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Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3: Week 6

Our fifth week is complete! Today our contestants celebrate five weeks into the cockiest and rudest weight loss competition evahhhh! It’s Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3!

Our dieters are doing great! Have you ever wondered what their average meal looks like? This week we invited each of our contestants to submit a photo and a description of a meal that they’re particularly proud of. Here’s what they’re eating:


Mikey
The food pictured here is your typical diet food: tasteless and full of vegetables. Sometimes vegetables have flavor. These do not. These are the lengths I have gone to in order to lose weight…which appears to be stopping at the moment.


TwoPi
Weight loss did a bit of backtracking this week, which isn’t so surprising. Work is getting stressful (end of semester), and I’ve had some lapses of the between-meal snacking variety. I should have planned my photo better and gotten images from earlier nights cooking Mollie Katzen dishes, but instead it was “oh no I need to photograph what we’re eating TONIGHT” and so here is a pretty typical meal: homemade split pea soup and cornbread. Healthy in that there is fairly little fat (apart from what goes into the cornbread dough itself) and there are lots of veggies in the soup, which is thick enough so that one cup is quite filling.


Polt
This week, it’s our Meal Plan. Upon starting the competition, I had no meal plan, none at all. Since then, my new doctor has thrown me on low to no carb diet, so now, yes, I DO have a meal plan. Here is a typical meal: twice baked potato (37 grams of carbs) (I’m allowed 45 per meal), steak (although there’s also been a lot of ham, burger patties, and sausages), a small side salad (having one of those with EVERY meal), Diet Coke, and the current book I’m reading. I do not, however, eat the book, I just read it while eating. And yes, this is basically what my meals consist of nowadays (although asparagus or green beans take the place of the potato).


Ryan
I’ve been continuing my culinary experiments. The photo shows off my latest trial before I cooked it. My goal was to increase the beans to non-beans ratio and therefore the protein to carbohydrate ratio, and that was a success. However, cooking that much stuff at once is pushing the limit of my Crock Pot, and the black beans made everything else a lot less colorful. I think next time I will cook the non-beans separately.


Tam
Okay, so I was a total loser and didn’t know about the picture thing, so here is a mock-up of a meal I had. Steak, rice and roasted orange cauliflower. My steak didn’t look quite like that, but close enough. That’s pretty typical. We do eat pretty healthy. Breakfast is usually cereal or toast and juice, lunch is either a salad or sandwich with fruit and dinner is a protein, carb and vegetable. I’m really frustrated though because I have been so good for nearly 2 weeks, recording everything I’ve eaten, am ALWAYS under the total allowed and this week, nothing. Arrgghh. I’m considering trying the Polt diet. Maybe I need to go low-carb and shock my system into realizing it’s not playing fair.


Mr. Sombrero
I am very proud of this meal because it looks like a pool of barf, and C&R readers can appreciate a good barf pic. Apart from the snacks (which are my downfall), my meals are pretty healthy. Granted, they are not always vegan, but I try. :D


Michelle M.
This was my dinner Tuesday night. Half a turkey burger light (Harry had the other half) with bbq sauce and a side of steamed vegetables. I was going to submit a photo of a vegetable stir fry, a light pasta, or a soup or something, but I didn’t feel like cooking that night. In general, my meals (especially the ones I cook) are healthy – it’s the junk I snack on at night that is turning me into fat Betty.


Adam
This is a dinner that I make every week or so. What you’re looking at: grilled tempeh (grilled on my George Foreman Grill), avocado, broccoli, grape tomatoes, cubanelle peppers, baby carrots, baby portabella mushrooms and mixed greens. All that is topped with a mix of balsamic vinegar and a little bit of olive oil, some spices and a shake of ground flax seeds. I gave up all soda (diet and otherwise) a few weeks ago, so that’s unsweetened iced tea in the glass. My issue has always been snacking on junk food AFTER dinner … but I’ve been trying to give that up too. Maybe my straight line on the chart will actually move next week!


And now the week’s results:

Stay tuned each Thursday for the stunning weight-loss success stories of our eight contestants. Who will win this year’s competition? Find out on May 31st … just in time for bikini season!

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The Taco Bell Challenge!

So over drinks on Saturday, I told Harry I think I can eat 10 Taco Bell tacos.
He doesn’t believe that this is possible.

So tomorrow I prove him wrong! What do you think? Just how many tacos* can I demolish? Let me know in the poll below and tune in on Wednesday to see Harry’s total utter and complete humiliation.

*crispy beef taco, beef only (no cheese, no lettuce) with one packet of hot sauce per taco.
That’s how I roll.


My biggest fan.

10 Things To Do Before The World Ends

In case you haven’t heard … the end of the world is nearly upon us.  This Saturday, at 6pm EST, there will be a word-wide earthquake and God will Hoover all of his followers up to heaven. The rest of us sinners and non-believers will then be tormented with “hell on Earth” for 5 months until which time God will completely destroy Earth and the universe on October 21st.  That’s all according to the 91-year-old lunatic and president of the evangelical broadcast Family Radio, Harold Camping.  He and his followers have been spreading their word all over billboards, newspaper ads, protest signs and bus benches for quite a while now.

So just in case God skips over you when he’s rapturing all his followers up into the clouds (oh, and by the way, Camping hates the gays) … here are 10 suggestions for what you should spend your time doing over the next 5 months.

1. Take out as many loans and accept as many credit card offers as possible.  If you’re like me, you get credit card offers in your mailbox almost every day.  Why not accept … them all.  Also, visit every bank in town and take anything that they’re willing to loan you.  It’s not like you’ll ever have to pay any of it back!

2. Quit your job and ignore all of your responsibilities.  Jobs are for broke suckers that are planning for their future.  You only have 5 more months, and if you followed step #1, you’re loaded.  Why deal with those annoying coworkers and all the rest of your non-fun responsibilities if you don’t have to?  Quit!  Quit immediately!

3. Have lots and lots and lots and lots of sex. Whether it’s with your one true love, or you’re just banging every man, woman or goat in town … do it a lot.  Sex feels good, and if you only have 5 more months to enjoy it, then you better start sexifying every willing participant in sight.

4. Only eat food that’s delicious, even if it’s bad for you.  Drink a lot, and take up smoking.  Maybe even try some drugs.  Mmmm cookies, candy, vodka, cigarettes and acid.  They’re now the only food groups you need!

5. Spit in the faces of all your enemies. Walk up to them one at a time, and simply spit into their faces.  It’ll make you good, I promise.

6. Travel and see everything you’ve always wanted to see.  Assuming that all the roads aren’t jammed with other non-believers and the airplane pilots haven’t all been raptured, it’s time to travel.  You’re rich, so it’s time to travel the world.  Just avoid all of the steamping pits of lava and that whole “hell on Earth” thing.

7. Stop shaving. Oh wait … I hardly ever do that anyway.

8. Break some stuff.  Store windows.  Church windows.  Car windows.  All windows.  Mirrors, sculptures, crystal vases, plates, art, chandeliers, expensive things, national monuments… they’re all on my list.

9. Punch horrible people in the face. Donald Trump.  Sarah Palin.  Justin Bieber.  George W. Bush.  Glenn Beck, Michele Bachmann, Rush Limbaugh, Jay Leno, Muammar Gaddafi. You’re all on my list!

10. Eat meat.  See what you’ve been missing all this time.  It’s all gunna die anyway…

11. OOPS!  And I almost forgot: Spend a lot of time with the people you love.  So what are you going to do during the next (and last) five months of your life?  Assuming, of course, that God doesn’t slurp you up to heaven tomorrow.

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