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Bloggy Gift Exchange 2011!

This year’s Bloggy Gift Exchange featured 25 bloggy friends, 24 awesome gifts, 2 countries, lots of smiles, lots of sugar, a few tears, a pack of Magnum condoms, and tons and tons more. Thanks to everyone for making this year’s gift exchange a huge success! We’re truly a classy bunch, and here’s the proof:


To: Mush
From: Nathan

…here’s my awesome nerdy gifts from bassoonist Nathan! Yay! It’s a virulent rabies plush and a sciency Doctor Who disappearing TARDIS mug! This photo image came out just the way I wanted it. YES THAT’S RABIES ON MY HEAD AND I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU. COFFEE? SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM? RAAAAAAAAAAAABIEEEEEES!


To: Polt
From: Tam

Tam had my name and she sent me a book about the quirks and histories of comic books and also a Dallas Cowboys garden gnome. Only thing that coulda made the gift better was to have it delivered by a Speedo-clad Asian Twinkie with a hairthing. This is the photo of me enjoying them both. HUGS…


To: Adam
From: Polt

Santa Polt (and his award-winning ass) sent me a box full of the world’s two best things: plaid and purple. Thanks to Polt, I can be cozy and formal with this super-warm hat and fantastic tie. I plan to wear them both as I spend many hours each night drawing pictures of Craig getting peed on or amassing enormous lists of blog post tags. Maybe this tie will help me land a great new high-paying job in the new year? I’m totally going to wear them both on my lumberjack interview next week! Fingers crossed that it pays well!


To: Mikey
From: FDot

FDot sent me this amazing life size TARDIS. Along with my dancing monkey fez, I think I make a very convincing Doctor. I also think I should use my TARDIS to go back in time and prevent myself from eating whatever it is that made me look so fat in this photo. I honestly do not care if doing so destroys the fabric of time.


To: Ty
From: VUBOQ

VUBOQ made me a beautiful mug and bowl. He also got me TWO varieties of Reese’s. I could only assume he wanted me to use it all to make a nutritious holiday breakfast.


To: Craig
From: Ty


My gift from Ty was titled Craig’s Sex-Mas Adventure! It was a three step process. First I was told that the clothes make the man, so he gave me this shirt and told me to put it on, then peel it off sexily. then he told me to spritz myself with cologne and dream of Cumming (Alan, that is), and finally I was taught that chocolate is a well known aphrodisiac and to sample these delicious chocolates to get in the mood. Once I finished the chocolates I was met with a horrific sight too reprehensible for words and I lost my hard-on immediately. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get it up again. Merry Christmas to me, I guess.


To: Mel
From: Ryan


I got a phenomenally well-packed box from Ryan consisting of two types of cookies and a Christmas mix CD. The cookies were all painstakingly wrapped to arrive intact. I was singularly impressed, even though I’d have happily eaten crumbs.


To: Tam
From: Mr. Sombrero


My bloggy gift came from the wonderful Mr. Sombrero in “Jersey”. It was full of all kind of delightful things to eat from many different places. There was cherry jam from Croatia (which I ate on my bagel Christmas morning and it was delish), French cookies, British tea, chocolate from lots of place including some kind of potato chocolate thing from Idaho. 0_0 Chocolate poker chips and chocolate from Dylans, a gingerbread cookie that looks like a NYC cab, and a lolly with my initial on it. Now that I’ve taken the picture I’m looking forward to trying them all. Thanks so much for the fun foods, none of which I’ve tried before.


To: Kristen “The Kid”
From: Talita


So Talita was my secret Santa which was wonderful because everything she gave me was perfect! Included in my “care package” was two perfectly scented candles (cranberry pear Bellini and candied sugar plum), some nail polish, peppermint foot cream from Lush, spider man head phones (which I squealed over they were wonderful), some hot chocolate, tea, soap, some lip products and a cookie! It was wonderful, I love everything so much :D


To: Jere
From: David P.


Here are photos of my gifts from David P. I would post pictures of myself enjoying the gifts like the booze and condoms (and I did enjoy them – I’ve been a naughty boy this holiday), but I’m afraid that you would use it as often as you use that picture of Polt’s ass. Sorry. The comic book magnet has a wonder woman costume malfunction joke that’s lost on me, but the chocolate covered stuff was yummy.

