1. Harry. Harry made Thanksgiving dinner this year and did a fantastic job. On the menu: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, green beans, Brussels sprouts* and acorn squash. And not only did he do the shopping and cook, but he cleaned up as well!
2. Marcel the Shell with shoes on 2. The cute little shell is back to share his adventures and musings on life.
3. New foods. This week I tried two foods that I had never had before. Pretty impressive for the unadventurous eater. I’d heard horror stories about Brussels sprouts all my life, so I was a little worried. But I had nothing to fear, they were pretty good! The Nutella was for a snack I made with my 4 year old nephew (Acorns. We also made fall wreaths with leaves we picked up around the neighborhood). The Nutella was yummy. I’m not a fan of hazelnut, but the flavor wasn’t overpowering.
Cute and tasty.
Unfortunately, one of these foods gave me an all-over body rash. My money is on the Nutella. But it’s possible it was my new coconut lime breeze shower gel from Bath & Body Works.
4. Zombies. Harry got The Walking Dead compendium, so after he finished I stayed up a couple nights reading it. I won’t spoil anything but there are some major differences between it and the tv series. It will be interesting to see how the tv storyline unfolds.
5. Cooper. Just because he’s so damn cute. Here he is in his food dish. Stay tuned for Cooper’s blog – coming soon!
Runners up: mashed potatoes, naps, not going out on Black Friday and this:
Last year, C&R told you the truth about the first Thanksgiving, and how it lead to the birth of Polt. In case you’ve forgotten, here it is:
About 7000 years ago, this dude named Columbus sailed across the Atlantic Ocean. The Queen of Spain had given him three boats: The Nina, the Pinta and the Titanic. After 14 days and 14 nights, Columbus landed at Plymouth Acclaim Rock where he met Pocahontas and George Washington! Pocahontas was totally turned off by Columbus’s bad style (buckles and funny black hats), so she went off to have a threesome with John Smith and the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Columbus was SO pissed (because Pocahontas had nice tits and he wanted to motorboat them), that he raped a bunch of Native American and gave them all smallpox. Rude!
Polt's Proud Papa!
To celebrate his mascara, Columbus, Lois, Clark and Ernie Hudson all went to an Indian casino and saw a live performance by Barry Manilow! Columbus instantly turned gay and fell in love with Barry. That night they had crazy butt sex. One year later, Baby Polt sprung from Barry Manilow’s loins! Everyone was happy and gave each other blowjobs to commemorate the day of Polt’s birth. Columbus dressed Baby Polt in purple, and fed him a first meal of microwaved Lean Cuisine turkey, apple cobbler and maize.
And so began the American tradition of Thanksgiving: the day in which we all give thanks for Polt. We’ve celebrated it every year on this day since the beginning of time (Polt is very old), and will continue to do so until we become bored with the whole damn thing. (source)
But that’s not quite the end of the story. Today is Black Friday, and wouldn’t you just know it — Polt was there for the very first Black Friday! Here’s how it happened:
6985 years ago, Polt (who was 14, if you do the math) was having sex for the first time with a cute little Asian boy named George Takei. Suddenly, something hit him right in the face! After he wiped himself off, he had a thought: what if the people of the United States celebrated his birth every year by having butt sex with Asians (preferably with hairthings)? Without hesitation, he grabbed his purple iPhone and told Suri Cruise to call his BFF, President Abraham Lincoln.
Polt and A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat enjoy some pornography.
A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat (as Polt used to call him) thought that it was a grand idea, as he had just finished “banging Margaret Cho ‘old-school style’ in the oval office while both Florence Nightingale and Florence Henderson watched.” Polt commended the President on his stellar cocksmanship and wished him a good evening.
The next day, President Lincoln called a special joint session of Congress (it was on a Saturday!) where all the Democrats and douchey Republicans argued about Polt’s idea of Asian Sex Friday. George Washington thought it might be a little “too controversial” and Bill Clinton was concerned that he would only be allowed to have sex once a year. At one point, Al Sharpton just started screaming “racist!” over and over again.
After years of debate, temper tantrums and filibustering (oh, and we can’t forget Polt’s daily nagging messages on Facebook), Congress decided to officially name the day after Thanksgiving: “Butt Sex with a Latin, Indian, Spanish, Caucasian, African, Arabic or Black Friday.” Polt and A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat celebrated the naming of the official holiday by going to see ‘How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying’ on Broadway. In the middle of the performance, Harry Potter zapped A Local Celebrity, President Top Hat in the head with his wand and assassinated him. Bummer!
Over the years, the name of the day after Thanksgiving has been shortened to: “Black Friday.” The meaning has also changed slightly, as it is now associated with shopping. (Because everyone knows that shopping is better than sex!)
And that’s how Black Friday really came to be!
Happy Black Friday Birthday, Polt!
