So when Adam and Michelle put out their whiny request saying they were “tired” and “too exhausted” to post this week (wah wah wah) and DESPERATELY wanted guest posts, I thought … what could I, the classy sophisticated woman that I am, write about for a guest post? Of course, the obvious answer was Mikey’s favorite: hardcore gay porn.
Now everyone knows that straight girls only like porn with romantic music and floaty curtains, and soft gentle non-threatening male actors, right? Heh. Yeah. Well, I can’t speak on behalf of all straight girls, only the ones in my little pervy corner of the universe, and that description? Not so much. I decided I would do a survey of a few of my friends who I know enjoy a little man-on-man action, or at least a picture of a nekkid bottom now and then. 
Well, they told two friends, and they told two friends and so on, and so on. You know the drill. I ended up with 110 responses. Ack! I needed to buy a Survey Monkey pay subscription to access them all.
So what is the story with these women? They’re just looking at artsy pictures right? Well, we’re looking at pictures, I’m not sure how many are “artsy”. Have you been to Tumblr lately? Ahem. 97.3% have a gander at the boys, many on a daily basis, or several times daily, or hourly. Do you know how fast a dashboard moves on that site? Ya gotta keep up or you’ll miss a good one.
Now surely they’re not WATCHING videos. I must be alone in that jungle of testosterone, right? Oh no, I’m not alone. Basically 83% of us girls surveyed like to watch some hot video action, although we are basically cheap and don’t want to pay for it.
Okay, but they’re all single and sad and desperate like me I’m sure. Hmmm. Maybe? 37.6% of us are footloose and fancy free and can watch whatever the hell we want on the internet. But 35.6% have husbands who don’t really care.
I got some interesting comments:
So there you have it. But you’re asking “why?” right? Most people do, even other straight girls. And no, none of us imagine one of the ‘stars’ coming to their senses and sweeping us off our feet. Some of us like to watch straight porn or girl-on-girl as well, but there are a lot of common reasons women don’t like watching porn with other women in it. We are not the target audience. It’s aimed at men and as a rule shows women that men (supposedly) find attractive. The men involved don’t really matter, because straight guys are staring at the women. Straight girls? 
We’re looking at Ron Jeremy. Ack. If that’s not a freaking turn-off what is? I like to look at attractive men and seriously, you aren’t going to find many in straight porn. So I’ll go where my eye can enjoy the view, doubly, or more.
Here are some of the comments from my survey respondents:
So there you have it folks. In general the reasons why some of us girls like gay porn are: we like men and the way men look; straight porn makes us feel icky or self-conscious; and … it’s just hot. *shrug*
I received so many interesting answers to my questions about porn stars on twitter, live sex shows, strippers and how “out” you are with your habit, that I will definitely be using much of this info for some posts on my own site. Too much great data not to mine for other posts. 
I admit my survey sample was skewed to those who already have an interest in the subject matter, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as fun otherwise.
I know porn is not for everyone, but if it’s your thing, happy watching.
Check out Tam’s blog: Tam Reads, Writes & Rambles, read her reviews at Brief Encounters, or follow her on twitter.
Merry Christmas Eve Eve! Let’s celebrate the day before the day before FMS‘s birthday with your favorite Friday five-centric blog feature … The Friday Five!
#1. Sweet Cinnamon Wheat Thins are amazing! Never heard of them? I haven’t either! Apparently it’s only a limited edition flavor … so try them soon and stock up. The sweetness, the cinnamon, the saltiness, the crunch, the Wheat Thin … it’s like a party in my face.
#2. I’m Ready For Christmas because I’m organized, well-prepared and just downright awesome. My gifts are wrapped, my cards have been sent, my gifts have been mailed. Christmas usually stresses me the eff out, but this year — I’m less-stressed and ready to get this holiday over with.
#3. Presents! We’re days away from present-day! I’ve already gotten a few gifts, and most of them are pretty damn great. Really, what can be better than free stuff that comes wrapped? Oh, and giving gifts is pretty good too or whatever.
#4. Blog’n in 2012 is looking up. Most of the C&Rmy slacked off in 2011. The field is littered with a number of abandoned blogs, false starts, lackluster posts and abandoned promises. But as we turn the corner towards the new year, two new blogs from our old friends have emerged! Check out Michelle M.’s Cooper blog at Cooper’s Corner AND Craig’s new TV discussion blog at Our T.V. Night (hit refresh a whole bunch of times to check out the different banner graphics).
