How are you celebrating National Etiquette Week (May 14th – May 18th)? Have you been kind to everyone in your life … even those smelly strangers? Is your life bursting at the seams with love, respect and good manners? Or maybe you’re a awful, nasty c-bag to everyone in your life. Either way, we’re about to find out!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!1. Have you ever been late?
2. Have you ever forgotten to introduce a date, friend or acquaintance to a group of new people?
3. Have you ever regifted a gift?
4. Have you ever forgotten to RSVP?
5. Have you ever taken the last bit of coffee and not made a new pot at work?
6. Have you ever commented negatively about someone on Facebook?
7. Have you ever farted in a public place?
8. Have you ever smoked a cigarette really close to non-smokers?
9. Have you ever cut in line?
10. Have you ever remained seated on public transportation when a disabled or elderly person was forced to stand?
11. Have you ever hogged a sidewalk so no one could pass you?
12. Have you ever clipped your nails (or otherwise groomed yourself) in public?
13. Have you ever engaged in excessive PDA?
14. Have you ever hit all the buttons in an elevator?
15. Have you ever let the doors close instead of holding an elevator for someone?
16. Have you ever skipped the tip at a restaurant?
17. Have you ever made a lot of noise in a quiet movie theater?
18. Have you ever left pubes, pee, poo or any other mess in or on a public toilet without cleaning it up?
19. Have you ever coughed or sneezed onto someone else?
20. Have you ever had a conversation with someone on speakerphone in a public place?
21. Have you ever used profanity in front of children in a public place?
22. Have you ever talked with your mouth full?
23. Have you ever behaved rudely at the gym? (not wiping off machines, monopolizing machines, etc.)
24. Have you ever not held the door for someone when entering or exiting a store?
25. Have you ever stared at someone’s boobs instead of their face when they were talking to you?
Tell us your total in the comments!
If only I had some bitch to wash my clothes for me!
In continuing with my theme of blog posts to gross out Michelle M. (please see this week’s offerings on nose picking and farting), today we will be talking about how often you wash your clothing. If you’re like me, laundry day is a real chore. I live in an apartment that offers no on-site laundry facilities. Luckily, my parents live pretty close by and are always willing to let me “borrow” their washer and dryer for a few hours. Hey I’m poor and I gotta save money where I can!
Laundry day is a huge process that usually requires me to roll out of bed at least 3 minutes earlier than normal. On days that I do laundry, I have to collect my dirty laundry from all over the house, stuff it into my laundry basket (which more often than not is still half-full of clean clothing from the previous wash), then load it all into the car, drive to one of my parent’s houses, lug it into their basement, steal laundry detergent & fabric softener sheets, press buttons, turn knobs, and then visit with them (a.k.a. play with my cell phone and ignore them) for a few hours. Ugh!
Clearly not my laundry. (Not enough plaid!)
My solution? Try to wash my clothing as infrequently as possible while continuing to be obsessively clean! Here are my rules:
Underpants must be washed daily (see yesterday’s post). I’m vegan, and my underpants can fill up with perfumy glitter pretty quickly — especially when Brussels sprouts are on sale at the grocery store. Same thing goes for socks … I never want to chance smelling like feet!
Pajamas are never worn. Why waste the space in the washer? And going commando at bedtime is just so freeing!
Sheets are washed once a week, especially during the summer. The idea of sleeping on dirty sheets grosses me out.
Towels are washed once every 3-4 days, and air-dried after each use in between. I do the same thing with kitchen towels (because they don’t take up much space in the washer and are better for the environment (and wallet) than paper towels).
Is this what I'm missing at the laundromat?
Shirts are washed on a sliding scale. I’m paranoid that someone at work will notice me wearing the same shirt as the day before — but (especially during the winter months) I’m always trying to come up with ways that I can stretch a shirt into 2 or 3 days of wear. Maybe a t-shirt from Sunday can double as an undershirt on Monday? Or one day’s t-shirt can be the next day’s gym shirt?
Sweatshirts, especially my favorite variety: the zipper hoodie are washed AS INFREQUENTLY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. I never wear just a sweatshirt, so when I wear a one, it’s basically a jacket. Plus when you wash them, they get all pilly and uncomfortable and start to shrink and UGH! I only wash them when I absolutely have to (when they start to STINK). Sometimes I’d rather just buy a new one.
Pants I’m blessed (thank you, FSM!) to have a job without a dress code, so I wear jeans every day of the week. Although you can actually go for over a year without washing jeans, I tend to wear mine for about 4 days between washes. My mother thinks this is gross and washes hers after a single day of wear.
Laundry, like cooking and cleaning, is best done by women.
Everything Else gets the sniff test. Gym clothes are washed pretty often (for obvious reasons). I never wash my jackets or shoes (out of fear that they’ll fall apart). I try to wash blankets whenever I can, but they only find their way into a washer every few months if they’re lucky.
So how often do you wash your clothes? Am I gross or overly clean? Next time that you see me in person, will you cross the street or give me a big hug? Lemme know in the comments!
By the way, if anyone would like to buy any of my dirty clothes (for sniffing, burning, voodoo dolls, bizzare sexual fetishes, or any other reasons), please email me.
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Have You Ever … Had Bad Business Etiquette?!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever farted loudly at work?
7. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a client/supplier/customer?
13. Have you ever left the copier jammed after you jammed it?
21. Have you ever been physically struck by a coworker
2. Have you ever burped loudly at work?
3. Have you ever pooped your pants at work?
4. Have you ever cursed at a coworker?
5. Have you ever been cursed at by a coworker?
6. Have you ever hung up the telephone on a coworker?
8. Have you ever stunk up the office with your nasty smelling food?
9. Have you ever eaten someone else’s food out of the office fridge?
10. Have you ever hogged the work microwave for 5 minutes warming up frozen food?
11. Have you ever borrowed office supplies off of a coworkers desk and not returned them?
12. Have you ever finished the office coffee and not made another pot?
14. Have you ever stolen office supplies from the office for home use?
15. Have you ever been reprimanded for not adhereing to the dress code at work?
16. Have you ever clogged the toilet at work and not tell anyone?
17. Have you ever snuck out of the office early and not tell anyone?
18. Have you ever used your lunch hour to interview for another job?
19. Have you ever complained about your job on facebook while at your job?
20. Have you ever physically struck a coworker?
22. Have you ever sexually harassed a coworker?
23. Have you ever been sexually harassed by a coworker?
24. Have you ever been sexually harassed by your boss?
25. Have you ever had sex with a coworker?
Tell us your total in the comments!
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