebooks. I like the promise a brand new notebook holds. Maybe I’ll scribble down ideas for a post, make out a grocery list or start writing that million dollar novel – especially now that I’m participating in Craig’s Six Figure Summer (maybe he should make that Seven Figure Summer…).
See’s Milk Bordeaux candies. Did you know that See’s calls the sprinkles “chocolate rice”? You do now. Thank goodness they’re so rich or I’d be giving Fat Betty some competition.
So this is what I think of when the dog bites or the bee stings. And if you look under your chair, you will find… nothing! You get nothing! And you get nothing. Everybody gets nothing!
So what are some of your favorite things? Let me know in comments!
Our ninth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate nine weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
As we begin the 10th week of BC&RL3, we check in with each of our contestants with the simple question: How are you feeling? Good? Bad? Indifferent? Anything? Here’s what they had to say…
Adam
If one word could encompass how I am feeling, it’s FRUSTRATION. I eat well, I exercise (occasionally) and yet it seems to be increasingly difficult for me to lose weight. WTF! I’m so sick of this … I’m ready to just give up and become one of those blobby people in WALL•E.
Michelle M.
I would say I’m feeling optimistic. Even though I seem to have hit a plateau, I’m almost halfway to my goal. And that’s without exercising! My next step is to start moving around so I can drop the rest of the weight before summer begins.
Mikey
I’m a sad puppy because I haven’t lost nearly as much weight as I would like…and because I’m eating too much crap! I blame stress, work, and Adam. Why can’t we live in a world were foods that make you fat tasted like rotting shark flesh instead of one where they taste sooooooo good.
Polt
So this week we’re supposed to discuss how we feel. Me, kinda meh. I’m glad I’m out there walking so much, it makes me feel better physically. I’m a bit disappointed in myself that I don’t stick to the diet regime as strictly as I’d like to be. I’ve me even more disappointed that I can’t seem to overtake Michelle M. and get that purple line on the graph all for myself! I won’t know exactly how good I’ve done, blood sugar wise, until June, but I think I’m doing well. At least I really hope so. But by and large, I’m feeling now with the contest almost over the same way I did before it began: Meh.
Ryan
I’m feeling pretty good. I ended up walking 22.8 miles on Saturday and didn’t get as sore as I have in the past. I intend to try a full marathon length walk this week. With the extra exercise, I have been slacking about keeping within my calorie budget, so my weight has been flat. Hopefully, I’ll do better with that this week.
Mr. Sombrero
WTW?! I can’t believe it’s been 2 months. I’m nowhere near my goal of 10% which bums me out, but that only means that I have only few more weeks to get (half way) there. I am constantly working out and moving, so that’s a very positive thing. And if you’re wondering, this is actually a picture of me working out. Yeah, I’m that furry.
Tam
What am I feeling? Fat depressed frustrated pig. Sigh. I have been trying to be good, and nothing is happening. Arrgghh. I really need to get back in the measure and recording groove. This week. Cross my heart. It’s tempting to just say “screw it” and eat an entire cheesecake, but I haven’t gotten there yet, at least I’m not gaining. *eye roll* Ugh.
TwoPi
Classes ended last week, course grades are filed, and I’m essentially free for the next few months to recharge mentally and gear up for fall classes. And my weight is down a bit more, which is nice. So I ought to be able to say I’m feeling great, but instead… meh. Saw my physician yesterday, who looked at my weight (and other medical issues) over the long-term, and recommended I give up caffeine, and insisted I join weight-watchers. Sigh. So today I’m feeling more like disappointed-cat or discouraged-cat. However, I couldn’t find their pictures, so instead here is a photo of ennui-cat.
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
Our eighth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate eight weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
People say that you should never sweat the small stuff. But sometimes it’s the little things that drive us crazy. This week we asked each of our contestants what one (or more) ‘little things’ are that bother them. Maybe it’s their blobby fat that hangs over their waist band, or the way that diet food always seems to taste awful. Here’s what they said:
Tam
When you say little things, I’ll take it literally. Why are little things so fattening? It’s only a few peanuts. They’re miniature M&Ms. It’s just dried cranberries. All of them JAMMED with calories (in addition to good things). All small food should have small calories. If you eat a huge burger, big calories. Tiny cookies, tiny calories. Why are these things not logical?
