Tag Archives: Doctor Who

Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Ryan Wins!

14 Comments Posted by on May 31, 2012

This is it!  The final week is complete!  Today we reveal the winner of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3, the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh!  But before we make it official and name Ryan as the winner, let’s check in with our contestants one final time and find out how they’re doing.  How do they feel about the contest?  Are they proud or disappointed?  Would they do it again?  Here’s what they had to say, in order of Rudest Loser to Biggest Cock:

MR. SOMBRERO: 8th Place, RUDEST LOSER!
It’s been quite a ride. I’m nowhere near the goal I set for myself but I did manage to lose few tiny pounds of blubber. I think I would be better at it if I didn’t have to write all these weekly updates 8-/ (was that the right emoticon for rolling eyes? Anywho, I will continue ‘participating’ even after this contest is done so maybe by the next round I’ll be more disciplined. And now, if you’ll excuse me, imma go celebrate with señor Cuervo.

POLT: 7th Place!
So this is then, the Final Week. Comparing this with my first photo, you can see I lost the weight, but kept all the skin. *SIGH* What did I think of the contest? Same as the others, although it was fun to check each week and see how everybody else was doing. Would I do it again? Sure why not? I’ve been in all three of them so far, right? Why not a fourth, if there is one? And how did I do? Well, I didn’t lose as much weight as I wanted, but then again, weight loss has always been a secondary goal. I’m on the diet to get my blood sugar under control, per the doctor. And I won’t know how successful I was at that until the middle of June when I get my blood work results. But at any rate, it was fun, congrats to everyone who did better than me (which I presume is everyone else), and I’ll see ya all again in the fourth contest (if there IS one).

ADAM: 6th Place!
I managed to lose of bit of weight during the course of BC&RL3, but overall I’m fairly disappointed with myself. I had hoped to jump start a significant weight loss and that didn’t happen … yet. Losing weight is a constant battle and I really just need to get my head in the game. Am I proud of myself? Yes! Somebody’s gotta be proud of me! ((self hug)) Would I do it again? OF COURSE! (It’s my website, I don’t have a choice!) Love to you all and congrats to Ryan!!

TWOPI: 5th Place!
I’m submitting the same photo that I started this competition with, as I feel like I’m just getting started on my diet, WWO-style. I’m pleased that I managed some modest weight loss in BC&RL3, but I need more dramatic changes to get to where I want to be.

TAM: 4th Place!
Well, overall I’m disappointed in my result. I know it’s mostly because I didn’t exercise but it did make me more conscious of what’s going into my mouth, not a bad thing and it’s nice to know I’m not the only slack ass out there who can’t stick to a diet. Yay for the lazy dieters club. I intend on keeping up the efforts and keep trying. Maybe I’ll even put more effort in. Or not. I’m not sure but I’m going to not be so oblivious as I go forward, so thanks for that C&R, it’s been fun, sort of.

MICHELLE M.: 3rd Place!
I’m sad the contest is over. Because I’m only about halfway to my goal weight – I went from being a hippo to a pig. But I’m proud of myself because I lost 7 pounds. It’s hard for me to lose weight now that I’m older, so I’ll take what I can get. Too bad I didn’t work out… But I’m going to keep on keepin’ on until I lose the rest of the weight. I don’t want to have to participate in BC&RL 4 next year!

MIKEY: 2nd Place!
Am I proud of myself? YES! I lost more weight in this round of BC&RL than I did in the previous rounds. Also, I’m eating healthier and going to continue to lose weight even now that this stupid thing is over. I will celebrate by commencing operation starvation. Will I do the contest again? YES. Especially if I can end up winning like he was formerly in cupcake form.

RYAN: 1st Place, BIGGEST COCK!!!
I am happy to have lost some more weight, but I’m a little disappointed that I wasn’t as disciplined as last time. At least I’m no longer embarrassed to take off my shirt.

And now the results:

CONGRATULATIONS RYAN!!!
YOU ARE THE BIGGEST COCK!!!
…AND You Won Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

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Let’s hear for the Five!

21 Comments Posted by on March 30, 2012

While the other lazy bloggers* on this site take a vacation this week, I had the distinct pleasure to see and write about all the awesome things that happened this week. What does that spell? FRIDAY FIVE!!!!