Note: the post-its in the photo are – alcohol: “because you like BOOZE”; chocolate: “because you like things covered in CHOCOLATE”; magnet – “because you are a comic book GEEK”; condoms – “because you have big FEET”


To: Michelle M.
From: Mikey


My gift came from Mikey. He sent two BIG bags of cookies, and a whole bunch of Hershey’s kisses. They were delicious and didn’t last long. And I should get major points for sharing with Harry. I also received these amazing Wonder Woman socks (complete with capes), perfect for fighting crime, reading in bed, attending a live action Wonder Woman movie, etc. I love(d) all my gifts – Thank you Mikey!!


To: John
From: Craig

I received my gifts from none other than Mr. Puntabulous himself: Craig! Here you can see the Christmas bunnies looking at the gifts Craig sent (and eyeing the Alfa-carrots). Craig sent me a card of bunnies avoiding the ark; which is part of a series on bunny deaths; it totally made me laugh! He sent me a cd of new Craig Christmas music. And piece de résistance: a dancing monkey t-shirt and pants.

I believe that this is Craig’s way of marking me as king of the dancing monkeys. Do not fear, I will be a benevolent ruler…All shall love me and DISPAIR!!!

Thanks Craig! I love my gifts! The carrots were tasty, the music fun and the pjs comfortable.


To: Ryan
From: Mush

I got this awesome package from Mush. It included two CDs (buddha-bar VIII by Sam Popat and Live in Las Vegas by Santa Fe and The Fat City Horns), Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, and the Animatrix DVD. I haven’t had much of a chance to listen to the CDs because I’ve been inundated with new music and been busy with non-music listening activities, but what I’ve heard so far has me excited. It’s outside my usual genres, which is the hardest to find good new music. I’m also looking forward to reading the book. I really enjoyed Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale and was intending to explore her other work. I’m also looking forward to watching the collection of shorts exploring the time before the Matrix movies.


To: TwoPi
From: Jere

My Bloggy Gift giver was Jere. He gave me an Elvis beanie baby (from the Elvis Museum in Las Vegas!), and set me up with the ultimate in New Year’s Eve eye-wear for Times Square, or the local equivalent, a gathering of friends assessing Dick Clark’s ability to count backwards. Cajun chefs have their holy trinity of bell peppers, onions, and celery — for TwoPi, the holy trinity is Elvis, Vegas, and Purple — and no day can match their over-the-top glories better than New Year’s Eve! Fantastic!


To: Heather (Xi)
From: Justin

I got the most fabulous present from Justin: a replica of one of the original Education Monkey multiplication tools, invented in 1916 and named after Consul the performing monkey. You move the feet so that they point to two numbers at the bottom, and then the hands [yes, hands -- stop giggling] point to the product. I’ve never heard of this before, or seen anything like it, which makes it especially exciting. Thank you thank you thank you!


To: Chris D.
From: Michelle M.


Michelle M. gave me an amazing assortment of gifts! She gave me a candy cane, Charlie Brown Christmas CD, Peppermint Bark, a vintage Christmas postcard (from 1911, it is like a perfect little time capsule from a bygone era!), a Marcel the Shell with Shoes on book (I LOVE IT!), AND…… a Marcel the Shell with Shoes on figure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This made me smile a whole lot! Michelle M. is an amazing gift giver! :)


To: Nathan
From: Chris D.

For my present I received, not one, but two beginner Japanese books! This was an amazing present for me because I’m hoping to actually go to Japan next year. Thanks so much to Chris for my fantastic gift. He even made me a little homemade ornament for the Christmas tree at home! An excellent gift.


To: Mr. Sombrero
From: Kristen “The Kid”

My gift from Santa “The Kid” Kristen was amaaaahzing and layered to satisfy all the senses!  Not only did it include the best thing the Western civilization came up with – a box of Holiday edition Smarties (the Canadian ones, not the US kind; think M&M’s in a harder shell) – but also, and this is the even more awesome, a donation of a mango tree for school kids in Rwanda. Now that’s a global gift that keeps on giving. And to signify the donation, my gift also included a box of dried mangoes, yummmmmm… So Kristen, all I gotta say is… Urakooooze (that’s thank you in Rwandan.

