I spent a lot of time in my car this weekend as I carted my friends and family all over the the tri-state area. All my time behind the wheel got me to thinking about all the cars I’ve owned over the years. I’ve been driving since I was legally old enough, and my adventures behind the wheel have been numerous! I’ve had seven cars, and I’m only 30! check it out…
Dodge Aries K
Everyone loved the K-Cars of the ’80s, and I was no exception. My first car was a hand-me-down that stunk like my older brother’s cigarette smoke. My father spent weeks getting the car ready for me, and once he was done, it only took me about three weeks to crash it. Hey, I was a new driver and my time/distance judgment hadn’t developed yet. And I may have pulled out in front of an old lady, but I still hold her at least 50% responsible, since she had plenty of time to break. But instead, she plowed right into the driver’s side of the car and totaled it.
Dodge Omni
Burgundy cars proved a bad idea for Adam. My second car was a cute little hatchback that I bought for $100. The former owner had died and his son wanted it out of his driveway. It needed a little work (get to work, dad!) and on the two occasions that I had to drive it, it stalled constantly. Then my father was installing a new CD player, and due to “frayed wires under the dash” the car caught fire and had to be towed away.
Ford Tempo
The Tempo was a good, reliable, yet ugly car that got me back and forth to most of my four years of college. I never really liked this car… but it did its job.
Ford Taurus
Who wouldn’t want to drive this powder blue love machine? ME! This was another hand-me-down from my older brother. The plan was that I would take this newer Taurus and my younger brother would take my old Tempo. But the first time I drove the Taurus was one day before I was scheduled to have surgery and I found myself broken down and stranded for HOURS after a coolant hose sprung a leak. I wanted my Tempo back!
Ford Tempo, Part 2
I never realized how much I LOVED this car! The reliability! The gray/ugly style! The lack of breaking down and stranding me in a parking lot! I treasured my Tempo until the day that I rear-ended some lady when I wasn’t paying attention. Oops!
Honda Accord
I always loved my Honda Accord. It was green, style’n, peppy, fun and the radio had a lot of bass. But after a few years of wear and tear, it started to slowly die. First to go? The driver’s side power window. I was the guy at the toll booth that had to stop and open his door. The it needed expensive repairs. I ended up selling it (I think I got like $500 for it) and buying my mom’s car…
Ford Taurus
This car was the anti-Adam. It was a gas guzzler and the inside was covered in leather. Yuck! I hated this car — but at least it was powerful and had working windows. But once I got a real job and saved some money, it was time to trade in this awful car for…
Honda Fit
My first brand new car! It’s red, it gets good gas mileage and it’s zippy! Plus the horn is nice and loud when I road rage against every car that gets in my way. I love that I can stuff nearly everything I own in the back (as long as I take lots of trips). I hope it lasts forever (because that’s how long I’ll be paying for it)!
So I’ve had seven cars… how many have you had? Any good car accident stories? What’s the favorite car that you’ve owned? Let’s pretend we’re all motor-heads and car-talk it up in the comments. Honk! Honk!
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Have You Ever… Shat?!
1. vulgar. Expel feces from the body.
2. vulgar. Soil one’s clothes as a result of expelling feces accidentally.
The rules to Have You Ever?! are simple: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
1. Have you ever shat in a toilet?
7. Have you ever shat while watching TV?
15. Have you ever shat in the woods?
22. Have you ever shat during sex?
2. Have you ever shat because you were scared?
3. Have you ever shat while reading?
4. Have you ever shat while sending a text message?
5. Have you ever shat while talking on the telephone?
6. Have you ever shat while surfing the Internet?
8. Have you ever shat while tweeting?
9. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in your own home?
10. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in someone else’s home?
11. Have you ever shat so much that it clogged a toilet in a public restroom?
12. Have you ever shat on the side of the road?
13. Have you ever shat in a porta-potty?
14. Have you ever shat in an outhouse?
16. Have you ever shat in your pants by accident?
17. Have you ever shat your pants because you couldn’t get to the bathroom fast enough?
18. Have you ever shat your pants while driving?
19. Have you ever shat into your hand?
20. Have you ever shat in a shower or bathtub?
21. Have you ever shat in a brown paper bag with the intent to light it on fire on someone’s doorstep?
23. Have you ever shat while receiving or performing fellatio (or cunnilingus) on the toilet?
24. Have you ever shat while having sex on the toilet?
25. Have you ever shat onto someone else?
Now go take a shit, wipe, pull up your pants, wash your hands, come back to the computer, and then tell us your total in the comments!
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