The first absolutely amazing thing to happen this week is release of The Hunger Games in theaters. I was eagerly anticipating its release since I read the books and I wasn’t disappointed. Sure some of the internal angst and paranoia of Katniss Everdeen were lost in translation when the filmmakers needed to externalize her thoughts, but the movie on its own is a powerhouse of entertainment and pleasure (which is really ironic since it’s about a bunch of teenagers made to kill each other). If you haven’t seen it, go right now. If you have seen it, go again. I plan to do just that.

After I recovered from Peeniss-mania, I was thrilled for the return of Mad Men. It came back with a bang and I have renewed my love for what is arguably the best television show of all time. The premiere wasn’t perfect or my favorite of in the shows cannon, but it raised a lot of really intriguing plot points that I am eagerly anticipating. Get on the bandwagon if you haven’t.

Speaking of Mad Men you might have heard that resident whackjob January Jones has been consuming her own placenta since giving birth. This is oddly night an isolated incident of self-cannibalism. It is some weird earthy trend. Ewww.

Now that you have vomited up your breakfast, I will treat you to a laugh. Have you ever wondered how all of your favorite internet porn memes would be if they got recreated by children? Well Romania has your answer. In a misguided campaign against child pornography, they have created just that. The results are amusing.

Rounding out our five is the achingly distant return of Doctor Who. The wunderkinds behind the show released a teaser trailer for the new season and it did exactly what it should have: make me go “huh?” and “OMG! I can’t wait.” So without further adieu…I give you Doctor Who.

That’s all folks. Just teenage bloodsport, Mad Men, placenta pills, crayon porn, and Doctor Who. What’s on your list? Please tell me it’s a petition to bring Adam and Michelle back. Please!

*I am fully aware of the fact that I am the laziest of the lazy involved with this blog. I just needed an attention grabbing opening line.

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Bloggy Gift Exchange 2011!

76 Comments Posted by on January 13, 2012

This year’s Bloggy Gift Exchange featured 25 bloggy friends, 24 awesome gifts, 2 countries, lots of smiles, lots of sugar, a few tears, a pack of Magnum condoms, and tons and tons more. Thanks to everyone for making this year’s gift exchange a huge success! We’re truly a classy bunch, and here’s the proof:

To: Mush
From: Nathan

…here’s my awesome nerdy gifts from bassoonist Nathan! Yay! It’s a virulent rabies plush and a sciency Doctor Who disappearing TARDIS mug! This photo image came out just the way I wanted it. YES THAT’S RABIES ON MY HEAD AND I AM GLAD TO SEE YOU. COFFEE? SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM? RAAAAAAAAAAAABIEEEEEES!

To: Polt
From: Tam

Tam had my name and she sent me a book about the quirks and histories of comic books and also a Dallas Cowboys garden gnome. Only thing that coulda made the gift better was to have it delivered by a Speedo-clad Asian Twinkie with a hairthing. This is the photo of me enjoying them both. HUGS…

To: Adam
From: Polt

Santa Polt (and his award-winning ass) sent me a box full of the world’s two best things: plaid and purple. Thanks to Polt, I can be cozy and formal with this super-warm hat and fantastic tie. I plan to wear them both as I spend many hours each night drawing pictures of Craig getting peed on or amassing enormous lists of blog post tags. Maybe this tie will help me land a great new high-paying job in the new year? I’m totally going to wear them both on my lumberjack interview next week! Fingers crossed that it pays well!

To: Mikey
From: FDot

FDot sent me this amazing life size TARDIS. Along with my dancing monkey fez, I think I make a very convincing Doctor. I also think I should use my TARDIS to go back in time and prevent myself from eating whatever it is that made me look so fat in this photo. I honestly do not care if doing so destroys the fabric of time.

To: Ty
From: VUBOQ

VUBOQ made me a beautiful mug and bowl. He also got me TWO varieties of Reese’s. I could only assume he wanted me to use it all to make a nutritious holiday breakfast.