Tam and Kristen also included a tin of delicious homemade vegan gingerbread cookies for me to share with Adam!  Here are a few of our favorites:


To: VUBOQ
From: Adam


Photo One. This is me enjoying one of my many gifts from Adam – a book! Hot Guys and Baby Animals. Hot! Cute! Fun!

Photo Two. This is me …um… enjoying another gift from Adam – vegan beef jerky (tequila lime flavor). Delicious! (OK. Not really delicious. In fact, it was kind of gross).

Unfortunately, I don’t have a photo of me getting the taste of tequila lime vegan beef jerky out of my mouth with some truly yummerz dark chocolate! MMmmmm. Chocolate. I also don’t have photos of me taking a fun Unicorn Lavender Lotus Bubble Bath. Nor gleefully stamping “Who Cares” on all the crap my co-workers produce at work. But, those were other gifts from Adam that I totes *heart*.


To: David P.
From: Miley Cyrus & Enrico

I was the lucky recipient of a package hand-delivered by the amazingly talented Miley Cyrus, although what she was doing in Crown Heights is anyone’s guess. Oddly enough, inside the package were an assortment of gifts by the equally, if not more, amazing and talented but non-poll-dancing Enrico! As you can see, I was provided with two boxes of high-end macaroni and cheese mixes that I will be getting fat from shortly. Also among the loot were three Pulitzer prize-winning books (I’ve read one of them, but giving me something I can re-gift is a gift in and of itself) and I will definitely enjoy reading the other two over the next few months. And lastly, the pièce de résistance is the pack of nude male playing cards that will add a certain something special to my future games of solitaire. If you zoom into the photo, you can also make out the clever notes that were included with each present. Thank you so much, Miley! Oh, and you too, Enrico!


To: Enrico
From: John

My secret Santa got me two amazing presents! Knowing I’m a huge Miyazaki lover, he got me this Totoro thingy that I’m hanging on my wall as soon as I get a hammer. I’ve been meaning to read John Updike’s Rabbit, Run for years now, and now I can, since he also got me the novel and its first sequel, Rabbit Redux. I LOVE BOOKS AND TOTORO. Thanks John! After Michelle, you’re the best!!


To: Talita
From: Mel

I received amazing blueberry Jam, that was so delicious. A soy pine candle that smelled so good, I love soy candles they burn longer then regular candles. This candle added just the right amount of holidays to my house without being over whelming. My gift came packaged in awesome Christmas Tin!! Thanks for the great gifts Mel!!


To: FDot
From: Heather

I arrived home from my trip to Colorado to find a whole package of goodies awaiting me from Heather. Herein pictured are the goodies. 1 Post Office Priority Mail Box, no doubt chosen to hold everything else. 1 piece of Milk Chocolate, already eaten. 1 book of “Where Are They Buried?”, already perused and used to capture pictures for the next round of ‘Guess that Grave!”. 1 Electronic Rubik’s Cube Puzzle, opened and attempted. 1 packet of Punch Balloons, of which one has been inflated and punched repeatedly to relieve frustration from failing at the Rubik’s Cube puzzle. An extremely successful box of Christmas gifts, covering all I hoped for and making me very happy, as evidenced by the large smile I have on my face.


To: Justin
From: M Nico

If I’m looking a bit pouty it’s because Bloggy Santa left me empty handed this year. Don’t worry unduly I’m in intensive therapy for the *sniff* trauma *sob* No really I’ll be *chokes up* fine :(


To: M Nico
From:TwoPi

M Nico has refused all attempts at communication and presumably did not send a gift to Justin.  Many thanks to TwoPi for generously sending a gift to M Nico!! M Nico, we hope that you’re okay!!!



Once again, thanks to everyone for your participation in the 2011 Bloggy Gift Exchange!


Can’t get enough of our gift exchanging? Jump over to Josh Is Trashy to see our exchanges from 2010 and 2009.

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10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are Gross!

In case you were not aware, I’m what scientists refer to as a “homosexual.”  In layman’s terms, that means that I’m a guy that is sexually attracted to other guys.  Females of the species need not apply.  And unlike many of my homosexual brothers, I have never tasted (nor stuck my aroused unit into) the mysterious pink wonderland that is known as a “vagina.”  Why not?  Simply put: vaginas are gross!  Here’s 10 reasons why:

1. They’re foreign!  What is that thing?  It looks like a mess of flappy skin with a hole in the middle.  Ew!

2. What’s in there?  Teeth?  I saw that movie … it was quite eye-opening.

3. They’re smelly!  I hear that they often smell of fish sticks and cabbage that has sat in the sun for a bit too long.

4. Yeast infections!  I’m not even sure what a yeast infection is … but ew!  Wash that thing out once and a while!

5. Periods!  Menstrual cycle?  Yuck!  Why is there blood dripping out of your vagina?
If it’s bleeding, then maybe you should just let it die!

6. Babies come out of them!  WTF!  How does a freak’n baby fit through that hole?  That’s disgusting!

7. The clitoris.  Straight guys can’t find it … I don’t even know what it is!
And upon research … is it just a tiny penis?

8. Queefs?  My dick never farts … why are there farts coming from your frontside?

9. How do they work?  Where does the penis go?  Where does the pee come out of?
Can Google Maps help me?  Please?

10. It’s not a penis!  ‘Nuff said!

Let’s Snoop Around the C&R Readers’ Desks!

There’s something kinda fun and dangerous about snooping around someone’s private things.  Whether you’re peeking in a coworker’s drawers, peeking in a blogger’s windows (yes, I’m referring to Polt), or taking a peek inside someone’s medicine cabinet when you use their bathroom, you experience a certain feeling that’s kinda cool.  Your adrenalin surges a little bit as you picture yourself as a sneaky detective looking for clues.  Or maybe that’s just me.  (And now that I’ve written this, I doubt that I’ll ever be invited to any of your houses ever again.)

Last week I asked the C&R readers to submit photos of their office desk or workspace, so we could all snoop around and make fun of their desks.  (click to enlarge all photos!) Here’s what was submitted:

First up, here’s a photo of my own desk.  My desk is the epitome of [professionally undiagnosed] Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  At first glance, it would appear that I’m not busy — but I am, I just keep everything that I’m working on in a small stack under my phone.  There is a near-complete lack of personal objects (my idea/dream is that I’ll quit or be laid off at any moment, and I don’t want to carry anything out the door with me).  Objects of note: cutout of Canadian goose (a coworker stuck it there), 3 computers (a Mac flanked by two PCs), and my impressive colored paperclip collection in the left corner, which actually stretch from ceiling to floor.

You can probably guess whose desk this is by the Dilbert calender.  It’s Craig‘s!  As we learned via Twitter a few weeks ago, Craig is currently working a in a giant trailer on a construction site.  His desk is small and impersonal, and appears to have no privacy at all (no wonder he’s always bitching about the name of this blog…).  Craig’s desk features a few organized piles of papers and a large monitor that is crammed with boring spreadsheets.  Objects of note: Tissue box, cup, small mysterious bottle (to the right of the calendar), and a lack of C&R on his computer screen.

Mikey submitted two photos of his desk at the International Gay & Lesbian Human Rights Commission. The first made me wonder if Mikey works in a yellow haze all day long, but the second photo somewhat reassured me that his camera was just playing tricks.  Mikey appears to have a lot going on at work, as his desk and bulletin boards are cluttered with papers, headphones, and various personal effects.  Objects of note: A bulletin board that is leaning against the wall (no one at the IGLHRC can hang that on the wall for him?),  a small square jar of rocks, the famous photo of Mikey as Marylin Monroe, and a stack of business cards that I designed for him!

Mikey’s Dad submitted these two photos of his spacious office area.  Clearly an office where there is a lot going on, Mikey’s Dad’s desk(s) appears to be the workspace of multiple people.  This office features lots seating, nice wall/desk colors, and lots of storage (cabinets and drawers).  Objects of note: lots of bottles and buckets that house mysterious substances, a cardboard box shoved under desk, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, the view of a store (?), and a complete lack of C&R on the computer screens.

Mr. Sombrero submitted this photo.  Our repeated attempts to ascertain whether or not a tornado, hurricane or exploding bomb had created such a mess have gone unanswered.  What we can see is that Mr. Sombrero has two Macintosh computers, and one was apparently shoved aside to make room for the larger of the two.  Objects of note: a mustache hanging from his monitor, a photo of his kitty, and lots and lots and lots of papers.

