The other day I came across a macabre, yet interesting blog – Dead Man Eating. It features the last meals of prisoners condemned to death. In the event that Mr. M. cheats on me or Adam shares another stupid vagina-hate post, I will most likely be enjoying a last meal of my own.
I’m probably going to be a little depressed and anxious about sitting in Old Sparky, so I’d like to share my last supper with some people who will lift my spirits. Here are some of my favorite comedians who will keep me laughing all the way down that green mile. By the way, I’m going to see the hilarious Kathy Griffin this month! Second row! If you’re not totally jealous, there is something wrong with you.
I gave a ridiculous amount of thought into what I want my last meal to be.
I will start with a couple of Godiva’s milk chocolate caramels, then gnosh on some nuts (macadamia, Brazil and pecans are my favorites). Next, I’ll have a few handfuls of Lay’s potato chips and Tostito’s Hint of Lime chips (aka: the devil’s chips). Oh my god, I love bread and butter! I think the Outback’s bread is deeelicious – I can eat it forever. I’ll be wanting a nice juicy steak, too (suck it Adam. Woohoo! Kathy Griffin!). And french fries – greasy and salty, please. A tomato salad sounds tasty, as does corn on the cob with enough butter to bring Paula Deen to orgasm – gotta make sure to eat my veggies (right, Polt?). Chicken in brandy peppercorn sauce is next on the list, followed by mashed potatoes (food of the gods). I must have some grilled pineapple, too. I’ll wash this all down with fruity cocktails (and keep ‘em coming)! For dessert I’d like a piece chocolate cake with ice cream and a slice of cherry pie. And finally, a wafer thin-mint.
So, what would you like your last meal to be? And with whom would you like to share it? Let me know in the comments!
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
REBECCA BLACK
Date of Birth: June 21, 1997 Place of Birth: Anaheim Hills, CA Residence: With her parents, John Jeffery Black and Georgina Marquez Kelly Relationship Status: Presumably single, possibly dating one of the boys in the video Regional Accent: Californian Auto-Tune Occupation: Singer(?) Favorite Rapper: Patrice Wilson What time do you wake up in the morning: 7AM (gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs) Favorite Breakfast food: cereal Favorite underage driving destination: slow highways with cities in the background, parking lots, parties near trees with rainbow lighting Favorite day of the week to git down on: FRIDAY Do you look forward to the weekend?: we so excited! Which seat can you take? (Front seat or back seat): undecided (“which seat can I taaaaaakeee?”) Favorite curse word: none
Viral (pop?) star, Rebecca Black burst onto the Internet scene in March of 2011 after recording her hit song, Friday. Reportedly costing her mother a whopping $4000, the “vanity release” has since spawned countless spoofs and covers by the cast of Glee, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, The Roots and Taylor Hick, Nick Jonas, Katy Perry, Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter, and Justin Bieber. The video features an excessive use of Auto-Tune, underage driving, a whole lot of “fun, fun fun, fun, partying, partying, yeah!”, a rap interlude by co-producer Patrice Wilson, bad haircuts, a disregard for car safety, and a brace-face named Benni Cinkle. Rebecca’s weapons are numerous and include a convertible driven by minors, rainbow colored party lights, Benni Crinkle bites, and ear shattering Auto-Tuning. It should also be noted that Rebecca may or may not be able to shoot lasers from her sizable mole. Beware!
KRISTEN, “THE KID”
Also known as: Dieter Vonsnizenhauzerkrank (i can’t believe I’m admitting this) Alias: ‘Lil Meezy Date of Birth: May 28 Place of Birth: Ottawa, Canada Residence: With my mom Relationship Status: Mentally dating various celebrities Regional Accent: Canadian, eh? Occupation: Forever Unemployed Height & Weight: Not tall enough & a little too much Favorite Rapper: S-L-I-M S-H-A-D-Y What time do you wake up in the morning: Too early for any human being Favorite Breakfast food: bagels, bagels and more bagels. Favorite underage driving destination: The Bagel Shoppe Favorite day of the week to git down on: THURSDAY!!!!!!!!!!! Do you look forward to the weekend?: Only if there’s PARTYING involved Favorite place to party: The Slytherin Common Room Which seat can you take? (Front seat or back seat): Front seat. I demand riding shotgun Favorite curse word: BULLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daughter of Tam (last week’s C&R Fight Clubwinner), Kristen (more commonly referred to as “The Kid”), hails from Ottawa, Canada. Like your average teen girl, “The Kid” attends school, enjoys riding a pony named Sprinkles, dreams of one day becoming a ballet dancer, and loves watching Jersey Shore(she’s seen every episode!), and The Food Network. Kristen’s favorite movies include Hitchcock’s Rope, Vertigo, Rear Window, and Psycho — so she’s clearly no stranger to murder and intrigue. It may seem like “The Kid” fights in the shadow of her mother’s battle, but don’t be fooled … she shines bright! Her secret weapons include Sprinkles the Pony (who may or may not be rabid), an endless supply of bagels (don’t let the holes fool you, they hurt when they hit you!), The Situation’s abs of steel, Snooki (who may or may not be rabid), and her favorite hockey team: the Pittsburgh Penguins. Don’t mess with Dieter Vonsnizenhauzerkrank!!!
