National Men’s Health Week has just drawn to a close. This makes me wonder: How healthy is the C&Rmy? Are we ready to rise up against our greatest enemy and defeat him? Let’s find out how healthy of a man you are.
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!
1. Have you ever had to get a physical for a school sport? 2. Have you ever gotten a physical because you’re getting old? 3. Have you ever had high cholesterol? 4. Have you ever had a kidney stone? 5. Have you ever had a heart attack? 6. Have you ever had arthritis? 7. Have you ever predicted bad weather coming because of pain in your joints? 8. Have you ever been told by a doctor that it’s time to start losing weight? 9. Have you ever been asked by your doctor if you’re sexually active? 10. Have you ever had to pee in a cup? 11. Have you ever had to provide a stool sample? 12. Have you ever been handed someone else’s pee in a cup? 13. Have you ever had to handle someone else’s stool sample? 14. Have you ever turned your head an coughed while a doctor yanked on yer balls? 15. Have you ever seen a urologist? 16. Have you ever checked your own balls for lumps? 17. Have you ever checked someone else’s balls for lumps? 18. Have you ever had a urinary tract infection? 19. Have you ever had a prostate exam? 20. Have you ever thrown your back out during sexual relations? 21. Have you ever not been able to get it up during sexual relations? 22. Have you ever been with someone who was not able to get it up during sexual relations? 23. Have you ever taken a prescription for your erectile dysfunction? 24. Have you ever taken an erectile dysfunction pill just for the hell of it? 25. Have you ever been raped by a giant erectile dysfunction pill wearing a cape?
Now turn your head, cough, and tell us your total in the comments.
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote. Today’s contestants are: Ryan, Chris D. & Adam!
On July 28th, Ryan With A Cupcake (a.k.a. Ryan Sans Cupcake, look at those abs!) faced off against his mortal enemy: The Muffin Man. In the battle of cupcake vs. muffin, Ryan managed to defeat his opponent with a staggering 99% of the popular vote.
Adam and Chris are going down. I’ve already crushed Adam in the Biggest Cock and Rudest Loser contest by losing more than twice as much weight as he did. As soon as the bell rings, he will piss his pants and then be too distracted trying to figure out what the puddle looks like to defend himself. Meanwhile, Chris is just too nice to win. He only won last time because Mr. Rogers out-niced his ass. Of course, the real reason to vote for me is to get me to show of the clothes I bought last weekend. -Ryan
The following week, the eternally nice Chris D. went up against the deceased nice, Mister Rogers. But everyone’s favorite cardigan sweater-wearing nice guy was no match for Chris D.’s power of … life. Chris D. defeated Mister Rogers with an impressive 88% of the popular vote.
I am going to beat Adam because if Adam wins, he will be dogged by rumors that this whole thing was rigged for decades. Would you seriously want to do that to poor sweet Adam? Vote for me, for Adam’s sake! Ryan could be a bit of a challenge. He is more popular than me, he is probably cooler than me, and lately he’s looking quite fit… BUT I’m the underdog! And if there is one thing that we believe in, it is the ability of the quirky underdog to triumph over insurmountable odds! So vote for me, because I am less popular, and less cool than Ryan! -Chris D.
Our final C&R Fight Club Round One match pitted Adam against the overweight, immature, spoiled, outspoken, lazy, foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, racist, sexist, anti-semitic, sociopathic, and narcissistic Eric Cartman. In the end, all of those adjectives were no match for Adam, who defeated Eric Cartman with 84% of the popular vote. -Adam
Seriously? This is my blog. Do you think that Chris D. and Ryan can beat me? Those two are nothing compared to me! Do you hear me? NOTHING! My time is better spent illustrating tweets, photographing piss puddles and coming up with creative ways to use the photo of Polt’s ass in new and exciting ways. Now vote me for. NOW!
Who will win in the battle of Ryan vs. Chris D. vs. Adam? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M., Ryan & Chris D. for your assistance with this post!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Each week of Round Two, we’ll drop three Round One winners into the ring and see who remains standing after a 24-hour Cocky & Rude Fight Club vote. Today’s contestants are: Paul, VUBOQ & FDot.
Wow, this match up reminds me of the fight scene in Star Trek: Generations. Three old guys, beating the crap out of each other in the rocky desert. Since I am obviously the Malcolm McDowell in this battle, I will concede to my two opponents. Now everyone had to decide who the “Kirk” is. -Paul
Can one man defeat Donnie Wahlberg, Danny Wood, Joey McIntyre, Jordan Knight, Jonathan Knight, Brian Littrell, Nick Carter, A. J. McLean, & Howie Dorough? Of course he can! In his C&R Fight Club bout, VUBOQ faced off against NKOTBSB (the New Kids on the Block / Backstreet Boys super group). VUBOQ destroyed the nine boy-banders with 88% of the popular vote.
