Hey everyone, Craig here! For months we were titillated with the identity of Adam’s significant other, the elusive Mr. Sombrero. It wasn’t until he and Adam went on a trip to the exotic locale of Sandy Hook, New Jersey that we finally got our first glimpse of the man behind the feline sombrero. And there was one thing that stood out about this man. He was hot. Like, really hot. Like, what the fuck was he doing with the ginger turdbagel known as Adam? Clearly Adam is unworthy the hotness that is Mr. Sombrero and I’ve made it my duty to save him from Adam’s repulsiveness and show him what it’s like to be loved by a real man. Me. So I’ve asked everyone’s favorite Photoshop goddess Michelle M. to help me show Mr. Sombrero all the pleasures that dating me could bring to his life:
We could run along the beach with lens flare!
We could ride a tandem bike!
We could go to fairs and feed each other cotton candy right after you do one of those games where you hit the weight with the hammer and set off the bell and win me an adorable pink bunny rabbit!
I could sing you love songs that rival all the birds in the sky!
We can stay up late watching Battlestar Galactica romantic comedies!
Or only watch a few minutes before more carnal pleasures take over. Wink.
And then in the morning we could look positively fabulous while we have breakfast and you remind me how amazing I was the previous night.
And when I’m super rich and famous, you can accompany me on all the fancy red carpet events I’m invited to!
Or we could star in our own private Cialis commercial!
And if none of those things appeal to you, we could just play with our balls for hours and hours and hours.
So what do you say, Mr. Sombrero? Don’t you think it’s time you ditched the zero and got with the hero? I’m eagerly awaiting your sexy phone call text message.
The time has come to evaluate the talents of the American Idol, Season 10. Having read that just now, you might assume that we are going to make our rankings entirely on the vocal skills they have displayed thus far. You are wrong. Mikey has not seen a single episode of this season and has no plans to do so. And that makes him fully qualified to judge each and every one of the contestants on the most important factor: their appearance. Sit back and enjoy our totally superficial ranking of the wannabes.
12. Naima Adedapo – Where to start! The mouth is large enough to consume all of the other contestants, which might be her angle. We approve her attempt to cover her hair, but seriously….not enough. Styling emergency!
11. Rachel Zevita – This is a case of trying too hard. It looks like she’s got something growing out of her eyes. It might be a disease. We advise the other singers to stay far away from her eyes. The goofy hat and the hooker lips don’t help either.
10. Ashthon Jones – We think she added some extra consonants to her first name to match the increasing volume of her hair. This big hair thing is a highly disturbing trend in this year’s pool. Ashthhththththton is the biggest offender. We are not amused.
9. Haley Reinhart – We are thankful that Haley has mild hair. But there isn’t much helping her out. Not the kinda cherubic cheeks and not the rotundish face. Nope…..no hope.
8. Lauren Turner – Holy Crap! You see how her hair wipes out ever spare pixel of blue background? Yep…it needs to be tamed. Cuz her face just can’t compete.
7. Karen Rodriguez – Karen also falls under the “needs to get it ironed and trimmed,” category, but at least she has a face that is kinda cute. We say kinda cuz she’s still in the bottom six of the chicks.
6. Lauren Alaina – Lauren is at the exact middle, because she is completely forgettable. She looks like that girl you went to HS with, but not the girl who would have been Prom Queen. That doesn’t make a star.
5. Pia Toscano – Relatively cute and with hair under control, we think that Pia could easily rise to the top. Get rid of that cheesy smile and she might be a looker… rather than a hooker.
4. Tatynisa Wilson – Tatynisa does sort of have the big hair, but her face is on the adorablish side, so we kept her near the top of our rankings.
3. Julie Zorrilla – It might be her almost sultry smile. It might be the fact that we don’t want to take a pair of hedgeclippers to her hair. We don’t care. We think that Julie is one of the more attractive ladies of this year and we are rooting for her.
2. Kendra Chantelle – Kendra looks like that girl we went to high school with who was Prom Queen. She also looks like the guy that all the dudes wanted to bang. So she landed at number 2.
1. Thia Megia – Thia is pretty, cute and she looks completely sweet. She might have made it to the top our list because we couldn’t find anything to criticize about her appearance. If she can sing, she’s got the gold.
12. Brett Loewenstern – HAIR EVERYWHERE. Dear god will it never end! Brett might be a ginger, but he doesn’t have to make it all we can see for days. The frizz makes his face look less attractive then it might be. Nope…cut the ginger.
11. Robbie Rosen – Ralph Maccio might have been cute, but Robbie Rosen’s impersonation of him is not. That cheesy grin and side-part are not helping. His face will not sing its way into our hearts.
