On July 4th, my mother took my grandparents (her parents) to a breakfast buffet. It wasn’t very crowded — there were probably 40 empty tables in the restaurant. The three of them were enjoying their meal until my mother’s attention was drawn to a woman at a neighboring table. She was noticeably agitated while her husband and young son were shoveling their faces full of food.
“Excuse me! Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!!” yelled the woman.
“Yes…?” questioned my mother.
“I’m trying to eat over here and he’s disgusting! He’s blowing his nose! IT’S DISGUSTING!” the woman said.
“What??” My mother was appalled.
“I’m trying to eat and he’s blowing his nose! DISGUSTING!!” She covered her mouth as if she was seconds from vomiting.
My mother responded with something completely inadequate along the lines of “Don’t worry about it, we’re leaving soon.” What makes the whole situation even more upsetting to me is that my grandparents are both hard-of-hearing (they’re in their late 80s/early 90s) and they didn’t even hear the woman.
“What did she say?” my grandmother asked. My mom repeated it to them.
“Oh…” said my grandfather, feeling embarrassed and a bit defeated. Picture a nice old man sitting at a table, quietly blowing his nose into a handkerchief. Is that scene really so horribly offensive?
When my mom told me the story, I was enraged. How dare that woman cross my grandfather? My mother should have cursed her out and then dumped the woman’s plate into her lap. If I were there, my response would have included at least three choice expletives. Then perhaps I would have spit into her face. People just don’t spit on each other enough these days.
Is public (and covered) nose blowing a disgusting offense? Or was that bitch just a bully? Tell me how you’d react!
Recently the C&Rmy was asked to take a compatibility quiz. After compiling and scrutinizing the data (aka, giving it Harry and making him figure out the percentages), the results were in. Here are your best and worst matches. Love is in the air, so if you need to, dump your significant other, fly across the country, destroy your competition and get ready to woo your true love!
Just about every week, Cocky & Rude presents you with a Friday Five. It’s a list of our five favorite things of the week, wrapped up in a concise package for you to enjoy. This week is no different. So sit back, relax, and enjoy (dramatic pause) the Friday Five.
First up this week is Chris Crocker. You may remember him from a few years ago when he urged the world to LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!! Fast forward all the way to 2011 and it seems that Chris has had a bit of a makeover. He’s now recording music, living with his boyfriend, … and will be starring in a full-length gay porno this summer! (Very NSFW preview photos can be found on Unrated Perez.) Oh, and he also has a Tumblr page, where he posts photos and answers questions like, “how do you know when someone loves you for you, and not for what you have, or what you can do for them?” Music, Porn, Dear Abby Chris … he’s a triple threat! Woo hoo! Way to go, Chris Crocker! I wonder if he still likes Britney?
Next up this week is something a little bit more G-Rated: Bicycling! I love to go on long bike rides (featuring tired muscles and a sore ass). But lately, my schedule has been so busy and my self has been so lazy that I just haven’t hopped onto the old 2-wheeler. So yesterday, for the first time this summer, I pumped up tires, tossed my bike into the Fit and drove to Washington Crossing State Park (that’s where Washington crossed the Delaware on Christmas in 1776 and changed the course of he American Revolutionary War). From there I rode my bike north along the D&R Canal Trail to just north of Lambertville, NJ. That’s a round trip of about 16 miles! Woo! Note: if you don’t see any blog posts after today, it means that I’ve died.
Third this week is the United States Postal Service! I must admit that it was going to be on my list of most hated things this week (because I am still waiting for all my birthday cards and presents from ALL of the C&R readers (Polt not included — he sent me a lovely card with cute boys on the front)) but the USPS really came through for me this week. They delivered Mush‘s prize for winning Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 in two days (yes, I just sent it THIS week, and yes, she won the contest on March 31st). I paid for the cheapest way to mail the box (because I’m poor) which claimed that it would get it to her in about 7 days … and it took 2. From New Jersey to Washington state in 2 days. I’m impressed. Oh, and speaking of the USPS, it’s also the cause of Patton Oswalt’s most recent tragedy. Enjoy:
Fourth this week are kittens! As a bunch of you already know, I volunteer every week at a cat shelter, where I clean up various disgusting fluids (like diarrhea, vomit, pee, etc.), empty litter boxes, replace food and water dishes, sweep, vacuum, bleach, scrub, squeegee, etc. Along with all my cleaning duties, I also get to spend a little time playing with cats … and kittens! The summer months always mean that we have lots of kittens … and in case you were somehow unaware, kittens are amazing. Not only are they playful and fun, they’re also soft, (usually) friendly, and most of all, they’re freak’n adorable. Check out this kitten video that Tam passed on to me:
And finally this week is the TV series, Fringe. I always try my best (unlike some bloggers) to avoid blabbing on and on about old TV shows that I’m watching. But I just finished watching three seasons of Fringe (over the course of about 3 weeks) and I wanna scream about it! How come I never watched this show? Have you seen it?! It’s great!! Granted, I love J.J. Abrams, the guy could take a dump for 2 hours, film it, call it a movie and I’d probably love it… But now I gotta wait until the fall season to see more Fringe? Inconceivable!!!
So that’s this week’s Friday Five. Do you love it? Chris Crocker, Bicycling, the USPS, kittens, and Fringe! It doesn’t get much better than that. Or does it? Tell me all about your five favorite things of the week in the comments!
Oh, and by the way, this week’s runners up are: the new cheap wok that I bought at Ikea, extra firm tofu, Trivial Pursuit questions (not the whole game), turtles, eBay, cancelling your Netflix subscription, and hardcore gay porn.
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Have You Ever … On Thanksgiving?!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your
points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!
1. Have you ever spent a Thanksgiving away from your family?
3. Have you ever attended the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City?
8. Have you ever made your mom cry on Thanksgiving?
14. Have you ever needed to find an open supermarket on Thanksgiving because you (or someone else) forgot or messed something up?
19. Have you ever vomited after eating Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving table?
2. Have you ever celebrated Thanksgiving alone?
4. Have you ever sat through the entire Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on television?
5. Have you ever watched football on Thanksgiving?
6. Have you ever come out of the closet to anyone during Thanksgiving dinner?
7. Have you ever cried on Thanksgiving?
9. Have you ever been forced (or forced others) to recite what they’re grateful for?
10. Have you ever single-handedly cooked a Thanksgiving dinner?
11. Have you ever not eaten turkey on Thanksgiving?
12. Have you ever slid jellied cranberry sauce out of a can?
13. Have you ever dropped a dish while bringing it to the table OR while passing it around the table?
15. Have you ever consumed at least two forkfuls of EVERY dish on the table?
16. Have you ever eaten an entire pie in one sitting?
17. Have you ever fallen asleep mid-Thanksgiving dinner due to a tryptophan overdose?
18. Have you ever ate so much on Thanksgiving that you felt sick?
20. Have you ever clogged the toilet after taking a massive Thanksgiving dump?
21. Have you ever gotten drunk on Thanksgiving?
22. Have you ever gotten high on Thanksgiving?
23. Have you ever given a hand or blow job underneath the Thanksgiving table?
24. Have you ever received a hand or blow job underneath the
25. Have you ever had sex (any kind) on Thanksgiving?
Well? HAVE YOU? Tell us your total in the comments.
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