Last week I heard an idea for a game on a morning zoo radio show that I’ve decided to steal for your enjoyment. It’s called Adult Movie or Holiday Movie? The rules are simple: for each title below, decide if the movie is an adult (porno) movie or a sweet, holiday drama/comedy. Each title below links to the answer. Keep score and tell us your total in the comments. (Please be warned that I’ve covered all the nips and p33ns in the answer photos, but some are still NSFW.)
Three Wise Women
Mixed Nuts
A Little Christmas Tail
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Holiday in Handcuffs
Santa is Naughty And Nice
Christmas in Memphis
Very Very Bad Santa
A Christmas Visitor
Holiday For Angels
Lucky Christmas
The Ultimate Gift
Dirty Santa
Miracle on 69th Street
Playing with Mrs. Claus
12 Dates of Christmas
Desperately Seeking Santa
Santa Comes Twice
Santa Comes Again
Stocking Stuffers
Call Me Mrs. Miracle
Primary Sources: 94.5 WPST, ABC Family, Adult Film Database, Hallmark Channel, Tech Mediatainment
Top Posts of the Past Week:
Boobs, Breasts, Knockers, Melons, Jugs, Ta-Tas, Fun Bags, Bazoongas, Tits, Honkers, Headlights, Hooters … whatever you call them, they’re just plain gross! Previously we’ve discussed why vaginas and penises are gross. Now it’s time to discuss those big, gross boobs of yours…
1. They flop around and need a special article of clothing to contain them.
2. They produce a natural beverage.
3. Over the years they begin to sag.
4. Boob sweat collects under the boob and can cause rashes or irritation.
5. They look like an ass on your chest.
6. Some have those blue veins running through them.
7. The nipples can be misshapen and sometimes look like pink erasers.
8. Some women get implants to make these gross things even bigger.
9. Sometimes one is bigger than the other.
10. Straight guys like to titty fuck them.
Like every other gay person on the planet (or so it seemed — ugh! crowds!), I attended the NYC Pride Parade on Sunday. And guess what? I brought my camera! Here’s a whole bunch of photos…
(gay stormtrooper)
Old gay people on motorcycles!
Michael Bloomberg, Andrew Cuomo, and Sandra Lee.
(In case you’ve forgotten … that Sandra Lee.)
Dan Savage & Terry Miller
He thinks that he’s bringing back “raise the roof!“ What do you think?
Rickie Vasquez Wilson Cruz travels in a horse-drawn carriage!
A gay pride … of lions. Get it?
Yuck!
NY Senator Chuck Schumer
Meh, Obama.
Yuck! Topless girls!
And finally … it’s Zac Young from Top Chef: Just Desserts!
Too bad that I didn’t get a photo of the front of his head.
There’s one more photo that you’re going to love … but you can’t see it until Saturday.
There are many Mikeys in the world. There’s Mikey Jordan, Mikey Bolton, Mikey Jackson, Mikey J. Fox, and Mikey Douglas, among others. But no Mikey is more special to us than our Mikey. And on this day that we celebrate the birth of Mikey, I wanted to do something a little special. So today we’re going to take a quick peek into the life of Mikey … and what he does when he’s not busy blogging at C&R.
Every day, Mikey goes to work. While there, he gets angry, thinks about stars, question marks, swirls, Justins and exclamation points. And then he nearly poops himself.
Whenever they have free time, Mikey and his boyfriend Ty go to the beach. They love to run while carrying their matching blue surf boards. Check out Mikey’s lovely bresticles! And what a figure! Hotcheewowow!
Mikey is also obsessed with everything British. Totally trumping his obsession with Doctor Who was the recent royal wedding. Unfortunately, the Queen has banned him for life from Buckingham Palace after he photobombed this royal portrait.
One of Mikey’s favorite pastimes? Licking pussies. Especially ginger ones!
Speaking of gingers … Mikey is so jealous of those of us with fiery locks that he spends a lot of his alone time with an orange Sharpie marker, “fixing” photos of himself.
Something else he does when he’s all alone … Mikey enjoys surfing the internet for “video entertainment!” I wonder if that one will make it onto the Friday Five?
Mikey also loves fun, fun, fun, fun and look’n forward to the weekend with his
buddies Rebecca Black and Braces Girl!
And Mikey loooooooooooves Justin. So like every devoted fan, Mikey attends every single Justin Bieber concert in the northern hemisphere.
But when he’s not get’n down with Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber,
Mikey also fancies himself quite the performer!
He’s even had a few guest roles on Glee!
But Mikey’s star is rising. We’re pleased to announce Mikey’s latest role…
he’s starring in a brand new motion picture!
Check out the Cocky & Rude World Exclusive trailer for Unnecessary Force:
It’s truly an honor to be in the presence of such a great talent. We only hope that as his star rises, he remembers where he came from. It’s also an honor to wish my friend a happy birthday!