To: Craig
From: Ty


My gift from Ty was titled Craig’s Sex-Mas Adventure! It was a three step process. First I was told that the clothes make the man, so he gave me this shirt and told me to put it on, then peel it off sexily. then he told me to spritz myself with cologne and dream of Cumming (Alan, that is), and finally I was taught that chocolate is a well known aphrodisiac and to sample these delicious chocolates to get in the mood. Once I finished the chocolates I was met with a horrific sight too reprehensible for words and I lost my hard-on immediately. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get it up again. Merry Christmas to me, I guess.

To: Mel
From: Ryan

I got a phenomenally well-packed box from Ryan consisting of two types of cookies and a Christmas mix CD. The cookies were all painstakingly wrapped to arrive intact. I was singularly impressed, even though I’d have happily eaten crumbs.

To: Tam
From: Mr. Sombrero

My bloggy gift came from the wonderful Mr. Sombrero in “Jersey”. It was full of all kind of delightful things to eat from many different places. There was cherry jam from Croatia (which I ate on my bagel Christmas morning and it was delish), French cookies, British tea, chocolate from lots of place including some kind of potato chocolate thing from Idaho. 0_0 Chocolate poker chips and chocolate from Dylans, a gingerbread cookie that looks like a NYC cab, and a lolly with my initial on it. Now that I’ve taken the picture I’m looking forward to trying them all. Thanks so much for the fun foods, none of which I’ve tried before.

To: Kristen “The Kid”
From: Talita

So Talita was my secret Santa which was wonderful because everything she gave me was perfect! Included in my “care package” was two perfectly scented candles (cranberry pear Bellini and candied sugar plum), some nail polish, peppermint foot cream from Lush, spider man head phones (which I squealed over they were wonderful), some hot chocolate, tea, soap, some lip products and a cookie! It was wonderful, I love everything so much :D

To: Jere
From: David P.

Here are photos of my gifts from David P. I would post pictures of myself enjoying the gifts like the booze and condoms (and I did enjoy them – I’ve been a naughty boy this holiday), but I’m afraid that you would use it as often as you use that picture of Polt’s ass. Sorry. The comic book magnet has a wonder woman costume malfunction joke that’s lost on me, but the chocolate covered stuff was yummy.

Note: the post-its in the photo are – alcohol: “because you like BOOZE”; chocolate: “because you like things covered in CHOCOLATE”; magnet – “because you are a comic book GEEK”; condoms – “because you have big FEET”

To: Michelle M.
From: Mikey

My gift came from Mikey. He sent two BIG bags of cookies, and a whole bunch of Hershey’s kisses. They were delicious and didn’t last long. And I should get major points for sharing with Harry. I also received these amazing Wonder Woman socks (complete with capes), perfect for fighting crime, reading in bed, attending a live action Wonder Woman movie, etc. I love(d) all my gifts – Thank you Mikey!!

To: John
From: Craig

I received my gifts from none other than Mr. Puntabulous himself: Craig! Here you can see the Christmas bunnies looking at the gifts Craig sent (and eyeing the Alfa-carrots). Craig sent me a card of bunnies avoiding the ark; which is part of a series on bunny deaths; it totally made me laugh! He sent me a cd of new Craig Christmas music. And piece de résistance: a dancing monkey t-shirt and pants.

I believe that this is Craig’s way of marking me as king of the dancing monkeys. Do not fear, I will be a benevolent ruler…All shall love me and DISPAIR!!!

Thanks Craig! I love my gifts! The carrots were tasty, the music fun and the pjs comfortable.

To: Ryan
From: Mush

I got this awesome package from Mush. It included two CDs (buddha-bar VIII by Sam Popat and Live in Las Vegas by Santa Fe and The Fat City Horns), Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, and the Animatrix DVD. I haven’t had much of a chance to listen to the CDs because I’ve been inundated with new music and been busy with non-music listening activities, but what I’ve heard so far has me excited. It’s outside my usual genres, which is the hardest to find good new music. I’m also looking forward to reading the book. I really enjoyed Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale and was intending to explore her other work. I’m also looking forward to watching the collection of shorts exploring the time before the Matrix movies.