#5. We’re days away from A Cocky & Rude Christmas Carol … are you excited? Do you care? The C&R-style take on Charles Dickens’ classic tale will post in six parts beginning on Christmas day. You know the classic story … but do you know this story? Find out December 25-30th.
This week’s runners up: the season finale of American Horror Story, the trailer for The Hobbit, this pen, this guy’s killer ass, the trailer for Prometheus, baked acorn squash, Mama Polt and hardcore gay pornography.
What’s your Friday Five?
I just looked at the calendar, and ya know what I found? It’s Friday. And here at C&R, that can only mean one thing. We’re all going to sing Rebecca Black songs! It’s time for the Friday Five:
1. The New TV Season! Nearly all of the new shows this season are sucking some major shit… but Terra Nova was pretty good. Did you watch it? (Yea, yea, it’s sci-fi on Fox so I give it about half a season before they cancel it.) To make up for the lackluster crop of new shows, there’s plenty of great returning series that I’m excited about. Breaking Bad has been breathtakingly amazing! Plus It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Parks & Recreation, Fringe, Happy Endings, and Modern Family are all going strong. And I still love Glee, no matter what you say!
2. Andy Rooney is stepping down from 60 Minutes at the tender age of 472. Slacker! I hate lazy people that decide to retire early. They’re all so smug and rich. Ugh! Hate that! And who is Andy Rooney, anyway? I’m 31 … does anyone my age watch 60 Minutes? After a little bit of research, I’ve discovered that he’s a crotchety old geezer with ridiculous eyebrows. Jesus, man! Trim your forehead bush! Here’s some funny videos that make fun of Andy Rooney:
3. Taking personal days off of work is pretty great! I’ve worked at the same company for about 50 years, and I don’t think I’ve ever just taken a personal day. I’ve pre-scheduled ‘personal time’ before, but I’ve never just called out of work without lying about an illness. “Hey, it’s Adam … I’m going to take a personal day today. Call me if you need me … I’ll see you tomorrow.” It’s great! You should try it! I did it on Wednesday, so I could take a nap in the afternoon before training my way to NYC to have dinner with Mr. Sombrero and a friend. By the way, my favorite (made up) sick day excuse: “Hey it’s Adam. I’m going to take a sick day today. I’ve been up all night … the diarrhea is just awful. I must have food poisoning or something. It’s all over the walls of my apartment. I think it might even be on the ceiling. Oh God! I gotta go! See ya tomorrow!” I actually did that. It received a few hearty chuckles.
4. Beards. I find beards on guys to be incredibly sexy. And I mean facial hair — not a gay guy’s fake girlfriend that’s on him. Just to clear that up. Anyway — I’ve never really had a beard for more than a couple weeks before. I always end up getting frustrated (because they’re either itchy or begin to act like a drool sponge when I’m sleeping) but I’m totally over my beard’s itchy/sponginess. All you gotta do is wipe your face off when you wake up. Use an absorbent material like a paper towel or your boyfriend’s sheet. It works great! Yea, so I’m rock’n a beard right now. And I look goooood.
5. Apples are in season! Woohoo! With the beginning of autumn comes apple season. Yay, cheap delicious fruit at the grocery store! My three favorite apples are: 1. Jazz, 2. Honeycrisp and 3. Fuji. Someone bake me some vegan apple crisp with a side of vegan apple pie! Yum! I hope that apartment that Tam’s renting in NYC next weekend has an oven … so she can bake for me! Yay!
That’s it bitches! My five favorites of the week are: TV, Andy Rooney, Taking Personal Days, Beards and Apples! What a loverly assortment of favorite things. I’m totally more creative than that queefing madwoman or that other chick that doesn’t read C&R. Runners up this week: free food, reading, regularly cleaning your toilet, bursts of energy, fancy nail clippers, my Kindle, exclamation points, masturbating and hardcore gay porn. Woohoo!
What’s your Friday Five? Tell me in the comments!
Just about every week, Cocky & Rude presents you with a Friday Five. It’s a list of our five favorite things of the week, wrapped up in a concise package for you to enjoy. This week is no different. So sit back, relax, and enjoy (dramatic pause) the Friday Five.
First up this week is Chris Crocker. You may remember him from a few years ago when he urged the world to LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!! Fast forward all the way to 2011 and it seems that Chris has had a bit of a makeover. He’s now recording music, living with his boyfriend, … and will be starring in a full-length gay porno this summer! (Very NSFW preview photos can be found on Unrated Perez.) Oh, and he also has a Tumblr page, where he posts photos and answers questions like, “how do you know when someone loves you for you, and not for what you have, or what you can do for them?” Music, Porn, Dear Abby Chris … he’s a triple threat! Woo hoo! Way to go, Chris Crocker! I wonder if he still likes Britney?