Mr. Sombrero
There are few things that bother Mr Sombrero. Number one is the scale. It hasn’t moved in weeks. What the frak scale?! I thought we were in this together?! Did Adam put you up to this? [no response] Whatever. Another thing that bothers Mr Sombrero is his full length mirror. I don’t like what I’m seeing. Yes I’m talking to you mirror. Don’t give me that fat look. You know what else bothers Mr S? That kid that lost his cupcakes. Yeah that Ryan kid. Showoff. I think I’ve seen some of his cupcakes hanging around my scale. And another thing, what is up with veggie farts. I mean seriously, enough is enough. And do they have to smell like hipster’s wool hat on a hot and humid urban August afternoon? Yeah these are some of my (least) favorite things…
Ryan
I’m getting tired of tracking everything. It’s the key to my success so far, but it gets really frustrating whenever I eat something outside of my normal routine. The uncertainty of how much food something contains can make planning the rest of the day pointless. This leads me to rely mostly on whether I feel hungry, but this leads to the temptation to let myself have what I want to eat even if I shouldn’t.
Michelle M.
One of the little things I hate is being a girl and trying to lose weight. It’s hard to stay on track when you automatically put on up to 5 pounds of water weight each month. You think you’re being good and the WHAM the numbers on the scale jump up. It’s so discouraging. And craving sugar and salty snacks doesn’t help. Stupid hormones.
TwoPi
What irritates me the most is having to pay attention to the bathroom scale once a week. Bad enough having to stand on the darned thing, which naturally gives out a little creaking noise, as in “Oh my GOHD how many of you ARE there?” Then there’s a number, which is never the number I remember from when I was in high school (roughly the last time in my life I stood on a bathroom scale on a regular basis). And finally, there’s the blasted comparison of this week’s number with last week’s number. Ugh. I feel like a schoolboy who just got called in front of the class and didn’t do his homework. Bleh.
Mikey
The little things I hate are the way my shirts fit and the way that my pants fit. I feel like ALL of my shirts are too small and I float around like the pink iceberg named Fat Betty. My pants however are loose enough that I need a belt, but my belt doesn’t have a hole at the right spot….so they are constantly sagging and showing my ample rear.
Adam
A little thing that I hate? Clothes that don’t fit. I’ve gained some weight in the last year — and now the shirts I wore last year aren’t fitting. Why can’t someone design clothing that grows with you? Or maybe I should just buy every available size of shirts that I like. That way one of ‘em will always fit! Think of all the plaid!!!
Polt
So this week we’re talking about the little things we hate. Writing these blurbs each week can be a pain, but I’ll not mention that. And I thought I’d actually have to force myself to be taking walks, but I find I enjoy them, and frankly, feel a bit guilty when I don’t take one at least every other day. No, I think what irritates me the most about this diet thing, is the lack of variety in the food I’m eating. I’m eating all the meat and veggies I want (not that I want, or even eat all that many), but after awhile, I’ve just gotten sick of steak. I’d really like to have a sub and some chips, or a big plate of steaming hot pasta and meatballs, or a huge greasy slice of pizza…but I cant. Steak and salad for me…thank you very much. Ah well, in the end it’ll be worth it, right?
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
Our seventh week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate seven weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
Temptation is something that plagues every dieter. Whether it’s food, laziness, or something else — sometimes it’s all you’re thinking about when you should be eating healthy and exercising. What tempts our contestants? We’re about to find out!
Michelle M.
It doesn’t take much to tempt me away from exercising. But the couch/television and internet are the worst offenders. “All I wanna do is stay home and eat chips” – little Mackenzie (my favorite) from Dance Moms.
Polt
So this week’s theme is Temptation: what’s tempting me. Well, I’ve not had many chips in the last month, and I used to have them with nearly every meal, so they’re kinda tempting. And what do chips go best with but a delicious sub? Yeah, I’d like to have one of those, thick roll piled high with meat, mayo, lettuce, onions….yum. But what’s REALLY tempting me? PASTA! I’d give my left nut for a big bowl of fettuccine, covered in sauce and loaded with meatballs. YUM! For me now, pasta is the face of evil, tempting me so, yet SO wrong for me!