To: TwoPi
From: Jere

My Bloggy Gift giver was Jere. He gave me an Elvis beanie baby (from the Elvis Museum in Las Vegas!), and set me up with the ultimate in New Year’s Eve eye-wear for Times Square, or the local equivalent, a gathering of friends assessing Dick Clark’s ability to count backwards. Cajun chefs have their holy trinity of bell peppers, onions, and celery — for TwoPi, the holy trinity is Elvis, Vegas, and Purple — and no day can match their over-the-top glories better than New Year’s Eve! Fantastic!

To: Heather (Xi)
From: Justin

I got the most fabulous present from Justin: a replica of one of the original Education Monkey multiplication tools, invented in 1916 and named after Consul the performing monkey. You move the feet so that they point to two numbers at the bottom, and then the hands [yes, hands -- stop giggling] point to the product. I’ve never heard of this before, or seen anything like it, which makes it especially exciting. Thank you thank you thank you!

To: Chris D.
From: Michelle M.


Michelle M. gave me an amazing assortment of gifts! She gave me a candy cane, Charlie Brown Christmas CD, Peppermint Bark, a vintage Christmas postcard (from 1911, it is like a perfect little time capsule from a bygone era!), a Marcel the Shell with Shoes on book (I LOVE IT!), AND…… a Marcel the Shell with Shoes on figure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This made me smile a whole lot! Michelle M. is an amazing gift giver! :)

To: Nathan
From: Chris D.

For my present I received, not one, but two beginner Japanese books! This was an amazing present for me because I’m hoping to actually go to Japan next year. Thanks so much to Chris for my fantastic gift. He even made me a little homemade ornament for the Christmas tree at home! An excellent gift.

To: Mr. Sombrero
From: Kristen “The Kid”

My gift from Santa “The Kid” Kristen was amaaaahzing and layered to satisfy all the senses!  Not only did it include the best thing the Western civilization came up with – a box of Holiday edition Smarties (the Canadian ones, not the US kind; think M&M’s in a harder shell) – but also, and this is the even more awesome, a donation of a mango tree for school kids in Rwanda. Now that’s a global gift that keeps on giving. And to signify the donation, my gift also included a box of dried mangoes, yummmmmm… So Kristen, all I gotta say is… Urakooooze (that’s thank you in Rwandan.

Tam and Kristen also included a tin of delicious homemade vegan gingerbread cookies for me to share with Adam!  Here are a few of our favorites:

To: VUBOQ
From: Adam


Photo One. This is me enjoying one of my many gifts from Adam – a book! Hot Guys and Baby Animals. Hot! Cute! Fun!

Photo Two. This is me …um… enjoying another gift from Adam – vegan beef jerky (tequila lime flavor). Delicious! (OK. Not really delicious. In fact, it was kind of gross).

Unfortunately, I don’t have a photo of me getting the taste of tequila lime vegan beef jerky out of my mouth with some truly yummerz dark chocolate! MMmmmm. Chocolate. I also don’t have photos of me taking a fun Unicorn Lavender Lotus Bubble Bath. Nor gleefully stamping “Who Cares” on all the crap my co-workers produce at work. But, those were other gifts from Adam that I totes *heart*.

To: David P.
From: Miley Cyrus & Enrico

I was the lucky recipient of a package hand-delivered by the amazingly talented Miley Cyrus, although what she was doing in Crown Heights is anyone’s guess. Oddly enough, inside the package were an assortment of gifts by the equally, if not more, amazing and talented but non-poll-dancing Enrico! As you can see, I was provided with two boxes of high-end macaroni and cheese mixes that I will be getting fat from shortly. Also among the loot were three Pulitzer prize-winning books (I’ve read one of them, but giving me something I can re-gift is a gift in and of itself) and I will definitely enjoy reading the other two over the next few months. And lastly, the pièce de résistance is the pack of nude male playing cards that will add a certain something special to my future games of solitaire. If you zoom into the photo, you can also make out the clever notes that were included with each present. Thank you so much, Miley! Oh, and you too, Enrico!

To: Enrico
From: John

My secret Santa got me two amazing presents! Knowing I’m a huge Miyazaki lover, he got me this Totoro thingy that I’m hanging on my wall as soon as I get a hammer. I’ve been meaning to read John Updike’s Rabbit, Run for years now, and now I can, since he also got me the novel and its first sequel, Rabbit Redux. I LOVE BOOKS AND TOTORO. Thanks John! After Michelle, you’re the best!!

