Welcome to the 9th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40! This week’s theme is “THE LITTLE THINGS YOU HATE” – Everyone is annoyed by something. What’s one of the ‘little things’ that bother our contestants? Maybe it’s the blobby fat hanging over their waist bands or the way that diet food always tastes awful. Let’s find out what bothers them!
The little things. Little tiny portions. Seriously, look on the package of some of your fave snack foods. 120 calories… for 8 chips. WTF? No one in their right mind eats 8 chips or 1 cookie. Get a grip manufacturers.
Annoyances? I’m annoyed that my weight seems stuck, just fluctuating between two numbers for week after week. And I’m annoyed that I keep forgetting that there’s a blurb due on Wednesdays, so I’m always dealing with these at the 11th hour.
Ya know what bugs me? The fact that junk food is delicious and yet it makes me feel bad about myself! I need liposuction and/or Lap-Band surgery. Too bad I spent my last $5 on this stupid contest.
I hate that I have to wear jeans and long sleeved shirts when it’s 90 degrees because I can’t fit into my shorts and tshirts. So maybe I better get going on this weight loss thing. Summer is just around the corner (especially in San Diego).
Little things that drive me crazy??? Numbers! All I do now for my diet is think about numbers: calories, grams, and amount of time moving. The only numbers that are not small that are driving me crazy are my weight and my pant size. THE HUNGER IS TO BIG TO BE A LITTLE ANNOYING THING.
I hate my job! Was that the question? I’m sick of people and I don’t even have time to diet these days. Somebody pay me to nap and be happy!!
The little thing I hate the most is my own laziness! There is so much that I could accomplish if I were less lazy (the least of which is getting more done for this competition).
This week it’s the little things we hate about the contest. Hmm, I don’t think any of them are little. I HATE being fat in the first place. I hate having to diet. I hate having to exercise when I feel like blobbing on the couch. I hate that the food I’m suppose to eat, I don’t like, and the food I LOVE is bad for me. I hate not looking like a male fashion model. I hate Congressional Republicans and their policies. Wait….I digress….
What I hate most, I think, is the guilt. When I go to bed at night and I realize I haven’t walked, even though I had the time. Or when I order a regular Pepsi at a restaurant instead of just water. Or when I eat a whole freaking (small-sized) pizza instead of a salad. I hate the guilt the comes with it. But I’m used to guilt…I kill it by eating a Cadbury caramel egg!
Welcome to the 8th week of Biggest C&R Loser 2013! This year we’ll be keeping all of the results and placings secret until the end of the contest. We’ll also be pooling our cash to award the 2013 winner the largest prize we’ve ever awarded … a whopping $40! This week’s theme is “TEMPTATION” – Everyone is tempted by something (food, laziness, sleep) when they should be eating healthy and exercising. What tempts the contestants? Let’s find out!
So this week, it’s Temptation. My biggest temptation is: Gay Porn. ‘Well DUH!’ I can hear you all saying now, but I mean as it relates to this contest. See, if I give in to the temptation of the uncounted amount of gay porn on the Internet, then I spend time watching that and NOT out walking. And after watching gay porn, I’m generally in need of replenishing my…energies. So I eat. And usually it’s snacky-stuff, that’s not healthy for me. So if I could resist the gay porn, I could be exercising more and eating better. …..but yeah, we ALL know that ain’t gonna happen.
My temptations are books, I’m either reading one (Don’t ya love my snazzy red e-reader?) or writing one and Chapman’s oatmeal cookies and chocolate ice-cream sandwiches. But they were on sale. How could I not buy them? I’m just a lazy ass all around. I should be up doing something useful and energetic, but I’d rather surf the net and do reading-type stuff. Which would explain why there is no way in hell I am winning the $40.
I’ve mostly been eating what I want. I’ve gotten over my cravings for sweets (fairly easy) and for salty snack foods (harder). But what I’m so so SO tempted by is caffeinated coffee. My physician took me off caffeine last summer, and I’ve been successful staying off. But man, when I get behind on grading papers, get up early to get work done before the kids wake up, and I’m sipping my third cup of decaf wondering why it isn’t doing it for me…dang. I’ve been jonesing for caffeine pretty badly lately.
Lately I’ve been tempted to actually lose weight. I’ve been considering a visit to the gym. I’ve even thought about counting calories. Maybe I’ll actually succumb to the temptation!!
What tempts me? My inner child. Grown up me knows she should eat right and exercise, but my inner child is quite the little temptress. What she says pretty much goes.
My number one temptation is take out. Living in NYC it is sooooo easy to order anything to your door, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will eat well. At least once a week I am tired enough to think about ordering…but my brain denies it.