10. Clint Jun Gamboa – It could be the Harry Potter glasses or it could be the way to prominent chin, but we just don’t think Clint has what it takes to get us going. Let’s hope his singing is better. He also kinda reminds us of the Nazi guy from Indiana Jones.
9. Jovany Barreto – Jovany tries to use his hat to distract us from the chin that just won’t quit. It doesn’t work. In fact, it makes his slender, hawkish nose less attractive. He needs to stop. Oh, and his tiny mouth is terrifying.
8.Casey Abrams – Casey has a great smile and some seriously attractive scruff, but that’s not enough to elevate him to the level of higher ranked sexy, scruffsters. Casey does have the potential to warm our souls, but he does need overcome some serious cuties.
7. Jacob Lusk – Jacob gives good smile and his overall look is potentially adorable, but it doesn’t scream top tier. Let’s hope he can work some magic with his vocals.
6. Jordan Dorsey – We can’t lie. There is something sexy about Jordan’s smile. It is enough to make use forgive his extra-long forehead. It edged him into the top six.
5. Scotty McCreery – This headshot doesn’t do much for Scotty. He has a certain Joseph Gordon-Levitt-esqueness about him. This rocketed him up to the top of our list. Now if only he would make out with Joseph Gordon-Levitt…
4. James Durbin – Durbin needs to lose the faux-hawk, but his look remind Mikey of last year’s winner’s down-home sexiness. Let’s hope he gets a new ‘do and finds his Dewyze.
3. Tim Halperin – Scruffy? Check! Great Smile? Check! Cute enough eyes and nose? Check! Tim has a lot of what we are looking for in our man. Sing out his praises.
2. Stefano Langone – We can overlook Stefano’s Jersey Shore-ness for the sake of his overall hotness. His killer smile and stunning physique make us want to get all oiled up and head to Asbury Park.
1. Paul McDonald – Paul makes our dreams come true. He is sexy, has a killer grin, and wears a beard like a second skin. If he can sing at all, we will give him our vote. Over. And Over. And Over.
Now that you know who is hot and who is not, tell us who you think stands a chance of winning this year’s contest (of looks). Please stay away from the frizzies or their hair will consume you.
Haven’t had enough of our judgments? Check out last year’s hotness ranking of the Idol boys and girls!
(Photos Source: AmericanIdol.com)
Yesterday you learned that Mikey & Adam agreed on a lot of their Oscar picks. Will they do the same when we look at their picks for the more popular categories? Let’s find out…
Adam: While Biutiful was fantastic, I’m going to choose Dogtooth. The sheer creepiness of Dogtooth still sticks with me. And I’m a sucker for zombies.
Mikey: I didn’t see any of these movies, but I like Denmark because they are really liberal. I’m gonna go with their movie In a Better World.
Readers: 50% of the readers voted for Biutiful.
Mikey: Toy Story 3 was better than the previous two movies and was one of the best movies of the year. It stands no chance of losing this award.
Adam: I still haven’t seen The Illusionist, but Toy Story 3 just felt like it was missing something for me. I LOVED How To Train Your Dragon, so that’s my pick for the win.
Readers: Toy Story 3 won an overwhelming majority.
Mikey:Aaron Sorkin is my homeboy…so he will walk and talk his way up to the podium and collect his very first Oscar for The Social Network. And anyone who can write in the Queen’s English and make him stutter and stammer his way into our hearts deserves to win. And The King’s Speech will.
Adam: I’ve seen all of the movies in these two categories, and while most of them were impressive, I was especially impressed with the writing in 127 Hours, The Social Network, True Grit, and The King’s Speech. Which will win? My money’s on The Social Network and The King’s Speech.
Readers: The readers agree, with most picking The Social Network and The King’s Speech.
Mikey: Years in the making, David Fincher has slowly made his way to the upper echelons of the industry. His talent and connections will be rewarded with this Oscar for The Social Network, over The King’s Speech‘s Tom Hooper’s objections of course.
Adam: Who should win? I’d give it to the Black Swan‘s Darren Aronofsky. But who will win? I’ll follow the buzz and go with The Social Network’s David Fincher.
Readers: 50% of the readers chose The Social Network‘s David Fincher.
Adam: Jackie Weaver was great in Animal Kingdom, but Hailee Steinfeld’s gruff little girl in True Grit will win the prize. As for the boys, I’d love to see Jeremy Renner (The Town) or Geoffrey Rush (The King’s Speech) take the prize. And I don’t even know how John Hawkes (Winter’s Bone) made it onto this list. But I’ll side with the majority of the professional predictors and pick the Christian Bale, who played a creepy thin drug addict in The Fighter.
Mikey: Supporting Actress is the tightest race of the top categories, but Hailee Steinfeld’s nomination for True Grit will be rewarded because she’s really the lead actress. Also her campaign ads aren’t skanky like Melissa Leo’s (The Fighter). I haven’t seen The Fighter, but from what I’ve heard Christian Bale becomes his character to a frightening degree. Voters like that. So he will knock out the competition.
Readers: The majority of the readers picked Melissa Leo and Christian Bale, for their supporting turns in The Fighter.
Mikey: Colin should have won last year and he will get his revenge on Jeff Bridges by doing so this year. Long live the King. And if Natalie Portman (Black Swan) doesn’t win this award it would be a crime. Not that Annette Bening (The Kids Are All Right) knows anything about that kind of crime… In the end, I think that Natalie’s stunning performance during which she is almost entirely on screen will triumph. Sorry lezzies.
Adam: While I’d LLOOVVEE to see Oscar Host, James Franco win the statue for his amazing performance in 127 Hours, I can’t help but vote for Colin Firth’s performance in The King’s Speech. But if it wasn’t for the stammer… For Best Actress, there’s no choice that deserves it more than Natalie Portman (Black Swan). Her performance was truly remarkable.
Readers: Natalie Portman (Black Swan) and Colin Firth (The King’s Speech) won the majority.
Mikey: The King’s Speech has become the odds on favorite to win and it will live up to its name. It is the kind of picture that the Academy loves to reward and for good reason.
Adam: Of course The King’s Speech will win. But I’d like to recognize a few of the other movies, by ranking the ten in my list of deservedness. 10. Toy Story 3, 9. The Kids Are All Right, 8. The Fighter, 7. The Social Network, 6. True Grit, 5. Inception, 4. Black Swan, 3. The King’s Speech, 2. Dogtooth, 1. 127 Hours! That’s right, 127 Hours was my favorite movie of the year! And the snorey, crap-fest Winter’s Bone didn’t even place. Blechk!
Readers: Nearly all the contestants chose The King’s Speech for the prize!
The Oscars are upon us and you have bided your breath waiting to find out what the true experts have to say about the slate of nominees. And just who are these experts? Probably the people that work for Entertainment Weekly, Entertainment Tonight, Extra, and Access Hollywood. Who will you have to settle for? None other than your favorite bloggers: Adam & Mikey. We’ve also checked out all of your contest entries, so we’ll also toss your opinion into the mix. Here are the C&R picks for who will win:
Mikey: Who should win Best Live Action Short? I have no clue who should win this award because I have seen none of them. However, I can tell you that The Confession will win. I base this on the fact that it comes alphabetically first on the list of nominees.
Adam: So far I’m voting for The Confession as well. It’s the film that’s getting the most buzz, and the one short that I have seen, Wish 143 was sweet but underwhelming.
Readers: C&R ballots awarded a tie to The Confession & The Crush.
Mikey: Who should win Best Animated Short? The Gruffalo. Who will win? The Gruffalo. Why? Cuz that name is adorable and it is British. Ride the Wave!
Adam: I also picked The Gruffalo.
Readers: Our voters chose The Gruffalo with an overwhelming majority!
Mikey: This pick is tough (cuz…I’m pretending I know what the hell I’m saying), but I feel confident that Killing in the Name will win and in fact should win this award. Death is attractive to rich old celebs.
Adam: I also picked Killing in the Name because my IMDB list said that the winner would be “Nominees TBD.” I thought it’d be funny to see TBD take the stage.
Readers: The majority of balloteers also found death sexy….and gave the award to Killing in the Name.
Adam: I’ve heard that Restrepo is getting a lot of buzz, but I didn’t love it. I can appreciate that it’s sad and timely (it’s about the war in Afghanistan), but I thoroughly enjoyed Exit Through The Gift Shop. Plus I’d love to see what happens if Banksy takes the stage.
Mikey: The Banksy connection and the perpetual playing on streaming Netflix aside, my money is on the Inside Job since Academy voters love to shame politicians and capitalists, to which they bare little to no resemblance.
Readers: Our voters voted for Banksy and chose Exit Through the Gift Shop.
Adam: I’m voting that Inception will snatch up a bunch of the lesser awards because it won’t fare well in the major categories.
Mikey: The only competition that Inception has in this category is Alice in Wonderland, which can’t even hold its own. Inception is a Visual Effects movie and deserves this award without a doubt.