Next up this week is something a little bit more G-Rated: Bicycling! I love to go on long bike rides (featuring tired muscles and a sore ass). But lately, my schedule has been so busy and my self has been so lazy that I just haven’t hopped onto the old 2-wheeler. So yesterday, for the first time this summer, I pumped up tires, tossed my bike into the Fit and drove to Washington Crossing State Park (that’s where Washington crossed the Delaware on Christmas in 1776 and changed the course of he American Revolutionary War). From there I rode my bike north along the D&R Canal Trail to just north of Lambertville, NJ. That’s a round trip of about 16 miles! Woo! Note: if you don’t see any blog posts after today, it means that I’ve died.
Third this week is the United States Postal Service! I must admit that it was going to be on my list of most hated things this week (because I am still waiting for all my birthday cards and presents from ALL of the C&R readers (Polt not included — he sent me a lovely card with cute boys on the front)) but the USPS really came through for me this week. They delivered Mush‘s prize for winning Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 in two days (yes, I just sent it THIS week, and yes, she won the contest on March 31st). I paid for the cheapest way to mail the box (because I’m poor) which claimed that it would get it to her in about 7 days … and it took 2. From New Jersey to Washington state in 2 days. I’m impressed. Oh, and speaking of the USPS, it’s also the cause of Patton Oswalt’s most recent tragedy. Enjoy:
Fourth this week are kittens! As a bunch of you already know, I volunteer every week at a cat shelter, where I clean up various disgusting fluids (like diarrhea, vomit, pee, etc.), empty litter boxes, replace food and water dishes, sweep, vacuum, bleach, scrub, squeegee, etc. Along with all my cleaning duties, I also get to spend a little time playing with cats … and kittens! The summer months always mean that we have lots of kittens … and in case you were somehow unaware, kittens are amazing. Not only are they playful and fun, they’re also soft, (usually) friendly, and most of all, they’re freak’n adorable. Check out this kitten video that Tam passed on to me:
And finally this week is the TV series, Fringe. I always try my best (unlike some bloggers) to avoid blabbing on and on about old TV shows that I’m watching. But I just finished watching three seasons of Fringe (over the course of about 3 weeks) and I wanna scream about it! How come I never watched this show? Have you seen it?! It’s great!! Granted, I love J.J. Abrams, the guy could take a dump for 2 hours, film it, call it a movie and I’d probably love it… But now I gotta wait until the fall season to see more Fringe? Inconceivable!!!
So that’s this week’s Friday Five. Do you love it? Chris Crocker, Bicycling, the USPS, kittens, and Fringe! It doesn’t get much better than that. Or does it? Tell me all about your five favorite things of the week in the comments!
Oh, and by the way, this week’s runners up are: the new cheap wok that I bought at Ikea, extra firm tofu, Trivial Pursuit questions (not the whole game), turtles, eBay, cancelling your Netflix subscription, and hardcore gay porn.
Welcome one and all to the Friday Five. It’s our weekly Cocky & Rude wrap-up of what’s great this week. This week’s list is full of hairy dudes, stinky things, great movies and weird web videos. But instead of teasing you any more … let’s get started!
First up this week is Natalie Portman’s newborn baby. On Tuesday, the 30-year-old, super-talented and adorable actress welcomed her first child. She had a baby boy … and we at C&R pretty sure that this is the father:
And not this guy:
But we look forward to the paternity test to prove us wrong.
Next up this week is Super 8. Lemme just tell you, this movie is Super Great. It’s the perfect mix of a classic Spielberg movie (like E.T., Jaws, or Close Encounters), and the fantastic storytelling of J.J. Abrams. Seriously, after Alias, Lost, the Star Trek reboot, and Super 8, I’ll follow J.J. anywhere he wants to take me.
And when I’m following him, I’ll be wearing flip flops. I may hate weather, but I love wearing flip flops in the summertime. And I’ll wear them anywhere that my feet will take me. They’re not just beach footwear anymore. Restaurants, stores, the office, and anywhere inbetween. I’m flip flopping it. Watch out!
Weiners have been in the news a lot lately, but what about their two cousins, the testicles? And something a lot of guys often experience (not me) is sweaty, stinky balls. The New York Times recently ran an article about all the great new (and humorously named) products that have been designed to tackle this pressing issue (that I’ve never had). And boys, next time you’re feeling a little damp down there, why not use a dash of ‘Man Powder,’ ‘Dry Goods,’ or ‘Dry Down Friction Free Powder.’