To: Talita
From: Mel

I received amazing blueberry Jam, that was so delicious. A soy pine candle that smelled so good, I love soy candles they burn longer then regular candles. This candle added just the right amount of holidays to my house without being over whelming. My gift came packaged in awesome Christmas Tin!! Thanks for the great gifts Mel!!

To: FDot
From: Heather

I arrived home from my trip to Colorado to find a whole package of goodies awaiting me from Heather. Herein pictured are the goodies. 1 Post Office Priority Mail Box, no doubt chosen to hold everything else. 1 piece of Milk Chocolate, already eaten. 1 book of “Where Are They Buried?”, already perused and used to capture pictures for the next round of ‘Guess that Grave!”. 1 Electronic Rubik’s Cube Puzzle, opened and attempted. 1 packet of Punch Balloons, of which one has been inflated and punched repeatedly to relieve frustration from failing at the Rubik’s Cube puzzle. An extremely successful box of Christmas gifts, covering all I hoped for and making me very happy, as evidenced by the large smile I have on my face.

To: Justin
From: M Nico

If I’m looking a bit pouty it’s because Bloggy Santa left me empty handed this year. Don’t worry unduly I’m in intensive therapy for the *sniff* trauma *sob* No really I’ll be *chokes up* fine :(

To: M Nico
From:TwoPi

M Nico has refused all attempts at communication and presumably did not send a gift to Justin.  Many thanks to TwoPi for generously sending a gift to M Nico!! M Nico, we hope that you’re okay!!!


Once again, thanks to everyone for your participation in the 2011 Bloggy Gift Exchange!

Can’t get enough of our gift exchanging? Jump over to Josh Is Trashy to see our exchanges from 2010 and 2009.

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High Five

6 Comments Posted by on July 29, 2011

It is finally Friday. I don’t know if it was the oppressive heat, the insanity at work, or the return from my mini-vacation, but this has been the longest week on record. It must have lasted at least twenty days. Thankfully this long, boring work week has been filled with amazing videos for me to discover online. Yes, all five of this week’s top five things are videos. Why? Cuz…I like videos and cuz I didn’t find anything else to be really jaunty about.

Have you ever wondered what happens when wholesome European’s interact with the US supermarket shopping phenomenon known as Walmart? I had not before this week. That was until I stumbled upon this video of two Brits enjoying their first excursion to the land Sam.

MTV has been a trendsetter for over 30 years now. Everyone dressed like Madonna in the 80s because of MTV and now everyone laughs at New Jersey because of MTV. Well that last bit sorta started before MTV. Any who, back in 1995, MTV was on top of the latest trend called the internet. They have crazy popular celebrities like Sandra Bullock and some musicians no one remembers talking about how awesome and attractive the web is. They even have Newt Gingrich talking about porn. What more could you want?

One of my all time youtube obsessions is back. Remember the faux Chloe Sevigny who makes being Chloe so glamorous but accessible to use lowly people? She’s back and this time she’s talking grilled meat.

I insanely miss Doctor Who. Just as we were settling into a most amazing and incredible season they lopped it in half and made us wait FOREVER for more. I am grateful for any and all Who that crosses my path. When I saw the teaser for the seasons return, I was jumping for joy. Literally.

And finally this week, we have a video that might possibly be my favorite net phenom of all time. I have watched this video of an English Bulldog named Gus trying to have it all no fewer than twice a day since I discovered it. It is adorable, entertaining and hilarious. I hope you enjoy it over and over.

So that’s all the videos I can force you to watch this week: Brits at Walmart, MTV on the Net, Chloe does Barbecue, Doctor Who teases a return, and Gus the super adorable dog! What made your list?

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Back to the Five

5 Comments Posted by on May 27, 2011

I’m back and that means it is time for the Friday Five. During my brief respite from Cocky & Rude, I learned a lot of things about myself. One of which is that I missed blogging. Another thing I learned is that I need to blog less….so that leaves us with today’s post, which is going to be an awesome recap of five awesome recappable things that happened this week.

The very first item to celebrate this week is this super awesome dog who survived a tornado, ended up with two broken legs, and CRAWLED home to find his owners. When I first heard this story, I sort of hoped the owners were not able to take the dog so I could adopt it, but I’m happy for the whole family.

Speaking of surviving, how awesome is it that we all made it through the rapture? I was getting a little worried on that fateful day as the skies turned dark and tumultuous, but then it turned out that we weren’t going to be joining Jesus in the afterlife. That might have something to do with the fact that there is no afterlife.

Despite being a homo, I think the non-existent God is happy to have me on the earth. Some straight guys don’t want me here though. Some are even so scared of being perceived as gay that they say “no homo” whenever they say anything that could possibly be gay. Some guys decided to explore this concept in their video simply titled: No Homo. It has some NSFW words, but the images are pretty tame.

Now that we have gotten the gay out of the way, we should talk about babies. If you didn’t realize, I have a new niece. Her name is Kennedy (no relation to the MTV VJ) and she is adorable. I always forget how small babies are when they are born, but I always remember that MY nieces are the cutest.

Great…the babies are out of the way. Now we can get back to the gays. The gays are known for doing some really awesome things. Amongst them is the butt sex. That is why Sherry Vine did this parody of Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” called “Coz My Hole’s so Deep.” I like to think it is inspired by Adam. It is also NSFW in sound not image.

So there is the recap of the super recappable: super dog, surviving the rapture, no homo, new niece, and “Coz My Hole’s so Deep.” As always we had some runners-up this week: Amy Poehler’s Harvard Speech, Doctor Who being awesome, Ty being on Jeopardy! next week, and hardcore gay porn.

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Happy Birthday, Mikey!

32 Comments Posted by on May 11, 2011

There are many Mikeys in the world.  There’s Mikey Jordan, Mikey Bolton, Mikey Jackson, Mikey J. Fox, and Mikey Douglas, among others.  But no Mikey is more special to us than our Mikey.  And on this day that we celebrate the birth of Mikey, I wanted to do something a little special.  So today we’re going to take a quick peek into the life of Mikey … and what he does when he’s not busy blogging at C&R.

Every day, Mikey goes to work.  While there, he gets angry, thinks about stars, question marks, swirls, Justins and exclamation points.  And then he nearly poops himself.

Whenever they have free time, Mikey and his boyfriend Ty go to the beach.  They love to run while carrying their matching blue surf boards.  Check out Mikey’s lovely bresticles!  And what a figure!  Hotcheewowow!


Mikey is also obsessed with everything British.  Totally trumping his obsession with Doctor Who was the recent royal wedding.  Unfortunately, the Queen has banned him for life from Buckingham Palace after he photobombed this royal portrait.

One of Mikey’s favorite pastimes?  Licking pussies.  Especially ginger ones!


Speaking of gingers … Mikey is so jealous of those of us with fiery locks that he spends a lot of his alone time with an orange Sharpie marker, “fixing” photos of himself.

Something else he does when he’s all alone … Mikey enjoys surfing the internet for “video entertainment!”  I wonder if that one will make it onto the Friday Five?

Mikey also loves fun, fun, fun, fun and look’n forward to the weekend with his
buddies Rebecca Black and Braces Girl!

And Mikey loooooooooooves Justin.  So like every devoted fan, Mikey attends every single Justin Bieber concert in the northern hemisphere.

But when he’s not get’n down with Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber,
Mikey also fancies himself quite the performer!

He’s even had a few guest roles on Glee!

But Mikey’s star is rising.  We’re pleased to announce Mikey’s latest role…
he’s starring in a brand new motion picture!

Check out the Cocky & Rude World Exclusive trailer for Unnecessary Force:

It’s truly an honor to be in the presence of such a great talent.  We only hope that as his star rises, he remembers where he came from.  It’s also an honor to wish my friend a happy birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKEY!!

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It’s The Friday Five!

17 Comments Posted by on May 6, 2011

Welcome to the Friday Five, where I examine my five favorites of the week!