It’s been four months since our last Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser contest drew to a close. Since then, some of our contestants have let their weight slip in the wrong direction. That’s why we’re back with Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2. This time we’re upping the ante and the competition will be more fierce, more exciting, and more … populated! We’re starting this week with 18 players divided into 9 teams. Most of our players from the first BC&RL contest have returned, along with a bunch of new faces. Starting next week, you’ll be voting to eliminate players each week until our finale in about three months. After our winner is crowned, we’ll catch up with all of our eliminated players and award the biggest behind-the-scenes loser with a special prize. Are you excited? So are we! Let’s meet the players…
TYLER-EXIA & BULI-MIKEY Mikey & Ty
Mikey: Mikey is the name; weight loss is my mission. After losing our last competition by gaining weight instead of losing it, I am determined to kick some butt and take names. My basic approach to this will be avoiding all the foods I find to be tasty and fulfilling, so basically I’m going to eat like Adam. I would call it the Ginger diet, but people might think I’m only going to eat ginger root or actual gingers, which would be really gross. I also intend to do something I haven’t done in a very long time: work out. I’m usually morally opposed to this kind of thing as it causes me to sweat, which is not very nice. If I slip on the sweat, I’m going to sue.
Ty: My Goal: Duh, to lose weight. That goal does not include coming to terms with my deeper issues towards food (I like it) and exercise (I hate it). My Plan: To throttle anyone who tells me how he often gets so busy he forgets to eat, or what a high she gets from exercising for five hours every day. I’m not sure yet how that will help me lose weight, but it will definitely make me feel better.
GINGY & THE HAT Adam & Mr. Sombrero
Adam: I’ve grown rather plump in the last few months. Let’s face it: eating is fun. Food is delicious. I like things that are fun and delicious. It’s really the perfect combination. And as my weight began to grow and grow, I knew in the back of my mind that I would be able to lose it all when I was ready. So now it’s time to do that … and it’s kind of awesome that I can drag you all along with me. Make no mistake: I’m going to win BC&RL this time. I’m going to lose a lot of weight in the next three months. And I’m going to destroy you all. It’s just that simple! HAHAHAHA!!! <– evil laughter
Mister Sombrero: Hi, my name is Mr. Sombrero and I’m an alcoholic Adam’s boyfriend. I have a biiiiiiiig sombrero, un mustacho and un grande belly, because I love tacos, burritos, and I can’t say no to an empanada. My weight-loss regiment will include watching Jane Fonda Exercise Videos and the Anything-Cheese Diet®. I would like to point out that I’m a lousy teammate and I have scored in the 100th percentile on the ‘Have You Ever Annoyed Adam’ quiz I can’t wait to win this! Ay-ay-ay!!!!
THE JAILHOUSE LAWYERS Polt & Jere
Polt: Hello all, this is Polt. Along with the baldy beautiful Jere, we make up The Jailhouse Lawyers! I have several plans for the contest. Plan 1: Will the weight to fall off. If that doesn’t work, Plan 2: Have enormous amounts of sex to increase my caloric usage, and work the weight off. If that doesn’t work, Plan 3: Die. Lots of weight falls of when you’re dead. And after all the fast food, Mama Polt’s lard cooked food, and candy I’ve consumed over the past week, I got lotsa weight to lose! I got 
this thing in the bag!
Jere: Hi, I’m Jere. As a law student, stress eating and lack of time for exercise is just a way of life. But I’m hoping to change that in 2011. I’d love to shed the pounds I put on last semester. I would claim I’m doing this to be healthy and blah blah blah, but I really just want to get laid and New York homos can be very shallow.
TEAM OINK Harry & Michelle M.
Harry: I am Harry McFatty. I need to lose a few pounds because I’ve been drinking too much beer.
Michelle M.: Hi! I’m Michelle M. My goal is to be as slender as Joshrico. But I’ll settle for dropping the 10 pounds I’ve been carrying around for the past 10 years or so.
DOCTOR AND THE BUNNYMAN Mel & John
Mel: After a holiday season of chocolate binging, I’ve packed back on a few of the 40 pounds I lost last year. I’m still around 30 pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest, but 
Good Dog am I feeling bloated lately. And strangely, people keep telling me I have this glow about me. Fuckers.
John: (Written By Mel) John is a mysterious man-rabbit who allegedly looks something like the one to the right. Craig & Tam may or may not know otherwise, but they’re not talking. Perhaps out of sheer terror.
TEAM MUSHY CUPCAKE Mush & Ryan
Mush: I wasn’t a fat kid; I’ve been slowly and steadily gaining weight my entire life. This morning, I weighed more than I’ve ever weighed. (These last few weeks of total indulgence have certainly taken their toll!) 
I don’t mind being pudgy, but the land of pudgy borders on the land of fat, as we all know, and THAT JUST AIN’T COOL. I intend to use an online calorie and fitness tracker called Sparkpeople. I’ll also be using bento boxes (to make portion control more fun, because in reality it totally sucks). I’ll also be making a real effort to increase 
my walking, bike riding, number of yoga classes, and I might even do the Two Hundred Situps program again.
Ryan: I’ve discovered that sitting at a desk all day and having french fries at the cafeteria every day is not conducive to keeping one’s pants size. Somehow, I managed to survive the holidays without doing to much damage. Hopefully, this contest will give me the motivation to move around and make my own healthy food.
TEAM COLON BLOW Paul & FDot
Paul: Hey guys, since I am a type 2 diabetic and have not taken care of it for 2 years this is not simply a weight loss contest for me but a need to change my life. I will be seeing the doctor next week and I’m sure he will get me back on my meds, insist on reasonable diet, and regular exercise. My mantra for the year is “lose 50 to get to 50” so watch out! Here comes a future skinny bitch! For now, I need Whitey to help me read the scale.
FDot: I am FDot. I also have an Indian name, but it has a large number of consonants and I forget their order. For recreation, I like to look outside windows. I have already started my plan for this competition by ordering all the weight loss medications I see advertised on TV. In addition to losing weight, I will also suffer liver failure, heart attacks, kidney implosions, an addiction to gambling and uncontrollable sobbing.
CANADIAN BACON Tam & Nathan
Tam: Because I feel like a giant lump of lard that is getting nothing but bigger and bigger, I have chosen to publicly humiliate myself by joining this challenge. My goal is to not get eliminated in the first round due to my weakness for all foods containing 
calories and have my partner hate me for life thus traumatizing him the first week of the competition. Hopefully I’ll be a slightly smaller lump of lard by the end of this process and that we can kick everyone’s ass, without ending up out of breath and in need of oxygen.
Nathan: Due to the rapid expansion of my waistline, I’ve decided to endure this competition. Regardless of how far I make it in this competition, I’ve made a new year’s resolution not to eat out ever (beer exempted) for three months. My main goal in this competition is not to be eliminated first. I have confidence in Tam and I’s capabilities, and we are going to bring it for this
competition!
ENCRAIGO Enrico & Craig
Enrico: Hey y’all. I’m Enrico and I won the first round of BC&RL. After adding on the pounds last time, I’m ready to lose them so I can win again. And let’s be honest, if I lose even 10 pounds, my percentage of body weight lost will probably be greater than the 1 or 2 pounds that everyone else will lose. Adam, get ready to send me a prize… again!
Craig: Hello there! I’m Craig from Puntabulous and even though my Mom says she doesn’t want me to lose a pound, I’d love nothing more than to get rid of my muffin top! Seriously, if you flick my muffin top, my boobs jiggle. No joke! So my goal is to create some healthy habits and eliminate jigglage!
Now that you’ve met all of our contestants, who do you think will win? Place your bets in the comments! And check back next Thursday for the results of our first weigh-in!
 | The Incredibly Shrin… on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Tam on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Tasha on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Vagina. on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | goblinbox on Biggest C&R Loser 201… |
 | Order Now! Fool Me T… on Commenter Cocktails! |
Have You Ever … Had Poor Etiquette?!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever been late?
6. Have you ever commented negatively about someone on Facebook?
13. Have you ever engaged in excessive PDA?
20. Have you ever had a conversation with someone on speakerphone in a public place?
2. Have you ever forgotten to introduce a date, friend or acquaintance to a group of new people?
3. Have you ever regifted a gift?
4. Have you ever forgotten to RSVP?
5. Have you ever taken the last bit of coffee and not made a new pot at work?
7. Have you ever farted in a public place?
8. Have you ever smoked a cigarette really close to non-smokers?
9. Have you ever cut in line?
10. Have you ever remained seated on public transportation when a disabled or elderly person was forced to stand?
11. Have you ever hogged a sidewalk so no one could pass you?
12. Have you ever clipped your nails (or otherwise groomed yourself) in public?
14. Have you ever hit all the buttons in an elevator?
15. Have you ever let the doors close instead of holding an elevator for someone?
16. Have you ever skipped the tip at a restaurant?
17. Have you ever made a lot of noise in a quiet movie theater?
18. Have you ever left pubes, pee, poo or any other mess in or on a public toilet without cleaning it up?
19. Have you ever coughed or sneezed onto someone else?
21. Have you ever used profanity in front of children in a public place?
22. Have you ever talked with your mouth full?
23. Have you ever behaved rudely at the gym? (not wiping off machines, monopolizing machines, etc.)
24. Have you ever not held the door for someone when entering or exiting a store?
25. Have you ever stared at someone’s boobs instead of their face when they were talking to you?
Tell us your total in the comments!
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