Tag Archives: conspiracy

What’s Grinding My Gear

This week has been an exercise in frustration. I’ve been trying to sign up for a class at the local community college (digital art, in case you care. Or don’t.) and have been met with one obstacle after another. So annoying! Anyway, the whole experience got me thinking about all the other things that irritate the hell out of me. And there are soooo many. Here is a sampling:

1. Dealing with the medical profession. Doctors, pharmacists, insurance people – they’re all out to get me. I had to switch pharmacies recently, and to make a long story short, it’s been a major pain in the ass. As of now, I am out of pills (for hypothyroidism, in case you care. Or don’t). Aggravating!

2. Football players with long hair. It’s not the long hair that bothers me. Long hair can be quite nice.
Exhibit A:

It’s when it trails out from under a helmet that it bugs me. It’s so untidy. Tuck that shiz up!

3. Votives. Why is it that when Harry and I go out for dinner, our votive is never lit? Is it a conspiracy? Do I need to start carrying around matches? Must I do everything myself? Jesus Christ.

4. Tags. They are itchy, abrasive and a plague to my existence. I end up cutting them out, which is why the backs of my shirts/sweaters always have holes in them. Grrr.

5. Recipe changes. I swear, any dish I enjoy at a restaurant is eventually discontinued or is changed.

For example, the chicken noodle soup at Panera Bread. It used to be very tasty and when served with a roll on the side made for a very satisfying meal. But Panera decided to make their soup more nutritious/healthy. Now the broth is watery, the noodles are flimsy and I might as well be eating Campbell’s. BOO!

6. Lids. I can’t open them. Why do they have to be screwed on so tight? What am I going to do when/if I outlive Harry? I’m going to die of starvation, an old, bony woman, surrounded by unopened jars and bottles. How tragic.

So, those are just some of the things that have been ticking me off lately. What’s been grinding your gear? Let me know in comments.

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Have You Ever… Been Scandal-Worthy?!

There’s been a lot of scandal (both political and otherwise) on the news lately.  Of course there’s Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Dominique Strauss-Khan, but as I’m sure you’re aware — they’re hardly the first.  And we all know that they won’t be the last.  Could you be the subject of the world next big scandal?  Probably not … but let’s find out anyway.

You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.

Have You Ever?!

1. Have you ever committed fraud, conspiracy, money laundering or theft?
2. Have you ever committed perjury?
3. Have you ever employed an illegal alien?
4. Have you ever cheated on your taxes?
5. Have you ever accepted bribes?
6. Have you ever been involved in illegal gambling?
7. Have you ever been involved in any sort of dog fighting or animal abuse?
8. Have you ever cheated on your significant other?
9. Have you ever gotten pregnant or impregnated someone as a result of cheating on your significant other?
10. Have you ever sat with a wide stance and tapped your foot in a public restroom to solicit sex?
11. Have you ever had an intimate encounter with a stranger in a public restroom?
12. Have you ever been forced by a scandal to out yourself as a gay American?
13. Have you ever taken nude photos of yourself?
14. Have you ever sent sexually suggestive tweets, texts, IMs or similar communications to someone?
15. Have you ever IMed, texted or tweeted dirty photos of yourself to someone else?
16. Have you ever IMed, texted or tweeted something racist, profane, or similarly controversial?
17. Have you ever had phone sex or dirty audio conversations with someone else?
18. Have you ever appeared in any state of undress or sexual arousal on Skype, Chatroulette, Manroulette, or any other web-based video communication?
19. Have you ever recorded a sex tape?
20. Have you ever had sex with a prostitute?
21. Have you ever been accused of sexual harassment in the workplace?
22. Have you ever talked about pubic hairs on your can of Coke in the workplace?
23. Have you ever inserted a cigar into someone’s vagina while at your workplace?
24. Have you ever murdered someone?
25. Have you ever raped someone?

The best thing to do right now is to get these indiscretions off your chest by telling us all your point total.  Or many not, if you ever plan to run for political office…

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