It’s been a long time since I’ve presented you with my five favorites of the week.  When Mikey grabbed the Friday Five reigns a while back, I just sorta abandoned the idea and let him roll with it.  But I know that you’ve all been waiting for this day.  You’ve woken up early each Friday, wondering whether or not you’d ever see one of Adam’s Friday Fives again.  Each week, utter disappointment happiness? when you find another of Mikey’s Friday Fives greeting your sight holes with a mix of humor and web videos.  Well, ladies and germs … THE WAIT IS OVER.  I’M TAKING THIS MOTHERFU¢K’N B!TCH BACK TO WHERE IT BELONGS.  HERE IS ADAM’S FRIDAY FIVE!!!!!*

First up this week is Conan O’Brien.  I’ve been a fan of Conan since his days nights on Late Night, I followed him to The Tonight Show, and now I watch him every night on his self-titled TBS show.  Together with his sidekick, Andy Richter, Conan never fails to crack me up and put me to bed in a good mood.  This week featured Beardpocalypse, where after weeks of threats, Will Ferrel shaved off Conan’s awesome ginger beard.  It left him looking oddly thin and about 30 years younger, but just as funny.

Another beardless favorite this week is Barack Obama.  And no, it’s not because of him.  It’s because of what he said about this guy.  If you haven’t seen the portion of President Obama’s 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner speech, then you have to check it out.  I laughed a lot … but I don’t think that Donald Trump shared in my amusement.  Enjoy!

My cat, Spring has always been a little “special” … but this week she’s been acting downright INSANE.  I’m not sure if it’s the open windows in my house or the fact that I’ve turned off the heat, but she’s been acting wayyyy weirder than normal.  She goes from super-affectionate (not normally her style), to ballistic attack (more her style), to running around the house like a maniac, viciously chasing her tail, and then standing in the kitchen and meowing at the ceiling.  I’m thoroughly enjoying the entertainment … but jeez girl, chill the frick out!

My favorite new show right now is Happy Endings, and you should be watching it!  It’s a sitcom on ABC (sorry Polt, I’m not referring to a porno or that thing you pay an extra few bucks for at the end of a massage), and stars Elisha Cuthbert (24), Damon Wayans Jr. (his dad is Damon Wayans), Zachary Knighton (FlashFoward), Eliza Coupe (Scrubs), Casey Wilson (Saturday Night Live), and Adam Pally (his IMBD resumé is kinda unimpressive).  Happy Endings is kinda like Seinfeld, meets Friends, meets 2011, meets awesome writing and hilarious comedy.  Plus Adam Pally’s character, Max, is so non-stereotypically gay that it adds a level of refreshing realism that a lot of shows with gay characters are missing.  So next time you’re watching Modern Family and Cougar Town, leave the television on for a bit longer and check out Happy Endings!  I promise it’s great!

And in the final spotlight of this week’s Friday Five are … mangoes.  Why?  Because they were on sale this week at my local grocery store, and they’re FREAK’N DELICIOUS.  I’ve watched all sorts of YouTube videos that teach me how to cut mangoes — but every time I eat one, I just give up.  I tear into it, peeling of skin, and biting at it like a ferocious animal.  When I’m finished, there’s a pile of skin and giant pit sitting in a puddle of mango juice.  My hands are wet and sticky, my mouth is dripping with sweet juice (calm down Polt), and I have all sorts of mango fibers stuck in my teeth.  MMMMM MANGOES!

This Week’s Runners Up: Long walks in the park, turning off my heat and dramatically reducing my electric bill, the fantastic return of Doctor Who, Indian guys and their tiny penises, The fact that Craig’s comment links have disappeared, some cool new character-centered X-Men trailers, Kate Middleton’s naked brother, this website, raising the roof, and hardcore gay pornography.

So that’s my Friday Five for this week: Conan O’Brien, Barack Obama, My Insane Cat, Happy Endings, and Mangoes.  What’s your Friday Five?

*Note: Mikey is welcome to take back the Friday Five next week.  That whole opening paragraph was basically bullshit.  Actually, this whole post was basically bullshit.  We know that the only C&R posts you truly enjoy are Have You Ever?! quizzes and C&R Fight Club matches.  The rest is just in-between filler.

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