I get tempted so easily. Mostly by peanut butter and anything else that starts with the word, “Reese’s.” Late at night when I’m watching Chelsea Lately, I think that should be exercising. Instead, I just close my eyes and imagine that I am Mena Suvari in American Beauty, being showered with rose petals. Except that it’s me instead of Mena, and I’m being showered with jars of PB. And then I get hit in the head and wake up. Then it’s time for bed.
My biggest temptation is eating delicious quick unhealthy foods. I’m a sucker for pizza. Making healthy choices is more expensive and more work, and I’m just lazy I guess.
A Limerick:
We all know her as Michelle M.
We think her to be quite the gem.
But I have been told
She’s getting quite old,
So it’s time to start calling her “ma’am.”
- Jere
Wishing you a mouth-watering birthday!
-David P.
-Tam
Happy Birthday to one of my favorite people ever, Cooper’s mom and Wonder Women fan….
Michelle M.!!!! I hope you have the most awesome Birthday ever because you deserve it!!
xoxo
– TJ and the doggies (Cooper’s Compadres)
Happy Birthday! From X-Heather and TwoPi
A Haiku About Michelle
The best in our books
Happy Birthday To Michelle
Hail Wonder Woman
- Kristen
Ode to Her Awesomeness
By Craig
What could one possibly say,
About the delectable Michelle M?
If she were a dessert,
She’d be la crème de la crème.
She lives in California,
All the way on the West Coast.
She’s the Cocky & Rude writer,
That us readers love the most.
She never met a head,
She couldn’t put on another body.
Don’t let her sweet looks fool you,
For her mouth is quite a potty.
With those flowing golden locks,
Like a superhero’s cape.
It begs that age old question,
Does the carpet match the drapes?
Her husband is a sexy beast,
Who likes pizza and canned beer.
There’s not a single gay around,
Who doesn’t wish that he was queer.
Wonder Woman is her idol,
And Cooper is her bird.
I don’t know who she loves most,
But Harry’s definitely in third.
So today is her birthday,
Hope she have lots of fun.
Happy Birthday Michelle M!
Congrats on turning twenty one!
Dear Michelle,
I heard it was your birthday so I wanted to send you a short note. I hope you have a wonderful day and that you don’t divorce your husband so you can marry a politician and then your ex marries a skinny little waif and then you can’t stop eating because you hate your life and you are fighting with your kids and your mother-in-law thinks you are useless and then you become the fattest woman in Westchester and then you can’t wear any of your clothes and then you feel so worried that you will eat up all your kids and then you will worry that Gene might be too small and gamey to be palatable and then your daughter hates you because you want to go skiing and she goes to her dad’s and get’s her period and then she comes back to you and whines and you are thinking “hurry up and have a baby so I can eat it.” Can I eat your cake?
Love, Fat Betty
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
From Mikey & Ty
Happy birthday to the most creative, talented, elfin proportioned person I know!
Happy Birthday Michelle!
Have a great day and best wishes for the coming year! -John
Ok, I know that Harry and Craiggers are gonna get real jealous here, but I got only one question for Michelle M.:
I Wonder Woman, are you my kinda woman?
Wit a back like that you fly like jets
Are you my Wonder Woman?
te quiero,
mr. sombrero
Happy Birthday Michelle M.!!! I decided to celebrate your birthday by mixing
my two favorite things: you, and my favorite albums!!! -Enrico
Don’t you just hate it when a product you love is discontinued? I do! Here are just a few of my favorite things that no longer exist.
Bath Products: Listerex Herbal Facial Scrub kept my face nice and clear and Bonne Bell Shower 2000 (the green kind) smelled soooo good). I sure miss Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific! shampoo. It really did make my hair smell terrific.
Snack Foods: Chipsters and Korkers, Dixie Snack crackers (they were shaped liked little drumsticks), Dip in a Chip crackers and Flaky Flix cookies. Mrs. Field’s cookie stores are no longer around (in San Diego – and the Mrs. Field’s grocery store cookies just aren’t the same). And neither are the Pretzel Time stores – my favorite of the mall pretzel stores. Boo!
and Candy: I mentioned before how much I liked the now extinct Choco Lite bar. I also miss the Marathon Bar. And why doesn’t See’s Candies make the peanut butter lolly pop anymore? They said it’s due to peanut allergies, but their other candies contain peanuts. Whatever, See’s.
Entrees: I’m not an adventurous eater. When I go to a restaurant, I usually get the same thing. Hey, I know what I like! So imagine my dismay when my go-to meal has disappeared from the menu.
The Thai chicken wrap at Mimi’s Cafe.
The steak salad at Rock Bottom.
The chili at Red Robin.
And Harry is mourning the disappearance of the salmon sliders at Sammy’s Woodfire Pizza.