Readers: C&R voters unanimously awarded this Oscar to Inception too.
Mikey: I’m sure there is some nerd out there who can tell me the difference between these two. I don’t really care because in the end they are both going to Inception.
Adam: Agreed: Inception.
Readers: Our Ballots also show that 75% of voters will choose Inception.
Mikey: I hate the original song category. An obvious ploy to get viewers, but no one is going to tune in to see Gwyneth Paltrow sing again…so my money is ‘If I Rise’ from 127 Hours.
Adam: I disagree that’s it’s a ploy to get voters (because I can’t really remember any view draws in recent years), but I agree with ‘If I Rise’ from 127 Hours. But to be honest, I only voted for it because I assumed that it was the song from the trailer. I was wrong.
Readers: Our panel of balloteering balloters seem to not want to hear Randy Newman or Gwyneth sing…so they went for If I Rise as well.
Mikey: The musical score can be as important as the acting in a movie, which is why this year’s pool of musical scores might be one the most competitive races of the night. I think that The King’s Speech’s score will find it’s way to the podium by riding a wave of support for the movie, which is a shame because The Social Network’s is the most groundbreaking and memorable of the bunch.
Adam: My money’s on The Social Network. That’s an expression … I didn’t really bet money.
Readers: The survey says… The Social Network.
Mikey: Makeup is a cute category. But you can always tell who will win by knowing how much makeup was used in the film. Obviously the amount of latex used in making The Wolfman will be rewarded.
Readers: Voters chose The Wolfman…but probably because they are hot for Benicio.
Adam: Ewww, Mikey wrote that — and Benicio is gross. Do people actually find him attractive? Blechk. I didn’t see Barney’s Version or The Way-Back, and although I thought it was a crappy movie, I’m voting for The Wolfman.
Mikey: What factors can you rely on to know who will win Costume Design? Glamour, Period Setting, Extravagance and Women. Alice in Wonderland has this perfect storm and has the award all sewn up. Art Direction is just like Costumes, but less clothes and more walls and shit. That’s why Alice also wins because it had all that and bag of crazy Johnny Depp.
Adam: Alice in Wonderland was breathtakingly beautiful. The rest of the nominated movies shined in these categories, but not as brightly as Alice in Wonderland.
Readers: Most of the readers agreed, with a majority picking Alice.
Adam: The Social Network flew through its lengthy script with ease. With the exception of 127 Hours, none of the other nominees stand a chance. I’m going with The Social Network.
Mikey: For jumping seamless through time, The Social Network should and will walk away with the award this year. For Best Cinematography, my vote is for True Grit. The Academy has to prove that it gave True Grit a bunch of nominations for a reason. That’s why they’ll give True Grit the Cinematography award, which they all kinda understand, but don’t really care about.
Adam: They don’t care about it? I’d care about if I won the award. I feel like this award could go to The King’s Speech, but I have a feeling it will go to True Grit as well. That’s my pick.
Readers: The readers were spread pretty evenly in these two categories. The Social Network leads Editing and True Grit leads Cinematography, but not by very much.
Check back tomorrow for the rest of our Oscar picks!
The most amazing day of the year is just over a week away! Can you feel it??? The Oscars are coming!!!! That’s why Adam and Mikey have decided to bring you the 1st Annual Cocky & Rude Oscar Contest. What does this mean to YOU, our loyal readers/commenters? It means that you can win an amazing stash of goodies valued at up to 10 whole American dollar (which is equivalent to 9.84 Canadian dollars for those of you who are interested). So take the time between now and 11:59 pm Eastern Standard Time on Wednesday, February 23, 2011 to choose the films you think will win these illustrious awards. We have even added two categories of particular interest to one of our West Coast readers … feel free to take a guess in comments. Oh and tell us how much you love the Oscars too!
The first week of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser has drawn to a close. Everyone is doing very well — every player lost at least a little weight this week! This week we asked each of our contestants how their first week of weight loss went. Here’s what they had to say:
CANADIAN BACON Tam & Nathan
Tam is already sick of salads!
Tam: So far, so good. I’ve been religiously recording my food intake on Sparkpeople (we have a BCRL page if anyone wants to join). I think that’s really helped. I’m already bored with salad though. I hate making salad, it’s sooooo much work and is boring. A bag of chips is easier and tastier. We’ll see how motivated I stay. Week 1 is always the easiest. I’m only focusing on food right now, I’ll work on that first, then move to exercise and get my fat ass off the couch soon, really, well, at some point.