Woohoo, today is Thanksgiving! Are you spending the day with your family? Watching the parade? Stuffing your face with dead animals? Falling asleep early because you’re stoned out of your mind on tryptophan? Need a break from all that crap? Instead of a fourth slice of pumpkin pie, teat yourself to a Thanksgiving-themed Have You Ever?! quiz! Yayyz!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your 
points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever spent a Thanksgiving away from your family?
2. Have you ever celebrated Thanksgiving alone?
3. Have you ever attended the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City?
4. Have you ever sat through the entire Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on television?
5. Have you ever watched football on Thanksgiving?
6. Have you ever come out of the closet to anyone during Thanksgiving dinner?
7. Have you ever cried on Thanksgiving?
8. Have you ever made your mom cry on Thanksgiving?
9. Have you ever been forced (or forced others) to recite what they’re grateful for?
10. Have you ever single-handedly cooked a Thanksgiving dinner?
11. Have you ever not eaten turkey on Thanksgiving?
12. Have you ever slid jellied cranberry sauce out of a can?
13. Have you ever dropped a dish while bringing it to the table OR while passing it around the table?
14. Have you ever needed to find an open supermarket on Thanksgiving because you (or someone else) forgot or messed something up?
15. Have you ever consumed at least two forkfuls of EVERY dish on the table?
16. Have you ever eaten an entire pie in one sitting?
17. Have you ever fallen asleep mid-Thanksgiving dinner due to a tryptophan overdose?
18. Have you ever ate so much on Thanksgiving that you felt sick?
19. Have you ever vomited after eating Thanksgiving dinner?
20. Have you ever clogged the toilet after taking a massive Thanksgiving dump?
21. Have you ever gotten drunk on Thanksgiving?
22. Have you ever gotten high on Thanksgiving?
23. Have you ever given a hand or blow job underneath the Thanksgiving table?
24. Have you ever received a hand or blow job underneath the 
Thanksgiving table?
25. Have you ever had sex (any kind) on Thanksgiving?
Well? HAVE YOU? Tell us your total in the comments.
I had planned to write this post earlier in the week, when I was alert and eager. Naturally I procrastinated and now end up working on it the night of Thanksgiving. This is not the best way to blog, or do anything really. After hours of consuming food, alcohol and tryptophan, my body only wants to be asleep. Or at least in some semiconscious state while a movie plays on the television. So this Friday I will give thanks for three things, a tradition that will henceforth be known as the Three Thankses Given After Thanksgiving of Cocky & Rude.
Turkey is a great thing to be thankful for. I don’t know if it is the smell it makes while roasting or its delicious flavor, but turkey always makes me happy. At least until I’m tired of leftovers.
The best thing to pair a nicely cooked turkey is a lovely bottle of wine or more accurately three bottles of wine. I’m a sucker for any type but the best I had this year was a rather surprising Cranberry wine. It was a tad sweeter than I usually take my wine, but the tartness was amazing.
After sleeping off my wine and turkey, I’ll be happy that I am not stupid enough to go shopping on this day. I’m very thankful that I have the common sense to stay away from screaming crowds of women trying to get that last item. Every year I find the lust for day after Thanksgiving shopping more and more disconcerting.
So there you have my trytophanatical thankses, folks. What are you thankful for?
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Have You Ever … While Holiday Shopping?!
The rules are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point.
When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!
1. Have you ever gone from store to store looking for a particular item while holiday shopping?
2. Have you ever paid extra for a highly sought-after item while holiday shopping?
6. Have you ever used a price comparison app on your smart phone or mobile device while holiday shopping to make sure that you get the best deals?
11. Have you ever done all of your holiday shopping in a single day?
16. Have you ever holiday shopped on Black Friday?
22. Have you ever swiped something from another shopper’s cart while holiday shopping?
3. Have you ever spent more money than you were intending while holiday shopping?
4. Have you ever spent more money on yourself than on others while holiday shopping?
5. Have you ever made a commitment to only shop locally or in non-chain stores while holiday shopping?
7. Have you ever skipped traditional holiday shopping and made all of your own holiday gifts?
8. Have you ever donated to charities instead of going holiday shopping?
9. Have you ever done all of your holiday shopping online?
10. Have you ever done all of your holiday shopping at a single store?
12. Have you ever done all of your holiday shopping at a convenience store or gas station?
13. Have you ever completed your holiday shopping before December?
14. Have you ever procrastinated until Christmas Eve to do your holiday shopping?
15. Have you ever outsourced your holiday shopping to a family member or significant other?
17. Have you ever holiday shopped on Cyber Monday?
18. Have you ever been rude to a store employee while holiday shopping?
19. Have you ever demanded to speak to a manager while holiday shopping?
20. Have you ever gotten into a screaming match with another customer while holiday shopping?
21. Have you ever gotten into a physical fight with another customer while holiday shopping?
23. Have you ever started crying while holiday shopping?
24. Have you ever shoplifted while holiday shopping?
25. Have you ever had sex (with a significant other, store worker, complete stranger, etc.) while holiday shopping?
Tell us your total in the comments!
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