Well, those are just some of the things that I miss. How about you? Are there any products/foods that you will never, ever enjoy again? Let me know in comments!
Our seventh week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate seven weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
Temptation is something that plagues every dieter. Whether it’s food, laziness, or something else — sometimes it’s all you’re thinking about when you should be eating healthy and exercising. What tempts our contestants? We’re about to find out!
Michelle M.
It doesn’t take much to tempt me away from exercising. But the couch/television and internet are the worst offenders. “All I wanna do is stay home and eat chips” – little Mackenzie (my favorite) from Dance Moms.
Polt
So this week’s theme is Temptation: what’s tempting me. Well, I’ve not had many chips in the last month, and I used to have them with nearly every meal, so they’re kinda tempting. And what do chips go best with but a delicious sub? Yeah, I’d like to have one of those, thick roll piled high with meat, mayo, lettuce, onions….yum. But what’s REALLY tempting me? PASTA! I’d give my left nut for a big bowl of fettuccine, covered in sauce and loaded with meatballs. YUM! For me now, pasta is the face of evil, tempting me so, yet SO wrong for me!
TwoPi
“I always avoid temptation, unless I can’t resist it.” Looking for images related to this quote, I stumbled on the cover of the sheet music for “Ev’rybody Shimmies Now”, which I can’t help but hear being sung by the Beach Boys. Apparently the Shimmy was a popular dance in the 1920s. Sorry, I got distracted. What is the theme again? Oh. I guess I’m tempted by the idea of the Beach Boys recording Mae West songs.
Tam
So, my biggest weakness is the damn computer. I’m either reading, writing something, or surfing the net. Sigh. I should be going for a walk, doing my laundry, something that actually requires burning more calories than typing. As for food weaknesses, lately it’s been ice-cream. (Not the Starbucks but the picture was close. I hate Starbuck.) It’s not a good thing when Ben & Jerry’s is on sale. I can resist when it’s $7/container, but $4 … not so much. Doesn’t help that this week is water retention week. Stupid girl problems.
Ryan
This past week they’ve been having food trucks come to our offices. This has disrupted my diet not only because I’m probably eating more than I normally would for lunch but also because the difficulty of figuring out how much I ate discourages me from making sure what I have for the rest of the day fits within my calorie ranges.
Mr. Sombrero
Dear PB, you suck! I love you. That about sums it up.
Mikey
My temptation of the moment is pizza. I have given in to it twice this past week, which explains why I am fatter today than I was last week. 
Anyway…I vow (again!) to resist temptation again. OH and to get off my fat butt and work out.
Adam
All I want is a cookie — ALL I WANT IS A COOKIE!! Why are vegan cookies still so bad for you? I haven’t had cookies in forevz (at least 2 days) and I still cannot seem to lose any weight. It’s pathetic! I’m just awful!!
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
Our fourth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate four weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!
Our dieters have accomplished nearly a month dieting. Have you wondered what they miss the most? This week we asked each contestant what from their plumper days they miss the most? Is it food? Laziness? Or something else? Here’s what they said:
Michelle M.
Other than the metabolism of my youth, the thing I miss most is junk food (chocolate and chips, mostly). I can hardly wait until it’s time to donate blood so I can have a guilt free snack afterwards. I hope they have mini powdered donuts…
Polt
Okay, so this week it’s “What Do I Miss Most?” Well I didn’t really give up anything for the challange, but last week, my doctor put me on a low to no carb diet. So what do I miss? FREAKING CARBS!!! I miss pizza, bread, chips, pasta, donuts, potatoes, corn, peas, fries, buns, rolls, subs…oh God, I swear there was moment Monday when I would have given my left nut for a hot buttered roll! As Shakespeare said, “A cruller, a danish, my KINGDOM for an eclair!”
TwoPi
I miss not thinking about whether to buy something my mouth wants to eat. I miss not reading the nutrition labels on packaged foods. I miss giving in to my spur-of-the-moment cravings when I’m doing the grocery shopping. (I do, however, like that slightly smug feeling when I manage to walk down the junk food aisle and don’t give in, don’t put anything in the cart.) I miss not feeling like I’m at war with myself over food.
Ryan
I don’t miss beer (I still drink it) so much as I miss being able to drink without thinking about the calories. At this point, I’ve given up drinking outside of a social context. Enjoying a beer at home just isn’t worth making room for the calories. I also miss snacking. Chips or nut mixes tend to be too much of a bother when you have to measure out portions. It would also be nice to have supper be determined by what I feel like eating more than what will balance out what I ate during the rest of the day.
