Cocky&Rude

Many of you know that I work as a graphic artist in the newspaper business.  While my office doesn’t really resemble the newspaper offices that you see on TV and in the movies (constant hustle and bustle, a screaming editor, papers flying everywhere), we still operate under tight and strict deadlines.  If the paper is late and we miss our press time, it can cost the company a lot of money.  And with the dwindling newspaper market and the current economy, I don’t want to be responsible for that.  Outside of work, I’m almost always on the move.  Whether it’s my weekly volunteer work, freelance projects, blogging, and splitting my free time between my boyfriend, my family and the rest of my friends… I’m always putting myself under pressure to do more, more, MORE!

But I know that I’m not that special.  Everyone faces countless stresses each day, and somehow we all seem to survive.  This post isn’t about how I cool down after a stressful situation.  Everyone knows that exercise, meditation, relaxation, resting, and all that other crap are great ways to deal with stress after-the-fact.  This blog post is about how I behave during stressful situations.

EXTREME FOCUS
I like to think that I always remain completely focused under pressure.  And in reality, I am actually quite good at focusing my energy and skills on the task at hand.  That is, until someone or something breaks my focus.  When I’m very busy at work, it drives me crazy when people stand next to my desk and chit chat about stupid things.  I’m busy and I don’t care about your dumb children or what your plans for the weekend are.  It’s going to snow?!  Seriously?!  I don’t care.  There are better places to talk about your stupid life than right next to my desk.

BECOME FURIOUS
There’s a old family heirloom that’s been passed down from generation to generation, which I usually keep hidden deep within me.  It’s my crazy, lunatic, fire-breathing, Earth-scorching temper.  Growing up and seeing this temper manifest itself in other family members, I’ve always vowed that it would never escape.  When I’m stressed out, I can feel the steam escaping from my ears.  The fire bubbling up within my chest.  My vision turns red.  My body temperature raises… but that’s it.  In my adult life, I don’t think it’s ever made it any further.  It pounds on the exit door, but it has never manifested itself in words or actions.  People say that keeping these emotions bottled up inside isn’t good for you.  Trust me, it is good for you.

USE LOTS OF PROFANITY
Okay, so my temper doesn’t really escape, but little spurts of steam may occasionally escape from the boiling kettle that is my mouth.  I like to curse.  Some people view a person with a foul mouth as uneducated and unrefined.  I like to think of it as just another way to express myself.  And when I’m stressed, dropping a few F-bombs here and there helps.  I’ve also been referring to a lot of people as ‘sluts’ a lot lately.  While driving: “GET OUT OF MY WAY, YOU STUPID SLUT!!!!”  I’m not really sure when and why that started happening…

EAT, EAT, EAT!
It’s not really conducive to our weight loss competition, but I often stress eat.  I also depression eat, happiness eat, Wednesday eat, morning eat, afternoon eat, evening eat, rainy day eat, sunny day eat, cloudy day eat, and sometimes I just eat.  I may not look that fat, but my exterior self is constantly at war with my 800lb interior self.  And as I’m stressing my way through life, it’s hard not to just eat everything in sight.

PROCRASTINATE
I can’t remember the last deadline that I’ve missed, but that’s not to say that I don’t procrastinate.  When I have a daunting freelance project to complete by the end of a day, I often spend most of that day watching TV, cleaning my house and napping.  Then I work like a crazy person to finish the project right on time.  All the while thinking of other ways to procrastinate.

And then I’ll start cursing, focusing, eating, getting angry, procrastinating more, and then cursing even more.  I’m not saying that my methods are healthy… but I’ve lasted this long, so they can’t be that bad.  So what do you do when you’re stressed?  Run away?  Ignore it?  Cry?  Pull out your own hair?  Or maybe you never experience stress.  You just float around on a cloud of happiness every day without a care in the world.  If that’s the case, then please don’t bother commenting on this blog post.  You’re a slut, and I fucking hate you!  But if you’re like me and you experience stress in your life, then tell me all about what you do in the comments.  I’ll catch up with you later — I gotta go find a snack…

Photos were all taken with Cameroid.com.