Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll introduce our fighters.  We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…

NKOTBSB

Members: Donnie Wahlberg, Danny Wood, Joey McIntyre, Jordan Knight, Jonathan Knight, Brian Littrell, Nick Carter, A. J. McLean, & Howie Dorough
Current Location: Touring across the United States & Canada
Relationship Status: Some of them are probably married
Occupation: boy band entertainers
Height & Weight: Varies
Hobbies: singing, dancing
Major Cities on the current tour:  Rosemont, Grand Rapids, Buffalo, Baltimore, Uncasville, Boston, Washington, D.C., Philly, Montreal, Toronto, East Rutherford, Pittsburg, Chicago, Memphis, Nashville, Atlanta, Houston, Dallas, San Antonio, Phoenix, L.A., San Jose, Vegas, Vancouver, Minneapolis, Kansas City, Tulsa, St. Louis, Orlando, Columbus, Cleveland, Atlantic City, Hershey, Ottawa, Hamilton, & London
Hit Songs: “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)“, “Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)“, “Hangin’ Tough“, “Please Don’t Go Girl“, etc.
Hit Albums: New Kids on the Block (1986), Hangin’ Tough (1988), Step by Step (1990), Backstreet Boys (1996), Backstreet’s Back (1997), Millennium (1999), Unbreakable (2007), This Is Us (2009), etc.
Official Website: http://www.nkotbsb.com/
Catch Phrase: One Night, One Stage, Once in a Lifetime.

NKOTBSB is the supergroup collaboration of the hit ’80s and ’90s boy-band groups New Kids On The Block and Backstreet Boys.  The two groups first came together during an onstage performance of “I Want It That Way” at Radio City Music Hall in the summer of 2010.  They are currently touring North America in hopes of reigniting the boy band fad in the United States.  Secret weapons include: lots of hair gel, choreographed dance moves, stylized facial hair, entitled attitudes, a hoard of screaming middle-aged women and the sheer number of group members.

VUBOQ

AKA / Alias: Isn’t VUBOQ enough?  I mean, really …but if not, his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace
Date of Birth: the Best Day of the Year – St. Patrick’s Day!!! (What other holiday is solely about drinking?)
Place of Birth: Contrary to popular belief, I was not born in a manger.
Current Residence: Silver Spring, MD
Relationship Status: I am in a long-term open relationship with Seagram’s Gin (I’m free to drink other gins as long as I tell Mr. Seagram about it first. Currently, I’m having a little fling with a Beefeater). The great thing about gin is that you never have to worry about it disappearing for days, not returning text messages or phone calls or emails. It’s always there, in my freezer, waiting to be made into a yummy martini to make me happy. Yay!
Occupation: Government/Military Contractor. GAH. That is so boring. Let’s make it “Government/Military Sparklefier”
Height & Weight: Shorter than Craig. Heavier than Michelle M.
Hobbies: pottery (do you have a piece of my pottery?  do you want one? so. much. pottery.), knitting, making infused vodkas
Major Cities that you’ve visited:  Internationally, London, Tokyo, Beijing, Taipei, Singapore, Bangkok, Berlin … Toronto in September.  Yay for Canadia! Nationally, DeeCee, NYC, Dallas, San Diego, San Francisco, LA, Seattle, Las Vegas, DEEEEEEE-troit, Boston, Albuquerque (isn’t that a major city?), Atlanta, Philly … what exactly is a major city?  Should these be all on the back of the VUBOQ World Tour t-shirt?
Favorite Song: OMG.  I have no idea. I am absolutely sure it is not a NKOTBSB song. And, while we’re on the subject, shouldn’t it be NKOTBBSB?  Because otherwise it’s New Kids on the Back Street Boys -and while I’m sure that is fueling all sorts of fun m/m slash fiction- maybe they don’t Want it That Way? (Isn’t that one of their songs?  Who knows?)
Favorite Album: Ditto.  I am really not all that into music.  Well, not so into it that I can pick a favorite.
Official Website: vuboq.blogspot.com Link it. Love it.  Be it.
Catch Phrase: None, that I know of.
Favorite curse word: Fork

Everyone’s favorite acronym, VUBOQ (Vicious Unrepentant Bitter Old Queen), provided so much information that a bio is hardly necessary.  Instead, here’s a list of his likes, dislikes and Secret Weapons, in his own words…  Likes: martinis. pesto. dark chocolate. green. orange. Isabella. cute boys. my nook.  Dislikes: beets. stupid people.  people who stand on the left on the escalator.  clueless tourists. people who walk too slow. metro cars with a/c that doesn’t work (hmm … can you tell what kind of commute home I had this evening? at least there were no beets involved).  Secret Weapons: A few years ago, I fended off a mugger with my umbrella (Apparently, I was a 90-year-old grandmother in a former life). Also, back in the late 80s, one of my college friends was a NKOTB stalker, so she shared with me how to find the hotel they were staying in after concerts: The band always booked the entire top floor of a hotel.  She would call every hotel in town and ask for a room on the top floor. If they were all booked, she would reserve a room on the floor below. HAHA!  Take that (*hehe* Take That! *hehe*), NKOTB(B)SB! I know how to find your secret lair!

Who will win in the battle of  NKOTBSB vs. VUBOQ?  Both contestants have a whole lot of letters in their acronyms … but there can only be one winner.  Will NKOTBSB’s member count be too much for VUBOQ to handle?  Or will VUBOQ outsmart the boy band boys with his trusty old lady umbrella?  We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to VUBOQ & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!