August 26, 2011
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Adam and Michelle’s friendly five divided by two post last week inspired me to explore the math of the amazing number five. I know you have come to love (or loathe) my awesome super fantastic five videos to watch posts, but I’m getting tired of them. Luckily I was just on vacation and I was inspired to write the five best things about vacation and the five worst things about coming back from vacation. That’s the good news. The bad news is that you will have to wait an entire week to read all of these things because like any good blogger I have divided them up into two posts to make my life easier. So without further ado, I give you the five betterest best things about vacation.
Ok. So I know that I have been a strong advocate for banning summer all together. Something about the fact that I sweat and cry whenever the temperature gets above 50 degrees outside makes you wonder why I would say something zany like the sun is awesome. But when you are on vacation, you sit on the beach reading a book in the sun. This is inherently awesome. It combines my geekiness with my laziness. Score!
Some people take a vacation and don’t make their brains do anything. I take a vacation and allow my brain to go into hyperdrive. I don’t even read beach fluff or anything; I go hardcore and read four relatively deep books. I loved it! Sure some people would think reading about poverty, abuse, Nazis and sexual repression are terrible things to read on the beach. Thankfully I am not them.
Not having to get up to go to work has its benefits. The primary one being that I get to sleep like it is the weekend all the time. Yet unlike the weekend wherein I sleep in and then pay for it on Monday morning, I got to relax and just enjoy a prolonged period of getting up when I god damn feel like it. This is the superb.
When on vacation, I take the chance to eat anything and everything. I go highbrow and lowbrow with my caloric intake. You might recall that my beach vacation is well known for the consumption of cheese balls, but you probably didn’t know that we added a new cheesy concoction to the mix: Combos! After all that faux cheese, I also enjoyed real cheese on sandwiches and tacos and in lasagna. I also ate the most magical food ever: Hush puppies. Yay!
I have been blessed to be able to go on a few trips recently. Between Jeopardy!, the cruise, and the beach vacation there has been one common thread: good company = an amazing time. Spending time with the people I love doing the four things above (not all of them with all of them) is one of the most amazing things I could have ever expected.
That’s it folks. My vacation was so awesome that I had to write about it. In a week you will remember this fondly as we trudge through why vacations ending is like the apocalypse. Until then, share your thoughts on my vacation bests and some thoughts about your vacation bests, too!
April 11, 2011
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I have a theory: douche-bags don’t read Cocky & Rude. It’s just a theory — but I want to be sure. Here at Cocky & Rude, we accept all readers and if you’re a douche-bag, we’ll still love you! You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever…
1. Have you ever had a fake tan?
2. Have you ever sported highly stylized facial hair?
3. Have you ever put way too much gel in your hair?
4. Have you ever had frosted tips?
5. Have you ever worn bling?
6. Have you ever worn ridiculous looking sunglasses?
7. Have you ever worn your sunglasses indoors?
8. Have you ever popped your collar?
9. Have you ever worn a baseball hat with the brim to the side?
10. Have you ever worn a wife-beater as a shirt?
11. Have you ever kept a bluetooth headset on your ear for most of the day?
12. Have you ever spent all your time at the gym?
13. Have you ever had giant, ridiculous muscles?
14. Have you ever driven a ridiculous, tricked-out car?
15. Have you ever been a fratboy?
16. Have you ever littered?
17. Have you ever called a waitress or hostess a “sweetheart”?
18. Have you ever behaved obnoxiously in public?
19. Have you ever been called an egomaniac?
20. Have you ever thought that you were God’s gift to the human race?
21. Have you ever abused your girlfriend or boyfriend?
22. Have you ever considered “GTL” a way of life?
23. Have you ever appeared in an episode of Jersey Shore?
24. Have you ever seen your own photo on hotchickswithdouchebags.com?
25. Have you ever been filled with liquid and used to cleanse a horribly dirty vagina or rectum?
Now tell us the truth! We’ll still love you! Are you a douche?
February 24, 2011
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Most of you think that Craig (the occasional Puntabulous blogger) is a really nice guy. He’s always hamming it up with his girlfriend Natalie, telling you why Captain Picard is cooler than Han Solo and having you guess how much change is in his bathroom jar. But I know the truth!
CRAIG IS MEAN!
And lately — completely unprovoked! — he’s been sending me these sketches to lower my self esteem.
I thought that you should all know the truth. Craig is an AWFUL person!
And I’ve never been anything but nice to the boy! Short of a restraining order, what can I do?
Is there anything I can do to stop this abuse?