On July 4th, my mother took my grandparents (her parents) to a breakfast buffet. It wasn’t very crowded — there were probably 40 empty tables in the restaurant. The three of them were enjoying their meal until my mother’s attention was drawn to a woman at a neighboring table. She was noticeably agitated while her husband and young son were shoveling their faces full of food.
“Excuse me! Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!!” yelled the woman.
“Yes…?” questioned my mother.
“I’m trying to eat over here and he’s disgusting! He’s blowing his nose! IT’S DISGUSTING!” the woman said.
“What??” My mother was appalled.
“I’m trying to eat and he’s blowing his nose! DISGUSTING!!” She covered her mouth as if she was seconds from vomiting.
My mother responded with something completely inadequate along the lines of “Don’t worry about it, we’re leaving soon.” What makes the whole situation even more upsetting to me is that my grandparents are both hard-of-hearing (they’re in their late 80s/early 90s) and they didn’t even hear the woman.
“What did she say?” my grandmother asked. My mom repeated it to them.
“Oh…” said my grandfather, feeling embarrassed and a bit defeated. Picture a nice old man sitting at a table, quietly blowing his nose into a handkerchief. Is that scene really so horribly offensive?
When my mom told me the story, I was enraged. How dare that woman cross my grandfather? My mother should have cursed her out and then dumped the woman’s plate into her lap. If I were there, my response would have included at least three choice expletives. Then perhaps I would have spit into her face. People just don’t spit on each other enough these days.
Is public (and covered) nose blowing a disgusting offense? Or was that bitch just a bully? Tell me how you’d react!
A dozen weeks… that’s a really long time! A long time ago, we started Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 with 18 players … and now only 3 remain! Next week we’ll crown a winner, but this week we’ll give the contestants one last chance to wrestle it out and talk some smack. Let’s get started…
Mush: I am one pound shy of my goal, and I probably would have made it, too, if I hadn’t decided to go to Portland and drink like a fish all weekend. I should win because I have BEEN ON A GODDAMNED DIET FOR TWELVE FUCKING WEEKS and because I’m just basically pretty awesome in general. For a total weirdo. And because right now my G’ma is baking cookies that I won’t be eating and the whole house smells like heaven. Heaven I won’t be eating.
Paul: Win or lose has not been my goal here at all. My goal has been to improve my health and what this contest has done is to help me focus on that goal. I want to with Mush and Ryan the best of luck and congratulate them on their great progress during this contest. Now that the Miss America speech is over, YOU ARE GOING DOWN BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ryan: I should win because I stand for those most American (and Canadian of values): cupcakes, kittens, and comically incompetent robot dogs. I’m actually surprised that I’ve made it this far. I was expecting my initial trash talk to come back to bite me, but I survived to the finals. I would love to win the $250,000 grand prize, but whatever happens, I plan to keep on losing weight so that I blow everyone away at the six-month reunion special. (Note to Polt: Blow everyone away, not blow everyone)
Here’s the part of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 where we normally post a chart that illustrates the contestants’ weight loss percentages. BUT for the first time, we’re not going to tell you how they did. Last week there was only a -.36% difference between first and third place … so this contest could go ANY way! Next week we’re reveal the results, but for now, let’s do something a little different. Instead of eliminating a player, we’re going to pick our favorite contestant! This week, we’ll vote on FAN FAVORITE! Make your choice:
On Sunday, we’ll post the fan favorite results. Until then, let’s talk about who we think will win Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 … in the comments!
 | Tasha on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Vagina. on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | goblinbox on Biggest C&R Loser 201… |
 | Order Now! Fool Me T… on Commenter Cocktails! |
 | Jones sabo and maybe… on What Animal Are You? |
 | MsElenath on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
Things That CREEP Me Out
Here are ten things that CREEP me the hell out:
Old timey dolls. What were people thinking in the olden days? Were they trying to scare their children to death? Who would want to wake up to see those evil little faces staring at you? The one above wants to swallow my soul.
Speaking of scaring children to death, jack in the boxes are another way to do it.
The anticipation of that thing popping out is enough to give me a heart attack.
Mayonnaise. SO GROSS! Barf!
Eyeballs. Specifically, touching or operating on them. The Lasik scene from Final Destination 5 almost did me in.
Bar soap*. Especially that slimy gunk between the bar of soap and the soap dish. Gag!
*More on this on a future post.
Mummies. I DON’T WANT TO SEE THAT! EVER! Put that thing back where you found it! (Plus, they carry curses).
Mold, eeeeeeeeeeeew!
Long toenails. Revolting! Clip that shiz before I lose my lunch!
(Also gross: long fingernails on men and those Lamisil toe fungus commercials).
Candle wax on birthday cake. And it gets on the best part – the frosting! I always worry that someone is going to blow too hard on the candles and spray that damn wax everywhere. If I’m in charge of candles, I put them all in one corner so the rest of the cake doesn’t get wax cooties.
Roaches. make. my. skin. Crawl.
So there you have it – ten things that I find utterly disgusting. Runners up were: hairy drain clogs,
hoarders, John Malkovich, porta potties and rotting, never brushed teeth.
What creeps you out? Let me know in comments!
Rate this:
Share this:
Like this: