Recently the C&Rmy was asked to take a compatibility quiz. After compiling and scrutinizing the data (aka, giving it Harry and making him figure out the percentages), the results were in. Here are your best and worst matches. Love is in the air, so if you need to, dump your significant other, fly across the country, destroy your competition and get ready to woo your true love!
Now that 2011 is drawing to a close, it’s time to make resolutions for 2012! Now, I could make my usual resolutions – lose weight, exercise, finish that novel, go back to school… but why bother. Word is it’s the end of days! So I’m going to live large and make this year count. Here are my 2012 resolutions:
January – I’m going to Disney World!
February – I’m going to eat VATS of mashed potatoes and gravy.
March – I resolve to stay in bed, read books, watch DVDs and eat tons of junk food.
April – I’ve always wanted to drive across country, and this is the year I’m going to do it.
I’ll make sure to see all my bloggy friends in between trips to see the largest ball of twine,
carhenge and big holes in the ground.
May – I’m going to hang out in the sewers with Britney and keep on dancing til the world ends.
June – On second thought, who wants to hang out in a stinky sewer? Ever since watching
The Love Boat, I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise. I plan to eat, drink, read,
lay out at the pool, and eat and drink some more.
July – I resolve to island hop, enjoy tropical drinks and work on my skin cancer.
August – La Tomatina! Buñol, Spain has a huge tomato fight every year. I am totally there.
September – I’m going to hang out in Santorini, Greece. Soaking up the sun and eating.
But now that I think about it, I have no idea how the world is going to end. Maybe it won’t
be complete devastation from a pandemic, solar flares, a black hole or asteroid collision.
Maybe it will be a robot uprising, the rapture, or even worse – Zombies!
Maybe I better rethink my resolutions in case I’m stuck on this miserable,
god forsaken, zombie-ridden planet.
October – I better get in fighting shape, so I resolve to lose weight and exercise. sigh.
November – Since I’ll be stockpiling weapons, I better learn how to use them.
December – Several trips to Costco will be in order so I can fill up my hidden
bunker by the lake in the mountains. Bring it on zombies.
So there you have it. My 2012 resolutions. What are your resolutions?
Are you ready for the zombie apocalypse? Let me know in the comments!
For more adventures of Super Viagra & Vagina Girl, go to Puntabulous.com
As much as I dread it EVERY year, it always seems to happen sooner or later. Last night was country night. Or rather, the night we crack open the Shania Twain songbook. Blechk. Let’s get this [what I'm assuming will be] awful hour over with…
Thank goodness that my husband was here to smack that country-hating grimace right off my face. Lee DeWyze was up first with You’re Still The One. Seriously there’s nothing that this boy can sing that doesn’t make me love him more. He did wonderful things to this song and it turned out amazing. *swoon*
Next I watched Big Fat Mike’s performance twice this week to see if I missed something. He sang It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing, and it was AWFUL. For some reason, the judges all kissed his ass and told him that it was amazing … but they were all wrong! Trust me, I went back and checked! It was terrible! Yuck!
Side note: Is anyone buying that Big Mike is huge muscular dude? The guy may be a personal trainer, but he’s fat. Now I’m not saying that I’m in amazing shape, but I’m not a PERSONAL TRAINER. If I had any motivation to exercise, I would not pick a guy that looks like that to help me work out. Sorry, but no. Okay, back to the hating show.
Casey James’ round, fuzzy head was up next, singing Don’t. Perched atop that weird little stage behind the judges, he sounded quite good. With the band toned down, the lights down and a guitar in hand, he really improved over last week. He’s working hard, and I commend him.
No One Needs To Know Crystal Bowersox’s performance wasn’t that great. I’m sure that the country love’n, down-home folks probably ate it up, but it was just too darn twangy for me. While I love Crystal, this just wasn’t my cup of tea. Simon: “Okay, shocker, we don’t like Crystal this week. That’s really the story.” But no worries, I’m sure she’ll make it through this hiccup and squawk amazingly next week. Oh wait, I’m getting an IM from Mikey!
Mikey: I may be a pedophile
Adam: What did you do??
Mikey: I enjoyed Aaron’s performance
Adam: Ew! Pedophile!
Mikey: And I Uh … kinda like … ummm … thought he could be cute … at some point.
And while I’m kind of ashamed that my co-blogger is a super-creepy perv-o, I agree that Aaron was pretty good tonight with You’ve Got A Way. As you probably aren’t aware (oh wait, I’ve mentioned it more times than Ellen made her “Twain” sounds like “train” joke), I HATE country music … but Aaron was on his game. This kind of music is what he excels at. It’s what he should do when he gets voted off the show next week. Become a country music star so I never have to listen to you again!
Last up was Siobhan Mania (as Josh likes to call her) with a screamy, hand clap’n, country hoe-down. Decked out in an ugly wallpaper dress with a black leather bra on the outside, Siobhan struggled through Any Man of Mine. The judges loved it (just like they seem to love almost EVERYTHING this season) but for me it was just awful, awful, awful, awful. I pity any man of hers that has to put up with that giant mouth. Although, if you’re into that sorta thing, she could probably do a lot with a mouth of that size…
Overall, the “Twain” just missed the station for me tonight. Ha! I can recycle Ellen’s joke too! *sigh* For me, the top three this week were Lee, Casey and Aaron. Who will go home? I think it’s the week we’ll say goodbye (for the second time) to Big Mike. What do you think?!
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Stuff I daydream about.
Life is harsh. Sometimes the best thing to do is slip into a nice daydream. Here’s just some of the stuff I like to imagine while I’m stargazing, woolgathering or just plain avoiding reality.
My most frequent daydream is of winning the mega millions lottery.
But The Publisher’s Clearing House prize would do just fine. I’m not picky.
After I win my millions, Harry and I will travel. Some of the places I fantasize about going to are Fiji (or any tropical island, really), Santorini, Austria, Australia, The U.K., Copenhagen and Belgium (I hear they make a good french fry…).
I like to pretend that I’m a ballerina. And not just a ballerina, but a prima ballerina assoluta.
I also like to daydream that I’m a singer/songwriter with a multi-octave range.
Here I am performing at one of my sold out concerts.
One of my favorite sports is figure skating. I like to imagine what music I would skate to, what costumes I would wear and what it would feel like to win an Olympic gold medal (in my head I have also won the gold in equestrian events, diving, skiing and gymnastics).
Have you heard? I’m (supposed to be) writing a novel. Of course, I like to think it will be a #1 best selling book. It will, of course, be optioned for a movie. And I’ll have so much fun traveling around the country staying in 5 star hotels and doing book signings. Make sure you come out to see me when I come to a bookstore near you!
Naturally I’ll win a best screenplay Oscar when I adapt my book for film. I’ll receive a standing ovation for my humble and humorous, yet touching acceptance speech.
Once I win the Oscar, maybe they’ll give me a whack at writing that Wonder Woman movie I’ve been waiting for…
All my daydreams aren’t frivolous, though. Sometimes I pretend that I’ve come up with the cure for cancer, paralysis or any other number of illnesses/diseases. The Nobel prize, Time cover for Person of the Year, money and accolades will all be secondary to the knowledge that I am helping the human race.
Some of my daydreams are actually attainable. I often wish that my house was sparkling clean, my laundry and ironing is all done, the cupboards and refrigerator are filled with food, and I’m at my goal weight. Then I can completely relax while watching movies and reading a stack of books guilt-free.
So what do you like to daydream about? Flying to the moon? Scoring the game winning touchdown? Being the homecoming queen? Stealing Mr. Sombrero away from Adam? Let me know in comments!
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