TwoPi
“I always avoid temptation, unless I can’t resist it.” Looking for images related to this quote, I stumbled on the cover of the sheet music for “Ev’rybody Shimmies Now”, which I can’t help but hear being sung by the Beach Boys. Apparently the Shimmy was a popular dance in the 1920s. Sorry, I got distracted. What is the theme again? Oh. I guess I’m tempted by the idea of the Beach Boys recording Mae West songs.
Tam
So, my biggest weakness is the damn computer. I’m either reading, writing something, or surfing the net. Sigh. I should be going for a walk, doing my laundry, something that actually requires burning more calories than typing. As for food weaknesses, lately it’s been ice-cream. (Not the Starbucks but the picture was close. I hate Starbuck.) It’s not a good thing when Ben & Jerry’s is on sale. I can resist when it’s $7/container, but $4 … not so much. Doesn’t help that this week is water retention week. Stupid girl problems.
Ryan
This past week they’ve been having food trucks come to our offices. This has disrupted my diet not only because I’m probably eating more than I normally would for lunch but also because the difficulty of figuring out how much I ate discourages me from making sure what I have for the rest of the day fits within my calorie ranges.
Mr. Sombrero
Dear PB, you suck! I love you. That about sums it up.
Mikey
My temptation of the moment is pizza. I have given in to it twice this past week, which explains why I am fatter today than I was last week. 
Anyway…I vow (again!) to resist temptation again. OH and to get off my fat butt and work out.
Adam
All I want is a cookie — ALL I WANT IS A COOKIE!! Why are vegan cookies still so bad for you? I haven’t had cookies in forevz (at least 2 days) and I still cannot seem to lose any weight. It’s pathetic! I’m just awful!!
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
Our fifth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate five weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
Our dieters are doing great! Have you ever wondered what their average meal looks like? This week we invited each of our contestants to submit a photo and a description of a meal that they’re particularly proud of. Here’s what they’re eating:
Mikey
The food pictured here is your typical diet food: tasteless and full of vegetables. Sometimes vegetables have flavor. These do not. These are the lengths I have gone to in order to lose weight…which appears to be stopping at the moment.
TwoPi
Weight loss did a bit of backtracking this week, which isn’t so surprising. Work is getting stressful (end of semester), and I’ve had some lapses of the between-meal snacking variety. I should have planned my photo better and gotten images from earlier nights cooking Mollie Katzen dishes, but instead it was “oh no I need to photograph what we’re eating TONIGHT” and so here is a pretty typical meal: homemade split pea soup and cornbread. Healthy in that there is fairly little fat (apart from what goes into the cornbread dough itself) and there are lots of veggies in the soup, which is thick enough so that one cup is quite filling.
Polt
This week, it’s our Meal Plan. Upon starting the competition, I had no meal plan, none at all. Since then, my new doctor has thrown me on low to no carb diet, so now, yes, I DO have a meal plan. Here is a typical meal: twice baked potato (37 grams of carbs) (I’m allowed 45 per meal), steak (although there’s also been a lot of ham, burger patties, and sausages), a small side salad (having one of those with EVERY meal), Diet Coke, and the current book I’m reading. I do not, however, eat the book, I just read it while eating. And yes, this is basically what my meals consist of nowadays (although asparagus or green beans take the place of the potato).
Ryan
I’ve been continuing my culinary experiments. The photo shows off my latest trial before I cooked it. My goal was to increase the beans to non-beans ratio and therefore the protein to carbohydrate ratio, and that was a success. However, cooking that much stuff at once is pushing the limit of my Crock Pot, and the black beans made everything else a lot less colorful. I think next time I will cook the non-beans separately.
Tam
Okay, so I was a total loser and didn’t know about the picture thing, so here is a mock-up of a meal I had. Steak, rice and roasted orange cauliflower. My steak didn’t look quite like that, but close enough. That’s pretty typical. We do eat pretty healthy. Breakfast is usually cereal or toast and juice, lunch is either a salad or sandwich with fruit and dinner is a protein, carb and vegetable. I’m really frustrated though because I have been so good for nearly 2 weeks, recording everything I’ve eaten, am ALWAYS under the total allowed and this week, nothing. Arrgghh. I’m considering trying the Polt diet. Maybe I need to go low-carb and shock my system into realizing it’s not playing fair.