Tam
I miss desserts. I got in a really bad habit in early 2012 of eating dessert far too often. All kinds, cake, cookies, pie, ice-cream, it didn’t seem like a meal unless we had dessert. Since my trip I have only had the occasional Girl Guide cookie (which I faithfully recorded). I have passed on donuts, ice-cream and other baked treats. Now when I’m craving something I usually end up having a pudding cup or a jello/fruit cup. Both around 100 calories. I like both, but they’re no triple threat chocolate cake. I was super good this last week and got a crappy number. Oh well, means next week will be high right?
Mikey
I miss nothing other than ice cream at the moment. Sure it’s only early spring, but I can always eat ice cream. It’s my favorite dessert of all time. And I haven’t had any in months. Poor Mikey!
Mr. Sombrero
I try not to deprive myself of delicious foods. I keep it in moderation and decrease the intake.
I did replace unhealthy snacks with nuts and fruits. The trick is to completely banish unhealthy foods from your surroundings so one does not fall into temptation in the time of crisis. I do find myself dreaming of Twix PB bars.
Adam
Nearly a month ago, I gave up two foods that are awful for you. Those foods? Mustard and pickles. I miss them so much! Mustard and pickles are commonly known as the most fattening foods on the planet. By avoiding only these foods, I will slim down to the size of an Olsen twin. I miss them greatly, but it’s worth it!
And now the week’s results:
Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!
 | The Incredibly Shrin… on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Tam on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
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| Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Vagina. on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | goblinbox on Biggest C&R Loser 201… |
 | Order Now! Fool Me T… on Commenter Cocktails! |
My week.
Monday
Harry had hockey, so Cooper and I watched The Muppets. My favorite muppet is Floyd. He’s so cool and laid back – the opposite of me! Cooper’s favorite muppet was the little girl giving Walter the side-eye. Cooper is also a big Chris Cooper fan.
Did I have a soda, candy and popcorn while watching the movie? No. I had celery sticks, apple sauce and water.
Tuesday
I checked in on the roses. After finally getting rid of whatever was eating holes in the leaves, our five rose bushes came down with powdery mildew. And just when they were looking so healthy and lush and were starting to bloom. I had to cut them all back. Boo.
I did my ironing. I hate ironing. Here is a shirt that is supposed to be “no iron”. Grrrr.
Wednesday
Wednesday we got in the car and headed to Temecula‘s wine country (about an hour north of us). Last year Harry gave me a horseback ride and wine tasting lunch for my birthday. We finally got around to doing it. My horse’s name was Rusty and Harry’s was Quincy. It was super hot, and my horse kept fighting me to be in front of the guide, but it was fun!
After our ride we went to Wilson Creek Winery for our wine tasting. Woo hoo!
Then we had lunch. The restaurant was outdoors. They had misters which was lovely on such a hot day. The rolls had cheese on them (yuck), but the crackers were pretty good. I had a (steak) salad.
Thursday
Thursday was the last day of my painting class. Some of the students brought in snacks. One of them brought chocolate cupcakes. I took one because it would have been rude of me to refuse.
Here is the painting I’ve been working on. It’s Franz Marc‘s Red Horses. It’s a little off because the dimensions of my canvas are different from the original. And I still have a lot yet to do. I’m the queen of unfinished projects, but hopefully I’ll keep working on it.
Friday
After dinner at a Mexican restaurant with friends (I had 2 daiquiris, peach and strawberry), Harry and I decided to go to the local dive bar to drink some more. He had beer and some kind of cinnamon shot thing. I had 2 rum and cokes. They have a neat jukebox with bajillions of songs.
We killed zombies, played air hockey (Harry won) and pool (Harry won – maybe it’s because I played this way…).
Saturday
We went to our local farmer’s market. We got some fresh, organic California strawberries.
Then we took the car in to Pep Boys because the air conditioner broke. This would be their second go round trying to fix it (this isn’t our first experience having to bring the car back for a re-repair). After we got there they told us to bring it back another day (after just telling us on the phone to bring it in). After we get it fixed we shall never, ever return. Manny, Mo and Jack can suck it.
We decided to have lunch in Hillcrest. We went to Freebirds World Burrito. It’s kinda like Chipotle, but with more options. Check out my huge burrito:
We sat outside and guess what music was playing? “Black Betty”. I kid you not. Also, I totally didn’t have a brownie or cookie. Willpower!
On the way home we saw this bar. It reminded me of Adam.
Sunday
I didn’t do much. I can’t find my brand of shampoo anywhere anymore, so I used this brand for the first time. It smells like flowers and fruit salad.
I also read, played on the computer and watched tv. Then I worked on Cooper’s exciting post for Monday.
Check out Cooper’s Corner for a very important announcement: http://cooperscorner.info/
So how was your weekend? And who is your favorite muppet? Let me know in comments!
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