I’m really bad at trash talk. So, um, I guess I’ll win because Paul and FDot seem really nice and I’m not really nice. So there. Take that. -VUBOQ
Ok. Let’s see….. My competition is a guy who grew facial hair in an homage to Star Trek and a guy who consumes so much homemade hooch he addresses his blog posts to juvenile cats. Is there any need to trash talk? I just have to sit back and wait. Paul’s good counterpart will beam him back to the Terran Empire while VUBOQ’s operation will shortly be shut down by a joint task-force involving Uncle Jesse and Boss Hogg. As for myself, in case anyone has forgotten what my homemade chocolate chip cookies taste like, a win in Fight Club will surely allow me to refresh some people’s memories. That, and I’m awesome. -FDot
Who will win in the battle of Paul vs. VUBOQ vs. FDot? There’s only one rational way to decide who will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Michelle M., Paul & VUBOQ for your assistance with this post!
It’s been a long first round of Cocky & Rude Fight Club, but it has drawn to a close with last Thursday’s bout. Thursday saw the overweight, immature, spoiled, outspoken, lazy, foul-mouthed, mean-spirited, racist, sexist, anti-semitic, sociopathic, and narcissistic Eric Cartman face off against the cocky, rude, adorable and loveable … ME! Did you really think that I’d lose? The C&R readers love me! Even when I call your genitals gross, I can do no wrong. I cast exactly ZERO votes in this poll, yest still managed to earn 183 votes (84% of the vote). Eric Cartman was easily defeated; earning just 35 votes (18% of the vote). I attribute this win to your deep love of all things ‘Adam’. And maybe the fact that Eric Cartman is a cartoon. Nah … I only won because you love me.
If given the option, would you eat a delicious, sugary, icing-covered cupcake? Or would you eat a muffin — a dense, cakey, baked good, stuffed with fruit and pretending to be healthy … oh, and there’s no icing. The choice is very simple: anyone in their right mind would choose the cupcake. Another simple choice was who would win in the Cocky & Rude Fight Club battle of Muffin Man versus Ryan With A Cupcake. Without even trying, Ryan destroyed the Muffin Man, leaving only a single muffin crumb behind. The cupcake-love’n Californian scored 99% of the popular vote (75 votes), leaving the loser from Drury Lane with a measly 1% (1 vote). We at C&R believe that Ryan’s delicious icing was just too good to pass up.
In an unexpected and startling upset, Mikey defeated former undisputed heavyweight champion of the world, Mike Tyson, in last Thursday’s Cocky & Rude Fight Club bout. Most assumed that such an experienced boxer would defeat Mikey … but that was far from the case. Mikey rocketed to the win with a staggering 90% of the popular vote, made up of an amazing 312 votes (far more votes than any other C&R Fight Club battle thus far). The convicted rapist and pidgeon breeder, Mike Tyson earned only 36 votes, or 10% of the popular vote. Don’t forget that all fights are determined by a poll that does not block repeat votes … so we at C&R are guessing that someonereally wanted Mikey to win.
In a surprisingly close battle, Kristen “The Kid” has won the battle of Thursday vs. Friday. That’s right — with a lead of only 18%, everyone’s favorite air to the Tam’s Reads throne has won our fifth Cocky & Rude Fight Club Battle. Atop Sprinkles the pony, Kristen who earned 59% with 79 votes, managed to defeat Rebecca Black who only earned 41% with 55 votes. It looks like Rebecca won’t be the one that’s “Party’n party’n yeah! Party’n party’n yeah! Fun, fun, fun, fun…” this weekend. We at Cocky & Rude believe that Rebecca’s loss in this battle can be attributed to her car seat indecision and overrated ‘mole that shoots lasers’ abilities. Congratulations, Kristen!
National Men’s Health Week has just drawn to a close. This makes me wonder: How healthy is the C&Rmy? Are we ready to rise up against 
Have You Ever?!
7. Have you ever predicted bad weather coming because of pain in your joints?
15. Have you ever seen a urologist?
23. Have you ever taken a prescription for your 
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club: ROUND TWO! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll re-introduce our fighters. We’ll give them each a chance to speak their mind. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
If given the option, would you eat a delicious, sugary, icing-covered cupcake? Or would you eat a muffin — a dense, cakey, baked good, stuffed with fruit and pretending to be healthy … oh, and there’s no icing. The choice is very simple: anyone in their right mind would choose the cupcake. Another simple choice was who would win in the 
In a surprisingly close battle, Kristen “The Kid” has won the battle of 
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