And finally this week is an unusual web video. I’m not quite sure what’s going on — just that there’s a bunch of oddly animated clips from The View and a whole lot of “Sextape.” I think this must be what it’s like to do a whole lotta drugs. Please enjoy(?) “SEXTAPE – ‘The View’ Remix” …
The Baby Portman, Super 8, flip flops, sweaty balls and that creepy weird ‘Sextape’ video — those are my five favorites of the week. Runners up this week include: New York, Ray Lamontagne, eating food, sleeping, roasted red pepper hummus and hardcore gay porn. What are your five favorites of the week?
Why do weeks with that start with holidays (read: a day off) always feel like the longest? Is it because we then try to cram five days of brain-numbing work into four? Or is because the three days we had off in a row are so glorious that the next four just seem to take forever? I’m going to say unequivocally that it is both. That is why I’m so freaking glad we got to Friday and I can write this glorious five for you. So sit up, pay attention and find out what absolutely irreplaceable things I loved this week.
To start things off, let’s cover stupid people. Maybe stupid people is too broad a term. Let’s go with completely brain dead, knee jerk, conservative jackwads. Some of them even go on Facebook and then think that the the news from the Onion is real. They rant and rave. Then those of us with brains laugh at their inanity. Visit Literally Unbelievable to see what happens when two brain cells interact with the digital world.
Speaking of the digital world, the folks over at The Frisky have created a flowchart with Adam in mind. It helps him to decide which of his two favorite creatures he is with: Spring or Mr. Sombrero. It is quite brilliant. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Now that we know how Adam figures out what mammal he is hanging with, we should move on to a less raunchy topic. I like to call it “what’s up your butt?” Obviously some of the same individuals who thought the Onion news was real have also found a billboard campaign in Washington state about colon cancer awareness too suggestive. The “What’s up your butt?” billboards were taken down after protests. I think it could have been worse. They could have said “you need to get fisted by your doctor to know if you have a disease that could kill you mercilessly.”
Now that we have you thinking about your butts, I’m going to move on to something more intriguing: me. The Museum of Me to be precise. It is a project by Intel designed to make your Facebook profile into a long distance commercial that yanks the tears from your eyes. And it works. Maybe it is because my current profile picture is of my new niece, but gosh…it had me at “hello.”
Now…I know you are thinking, “Mikey, that was only four things and you just talked about yourself. What more could a self-possessed man like yourself find more awesome than you.” Two words: my boyfriend. If you didn’t realize, he was on Jeopardy! on Tuesday and Wednesday of this past week. He was brilliant, poised and handsome. I can honestly think of nothing more important to feature on this week’s five than him.
Yay…you made it through the treacly part without jumping ship. I have to admit that this was a tough five to develop, but you have them in order from least important to most: Literally Unbelievable, the Frisky Cat Flowchart, What’s up your butt?, the Museum of Me, and my boyfriend. Close contenders this week were: sunshine, Montreal, Jem as voiced by Randall (of honey badger fame), and hardcore gay porn. What five things made your list this week?
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It’s Your Friday Five!
This week I decided to do something a little different with the Friday Five. I invited four of the C&Rmy to contribute their favorites of the week, and with our powers combined … I present Your Friday Five!
3. Billy on the Street (submitted by Michelle M.) Billy on the Street! It’s my new favorite show. Billy is hilarious. He is my new BFF (and Adam’s too).
5. Dogs & Wedding Proposals (submitted by Mikey) Who needs any of the other four on this list? I sure as hell don’t. Why do you ask? Well let’s see I came home from work on Tuesday to find a surprise waiting for me at home: an amazingly adorable English Bulldog named Roscoe. His presence in my house was enough to make my heart soar. But then I took a closer look at the heart shaped tag he was wearing. It simply read “Will you marry me? Love, Ty” If you haven’t heard yet, I said yes. The result is me being unable to stop skipping on my way to work and breaking into song. Be happy you don’t work in my office.
And seriously, how the hell can anyone top that?
CONGRATULATIONS MIKEY & TY!
This week’s Friday Five featured award winners, awesome television, Hollywood stars, manic game shows, vampires, hardcore gay porn, books, contests, dogs, washing machines, technical wizardry, innate manliness, marriage proposals, dog tags, and probably a whole bunch more crap that I’ve already forgotten. What could be better than that? Maybe your week? Tell us your Friday Five in the comments!
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