August 9, 2011
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Let’s face it. Vaginas aren’t the only sex organs that are gross. Penises are also pretty dang disgusting! And after such a fantastic response from my 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are Gross post last month, it’s only fair to turn the tables. Here’s 10 reasons why penises are also gross:
1. They dangle between your legs and look like the bastard cousin of an elephant trunk!
2. They often hang a bit to one side.
3. They shrink when it’s cold!
4. They get bigger and rigid when they’re happy … what’s the deal with that?
5. When they get really happy, they squirt!
6. Pee comes out of them!
7. Some of them are wearing turtlenecks, and some of them
look like funny-looking mushrooms.
8. If they’re not properly washed, they can be smelly and covered with smegma!
And don’t get me started on sweaty balls! Eww!
9. WTF is the deal with balls? They’re hairy and weird looking!
10. They dangle in the toilet when take take a poo!
Oh who am I kidding? This list was hard to come up with because penises are great! I take it all back!
July 6, 2011
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In case you were not aware, I’m what scientists refer to as a “homosexual.” In layman’s terms, that means that I’m a guy that is sexually attracted to other guys. Females of the species need not apply. And unlike many of my homosexual brothers, I have never tasted (nor stuck my aroused unit into) the mysterious pink wonderland that is known as a “vagina.” Why not? Simply put: vaginas are gross! Here’s 10 reasons why:
1. They’re foreign! What is that thing? It looks like a mess of flappy skin with a hole in the middle. Ew!
2. What’s in there? Teeth? I saw that movie … it was quite eye-opening.
3. They’re smelly! I hear that they often smell of fish sticks and cabbage that has sat in the sun for a bit too long.
4. Yeast infections! I’m not even sure what a yeast infection is … but ew! Wash that thing out once and a while!
5. Periods! Menstrual cycle? Yuck! Why is there blood dripping out of your vagina?
If it’s bleeding, then maybe you should just let it die!
6. Babies come out of them! WTF! How does a freak’n baby fit through that hole? That’s disgusting!
7. The clitoris. Straight guys can’t find it … I don’t even know what it is!
And upon research … is it just a tiny penis?
8. Queefs? My dick never farts … why are there farts coming from your frontside?
9. How do they work? Where does the penis go? Where does the pee come out of?
Can Google Maps help me? Please?
10. It’s not a penis! ‘Nuff said!