Paul submitted these three photos.  The first is of his nameplate, which I assume he is very proud of.  The second is a photo of his very organized office (which rivals my OCD, to an extent).  Paul’s office is very color coordinated — almost everything is either black or white.  The few specs of color that you may notice are Post-It notes that have been stuck to the wall.  I applaud Paul’s neatness and organization!  The final photo is a photo of his computer, featuring a Dr. Who and Star Trek theme.  This appears to be the only hint of Paul’s geekiness in the entire office.  Objects of note: a glass hand next to the calculator, lots of binders, and Paul’s own personal printer (jealous!).

Polt submitted this photo of his desk.  Polt rivals Mr. Sombrero for the messiest of the submitted desks, but Polt gains points back for having (what appears to be) C&R on his computer screen (even thought it looks all screwed up in the ancient version of Internet Explorer that he’s using).  Polt’s tiny desk features piles and piles of paperwork, toys, a phone and not a whole lot else.  Objects of note: Polt’s odd choice of a steno pad mouse pad, a surprising lack of purple, Spongebob and Superman toys, and the awful mint-green door and wall that Polt probably has to look at all day long.

VUBOQ‘s desk appears to be the exact opposite of Paul’s.  Where Paul’s desk was organized and stuck to a black and white color scheme, VUBOQ’s desk is a colorful collage of rainbow colors and happiness.  VUBOQ works in what I’m guessing is organized chaos; his work scattered all over his desk, intermingling with toys.  Objects of note: a green bag of rolled papers (they remind me of graduation diplomas), a colorful and flexible orange dinosaur, a jar of rubber cement (possibly for sniffing), action figures, Pez dispensers, and a colorful assortment of Post-It notes.

And finally (and slightly out of alphabetical order) is Tam‘s desk.  The first photo is of her desk, the second is the view into her office, and the third photo is the view out of her office.  Tam sent her photos complete with every possible bit of interestingness pointed out (making my job very easy).  Objects of note: Annoying window, Canadian recycling bin, flip chart why?, a really old calendar and delicious snacks.

So what do you think of all the desks?  Which is your favorite?  Neatest?  Messiest?  Craziest? Where would you like to work?  Leave your thoughts in the comments!

WHAT ARE U DOING RIGHT NOW?

Happy New Year! Ugh, I must have heard that about ten million times at work on Monday. I’m so over 2011. Anyway…

Guess what? I came up with a brand new game that we can all play! It’s called WHAT ARE U DOING RIGHT NOW? and the rules are simple. Throughout a single day, I text message all the players a few times with the simple phrase: “WHAT ARE U DOING RIGHT NOW?” If they’re not too busy, they reply within five minutes with a photo and a quick description of what they’re doing. It’s that simple!

Today’s player lineup: Craig, Enrico, Josh, Mikey & Adam

 

12:27pm EST – WHAT ARE U DOING RIGHT NOW?

Enrico: I'm on my way to the farmers market with Rebecca to get lunch!

Adam: Sitting in my coworker's car waiting, for him to get his lunch at Lisa's Deli.

Josh: About to eat a piece of fruit shaped like the first letter of my name!!!!

Craig: Eating lunch at my desk

 

 

3:14pm EST- WHAT ARE U DOING RIGHT NOW?

Mikey: At work, listening to Cake and trying to write an email. My job sucks

Josh: Listening to Erykah Badu and working!

Enrico: Singing along to Taylor Swift and updating or teacher database.

Adam: Working on a spec ad for our circulation department ... zzzz

 


6:23pm EST- WHAT ARE U DOING RIGHT NOW?

Enrico: Waking up from a nap and hoping Ross made dinner while I slept.

Mikey: I just walked out the stupid door

Adam: finishing up work

Craig: On the train reading The Silver Chair

 

 

8:08pm EST- WHAT ARE U DOING RIGHT NOW?

Enrico: Eating mini-pizzas for dinner! Yummy and nutritious!

Josh: Yelling @ David about my day

Mikey: Chatting with Adam and reading Entertainment Weekly

Adam: Eating dinner and reminding myself why I got The Nanny Diaries from Netflix (Chris Evans).

Craig: Just changed into my pjs, taking my contacts out

OMG our lives are so interesting!  Don’t you just love us?! Think your life is more exciting? Want to play along?  Email us your mobile phone number, and we’ll include you in our next game of WHAT ARE U DOING RIGHT NOW?

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