June 25, 2012
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Here are ten things that CREEP me the hell out:
Old timey dolls. What were people thinking in the olden days? Were they trying to scare their children to death? Who would want to wake up to see those evil little faces staring at you? The one above wants to swallow my soul.
Speaking of scaring children to death, jack in the boxes are another way to do it.
The anticipation of that thing popping out is enough to give me a heart attack.
Mayonnaise. SO GROSS! Barf!
Eyeballs. Specifically, touching or operating on them. The Lasik scene from Final Destination 5 almost did me in.
Bar soap*. Especially that slimy gunk between the bar of soap and the soap dish. Gag!
*More on this on a future post.
Mummies. I DON’T WANT TO SEE THAT! EVER! Put that thing back where you found it! (Plus, they carry curses).
Long toenails. Revolting! Clip that shiz before I lose my lunch!
(Also gross: long fingernails on men and those Lamisil toe fungus commercials).
Candle wax on birthday cake. And it gets on the best part – the frosting! I always worry that someone is going to blow too hard on the candles and spray that damn wax everywhere. If I’m in charge of candles, I put them all in one corner so the rest of the cake doesn’t get wax cooties.
Roaches. make. my. skin. Crawl.
So there you have it – ten things that I find utterly disgusting. Runners up were: hairy drain clogs,
hoarders, John Malkovich, porta potties and rotting, never brushed teeth.
What creeps you out? Let me know in comments!
March 30, 2012
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While the other lazy bloggers* on this site take a vacation this week, I had the distinct pleasure to see and write about all the awesome things that happened this week. What does that spell? FRIDAY FIVE!!!!
The first absolutely amazing thing to happen this week is release of The Hunger Games in theaters. I was eagerly anticipating its release since I read the books and I wasn’t disappointed. Sure some of the internal angst and paranoia of Katniss Everdeen were lost in translation when the filmmakers needed to externalize her thoughts, but the movie on its own is a powerhouse of entertainment and pleasure (which is really ironic since it’s about a bunch of teenagers made to kill each other). If you haven’t seen it, go right now. If you have seen it, go again. I plan to do just that.
After I recovered from Peeniss-mania, I was thrilled for the return of Mad Men. It came back with a bang and I have renewed my love for what is arguably the best television show of all time. The premiere wasn’t perfect or my favorite of in the shows cannon, but it raised a lot of really intriguing plot points that I am eagerly anticipating. Get on the bandwagon if you haven’t.
Speaking of Mad Men you might have heard that resident whackjob January Jones has been consuming her own placenta since giving birth. This is oddly night an isolated incident of self-cannibalism. It is some weird earthy trend. Ewww.
Now that you have vomited up your breakfast, I will treat you to a laugh. Have you ever wondered how all of your favorite internet porn memes would be if they got recreated by children? Well Romania has your answer. In a misguided campaign against child pornography, they have created just that. The results are amusing.
Rounding out our five is the achingly distant return of Doctor Who. The wunderkinds behind the show released a teaser trailer for the new season and it did exactly what it should have: make me go “huh?” and “OMG! I can’t wait.” So without further adieu…I give you Doctor Who.
That’s all folks. Just teenage bloodsport, Mad Men, placenta pills, crayon porn, and Doctor Who. What’s on your list? Please tell me it’s a petition to bring Adam and Michelle back. Please!
*I am fully aware of the fact that I am the laziest of the lazy involved with this blog. I just needed an attention grabbing opening line.