Mr. Sombrero
I am very proud of this meal because it looks like a pool of barf, and C&R readers can appreciate a good barf pic. Apart from the snacks (which are my downfall), my meals are pretty healthy. Granted, they are not always vegan, but I try. 
Michelle M.
This was my dinner Tuesday night. Half a turkey burger light (Harry had the other half) with bbq sauce and a side of steamed vegetables. I was going to submit a photo of a vegetable stir fry, a light pasta, or a soup or something, but I didn’t feel like cooking that night. In general, my meals (especially the ones I cook) are healthy – it’s the junk I snack on at night that is turning me into fat Betty.
Adam
This is a dinner that I make every week or so. What you’re looking at: grilled tempeh (grilled on my George Foreman Grill), avocado, broccoli, grape tomatoes, cubanelle peppers, baby carrots, baby portabella mushrooms and mixed greens. All that is topped with a mix of balsamic vinegar and a little bit of olive oil, some spices and a shake of ground flax seeds. I gave up all soda (diet and otherwise) a few weeks ago, so that’s unsweetened iced tea in the glass. My issue has always been snacking on junk food AFTER dinner … but I’ve been trying to give that up too. Maybe my straight line on the chart will actually move next week!
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
 | Mikey on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | poltguy on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Michelle M. on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | The Incredibly Shrin… on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
| Michelle M. on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
| Mikey on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
| Polt on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
| poltguy on Interior Design … With… |
Where Should Nathan Go On Vacation?
Late last week, Nathan contacted me with a post idea. It seems that he has a week off in July and has no clue what to do and where to go on vacation. Here are my ten suggestions:
Stay in Canada! Canada is a beautiful wasteland of ice and snow. Who wouldn’t want to spend some free time exploring an iceberg, making snowmen, adding unnecessary u’s to words, and napping inside of an igloo! The temperature never goes above freezing in Canada! Slap on your formal wear and have a ball!
Why not spend a week in wonderful Baghdad, Iraq! The largest city in Iraq is home to political unrest, massive troop withdrawals and startling civil rights violations. Who wouldn’t want to visit Baghdad? I hear that they have the best gay clubs in all of the Middle East!
How about a week in North Korea? Spend your time with the new supreme leader, Kim Jong-un! Try your hand at designing weapons of mass destruction, try on a huge selection of Kim Jong-il‘s high heeled shoes, and threaten to start World War III! And that’s all just in the first day!
How about a tour of Chernobyl, Ukraine? Tour the disintegrating nuclear sarcophagus, sample the local radioactive cuisine, and dance the night away with all the local mutants! You’ll leave Chernobyl with a “healthy” green glow that all your friends will be jealous of!
How about a lovely hike near Moab, Utah? While you’re there, make sure to get your arm stuck under a rock … and spend the next 127 hours practicing your survival skills!
Why not spend a week in sunny Afghanistan? Tour the expansive deserts (but watch out for IEDs!) or spend a few days hiding in a cave. For an extra few hundred bucks you can attend a actual terrorist training camp!
Spend a week exploring Antarctica! Antarctica, on average, is the coldest, driest, and windiest continent, and has the highest average elevation of all the continents. I can’t think of a better place to slap on some eyeliner and PAR-TAY!
What, you haven’t heard of Centralia, Pennsylvania? All properties in the borough were claimed under eminent domain by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania in 1992 (and all buildings therein were condemned), and Centralia’s ZIP code was revoked by the Post Office in 2002. Why? Because the mines below the surface are expected to be on fire for the next 250 years! Get yer tan on in Centralia!
None of those vacations are ticking your fancy? Then how about fabulous Somalia? Since the outbreak of the Somali Civil War in 1991 there has been no central government control over most of the country’s territory. But that can’t stop the bustling tourism business! Spend a day working as an actual Somali slumlord or reenact scenes Black Hawk Down!
If all else fails, you can always spend a week in the pink! Fat Betty’s anus is a warm and inviting … but be warned, when it’s poo-time, you’ll feel like you’re standing in the middle of the busiest highway in North America. She eats a lot, and yes, she poops a lot.
Those are my 10 best suggestions! Do you have a favorite, or maybe you have some ideas of your own? Help Nathan in the comments!
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