Who will win in the battle of Friday vs. Thursday? Will Rebecca Black ignore her 2,710,134+ YouTube dislikes and Auto-Tune herself all the way to victory? Or will “The Kid” trample her opponent to death with Sprinkles the Pony? We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday at noon for the results!
Thanks to Kristen & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
Welcome to the Friday Five, where I examine my five favorites of the week!
It’s been a long time since I’ve presented you with my five favorites of the week. When Mikey grabbed the Friday Five reigns a while back, I just sorta abandoned the idea and let him roll with it. But I know that you’ve all been waiting for this day. You’ve woken up early each Friday, wondering whether or not you’d ever see one of Adam’s Friday Fives again. Each week, utter disappointment happiness? when you find another of Mikey’s Friday Fives greeting your sight holes with a mix of humor and web videos. Well, ladies and germs … THE WAIT IS OVER. I’M TAKING THIS MOTHERFU¢K’N B!TCH BACK TO WHERE IT BELONGS. HERE IS ADAM’S FRIDAY FIVE!!!!!*
First up this week is Conan O’Brien. I’ve been a fan of Conan since his days nights on Late Night, I followed him to The Tonight Show, and now I watch him every night on his self-titled TBS show. Together with his sidekick, Andy Richter, Conan never fails to crack me up and put me to bed in a good mood. This week featured Beardpocalypse, where after weeks of threats, Will Ferrel shaved off Conan’s awesome ginger beard. It left him looking oddly thin and about 30 years younger, but just as funny.
Another beardless favorite this week is Barack Obama. And no, it’s not because of him. It’s because of what he said about this guy. If you haven’t seen the portion of President Obama’s 2011 White House Correspondents’ Dinner speech, then you have to check it out. I laughed a lot … but I don’t think that Donald Trump shared in my amusement. Enjoy!
My cat, Spring has always been a little “special” … but this week she’s been acting downright INSANE. I’m not sure if it’s the open windows in my house or the fact that I’ve turned off the heat, but she’s been acting wayyyy weirder than normal. She goes from super-affectionate (not normally her style), to ballistic attack (more her style), to running around the house like a maniac, viciously chasing her tail, and then standing in the kitchen and meowing at the ceiling. I’m thoroughly enjoying the entertainment … but jeez girl, chill the frick out!
My favorite new show right now is Happy Endings, and you should be watching it! It’s a sitcom on ABC (sorry Polt, I’m not referring to a porno or that thing you pay an extra few bucks for at the end of a massage), and stars Elisha Cuthbert (24), Damon Wayans Jr. (his dad is Damon Wayans), Zachary Knighton (FlashFoward), Eliza Coupe (Scrubs), Casey Wilson (Saturday Night Live), and Adam Pally (his IMBD resumé is kinda unimpressive). Happy Endings is kinda like Seinfeld, meets Friends, meets 2011, meets awesome writing and hilarious comedy. Plus Adam Pally’s character, Max, is so non-stereotypically gay that it adds a level of refreshing realism that a lot of shows with gay characters are missing. So next time you’re watching Modern Family and Cougar Town, leave the television on for a bit longer and check out Happy Endings! I promise it’s great!
And in the final spotlight of this week’s Friday Five are … mangoes. Why? Because they were on sale this week at my local grocery store, and they’re FREAK’N DELICIOUS. I’ve watched all sorts of YouTube videos that teach me how to cut mangoes — but every time I eat one, I just give up. I tear into it, peeling of skin, and biting at it like a ferocious animal. When I’m finished, there’s a pile of skin and giant pit sitting in a puddle of mango juice. My hands are wet and sticky, my mouth is dripping with sweet juice (calm down Polt), and I have all sorts of mango fibers stuck in my teeth. MMMMM MANGOES!
So that’s my Friday Five for this week: ConanO’Brien, BarackObama, My Insane Cat, Happy Endings, and Mangoes. What’s your Friday Five?
*Note: Mikey is welcome to take back the Friday Five next week. That whole opening paragraph was basically bullshit. Actually, this whole post was basically bullshit. We know that the only C&R posts you truly enjoy are Have You Ever?! quizzes and C&R Fight Club matches. The rest is just in-between filler.
First up this week is 
Another beardless favorite this week is Barack Obama. And no, it’s not because of 
My cat, Spring has always been a little “special” … but this week she’s been acting downright INSANE. I’m not sure if it’s the open windows in my house or the fact that I’ve turned off the heat, but she’s been acting wayyyy weirder than normal. She goes from super-affectionate (not normally her style), to ballistic attack (more her style), to running around the house like a maniac, viciously chasing her tail, and then standing in the kitchen and meowing at the ceiling. I’m thoroughly enjoying the entertainment … but jeez girl, chill the frick out!
My favorite new show right now is 
And in the final spotlight of this week’s Friday Five are … mangoes. Why? Because they were on sale this week at my local grocery store, and they’re FREAK’N DELICIOUS. I’ve watched all sorts of 
Recent Comments