Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club!  The rules to the game are simple.  Each week we’ll introduce our fighters.  We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses.  Then we’ll put the results to vote.  You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…

TOM & JERRY

AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Tom Cat and Jerry Mouse, Tom was called “Jasper” and Jerry was known as “Jinx” in their debut appearances
First Appearance: February 10th, 1940 in Puss Gets the Boot
Created by: William Hanna and Joseph Barbera
Place of Birth: Unknown
Hair Color: Tom is white and two shades of gray (or blue), Jerry is two shades of brown
Species: Cat & Mouse
Current Residence: A house
Relationship Status: Usually fighting, occasionally friends
Occupations (current and/or past): Tom is a house cat, Jerry is vermin
Notable Appearances: Television: The Tom and Jerry Show (ABC, 1975), The Tom and Jerry Comedy Show (CBS, 1980–1982), Tom & Jerry Kids (FOX, 1990–1995), Tom and Jerry Tales (The CW, 2006–2008) Movies: Jerry danced with Gene Kelly in the GM musical feature film Anchors Aweigh (1945), Tom and Jerry: The Movie (Turner Pictures/Film Roman/WMG, 1993), A new feature film is rumored to be in production.
Height & Weight: Tom weighs approximately 12lbs, Jerry weighs approximately 7 ounces
Hobbies: attempting to kill each other
Favorite Song: their own theme song
Awards: 7 Academy Awards for Best Short Subject: Cartoon
Known for: their famous cartoon series
Catch Phrases: Tom and Jerry almost never speak
Favorite Food: Tom’s favorite food is Jerry, Jerry’s favorite food is cheese
Claim to Fame: In 2000, TIME named the series one of the greatest television shows of all time.
Favorite curse word: none

First appearing in a 1940 cartoon short, the characters of Tom & Jerry have been a favorite of children everywhere for over 70 years! Tom & Jerry have appeared in a ridiculous amount of theatrical animated shorts, television shows, movies, specials, video games, and more.  Although they’re usually at odds with each other, this cat & mouse duo have decided to put their differences aside and enter the C&R Fight Club ring as allies.  Their secret weapons include possible invincibility and immortality (after all, they’re still alive after a 70-year battle and don’t look as if they’ve even aged a day), giant hammers, mouse traps, stinky cheese, and wealth of friends and accomplices.

JERE

AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Call me “Jer-bear” and I’ll kill you
Date of Birth & Age: May 29, 34
Created by: Equal parts luck, genius and boozy, regret-filled night
Place of Birth: The City by the Pestilent Sea
Hair Color: fleshy white boy
Species: hillbilly wearleopard
Current Residence: Harlem
Relationship Status: desperate
Occupations (current and/or past): former journalist, current law student, lifelong professional homosexual
Notable Appearances (Film, TV, etc): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3frIKv7X-fM
Height & Weight: 1800 calories a day diet
Hobbies: voting 1 star for “very poor” on Cocky & Rude posts. Especially those involving cat urine.
Favorite Song (this week): Monster by Kanye West [feat. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Bon Iver, and Nicki Minaj]
Awards: “Best BJ of All Time” as acknowledged by several random guys
Known for: Inappropriate and unfunny sexual harassment.
Catch Phrases: “Hey teen gang, let’s go [insert name of activity we were going to do anyway]!”
Favorite Food: Taco Bell Bean Burritos
Claim to Fame: Indestructible.
Favorite curse word: Justin Bieber’s Cunt!

Little is known about where Jere comes from, what he does with his time, or with whom he associates. This is remarkable because Jere is like the opposite of internet privacy and he frequently broadcasts his whereabouts, activities, thoughts and bowel movements to a world-wide web that largely pays no attention at all. Gossip tabloids have linked him romantically to famous person Tyler Posey of Teen Wolf, but Jere denies these rumors, commenting “I don’t date 20-year-old guys. Anymore.”  Jere’s secret weapons include: The fact that he’s a dog person, he hasn’t had rodents in my apartment since the great “humane trap” invasion of fall 2010, he has an unlimited supply of siblings and family member who’ve got his back, and if all else fails, he’ll sue your ass.

Who will win in the battle of  Tom & Jerry vs. Jere? Will Tom & Jerry team up and combine their strengths to defeat Jere?  Or will Jer-bear sue them to death while screaming “Justin Bieber’s Cunt!” at the top of his lungs? There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.

Check back on Sunday for the results!

Thanks to both Jere and Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!