Nathan: I started off by trying to ease into healthier habits and I even managed to waddle to the gym twice! I only Skype drank with my sister once! Next week I hope to improve upon my success this week and do better in the coming weeks and continue to improve my habits. Main goal here is to not only cook for myself, but cook healthier food for myself.
DOCTOR AND THE BUNNYMAN Mel & John
Melly's Belly
John is a big, adorable, fuzzy bunny monster!
M el: I’m pretty sure I have never EVAR allowed a picture of my uncovered belly on teh intarwebz, so y’all should feel very privileged. You can tell I just got up by the sheet wrinkle imprints. I weighed in at [CENSORED] today, which is exactly [CENSORED] less than my starting weight. That’s a [CENSORED]% loss! I did it by going back to tracking my intake, targeting for around 1700 Calories per day, and working on getting back into my exercise groove.
John: An unexpected family event resulted in a week food over exposure, long days without a chance to exercise and lack of sleep. I tried to make healthy choices, (salad and lean meat) and it seems to have paid off. I dropped [CENSORED]% this week. Still tipping the scales more than I would like, but it is a start.
Will Enrico be playing a happy tune when he sees this week's results?
Enrico: This week I’ve been on winter break from school, which fits in perfectly with the competition… Since I only left my house twice for the whole week, I haven’t had the temptation of driving by a fast food place! I’ve also been forced to rely on what I have here – crackers, water, mustard, and candy. With this healthy diet, it looks like I’ll win the competition again!
Craig: This week was a disaster! As my Mom said “Who starts a weight loss competition the week after the holidays?” Her reasoning being that we have to clear out all the leftovers and goodies that we got during the holidays. What’s the use of getting a sockful of candy if you’re going to let it rot? So yeah, this week was all about cleaning out the house of all goodies and (hopefully) temptations. But cleaning out means getting in my belly, so yeah, diet and exercise, not so much. I promise I’ll be better next week!
GINGY & THE HAT Adam & Mr. Sombrero
Mr. Sombrero is ready to eat!
Adam: My first week went amazingly well and I was able to lose quite a lot of weight quickly. I attribute this to DAYS of binging and gorging on large amounts of food to make my starting weight as high as possible. Since the start of the contest, I’ve photographed every morsel of food that has entered my body, and I even have my teammate Mr. Sombrero doing the same. It’s keeping us personally accountable, and working wonders. I’m looking forward to 12 more weeks!
Mr. Sombrero: I feel that I am on the bueno track. So far I have lost 5lbs and I already have more energía. I use food photo-diary, which is very helpful and keeps me from eating (too much) junco. Did I mention I already lost [CENSORED] lbs? Have we won yet??
THE JAILHOUSE LAWYERS Polt & Jere
Polt: This first week went well. I stuck to my plans, which are: only 1 can of Pepsi a day (well except for Sunday, but come on, it was the football playoffs!), no eating after 8:00pm, trying to eat smaller than usual portions every time I eat, and 4 days this past week, I went out and took a 30 minutes walk. I didn’t want to do anything too drastic cause I didn’t want to grow tired of it or start craving things. So I’m going slow and steady. that always wins the race, right?
Jere:Well, several weeks ago I left NYC for Utah feeling physically and mentally exhausted after a long semester at law school. Last week I returned to NYC after 2 1/2 weeks with the family feeling physically and mentally exhausted with a huge side dish of emotionally bombed. As a result, my first week of the challenge was spent in what I call the catatonic weight loss plan. I slept 10-12 hours per day with the rest of the time spent in my bed knitting, went the whole weekend without taking off my pajamas, and survived on my stored fat much the way bears in hibernation do. Despite the apparent success of the sleep-yourself-thin plan, I will probably start exercising again this week since law school resumes on Tuesday and the sleeping all day becomes a fond memory.
Paul was sick.
FDot goes retro!
Paul: This first week I had the good fortune of getting sick and not wanting to eat for the better part of 3 days. I saw the doctor this week and will probably be seeing him at least 6 more times before the end of this competition, it’s not good, but it will be ok. Here’s the nice e-card Michelle sent me when I was not feeling great.
FDot: Week One has been going great! As you can see from my picture, I have been eating all the foods in my kitchen that look like they expired in 1985. After a meal of this stuff, I have fever dreams involving Linda Evans then throw it all up. After that, I’m ready for more 80′s goodness. It’s like I’m living a special episode of Diff’rent Strokes. I even looked into hiring Nedra Volz as my housekeeper, but she’s dead. However, I’ve almost run out of these expired treats, so something else will have to be tried for Week Two.
TEAM MUSHY CUPCAKE Mush & Ryan
Ryan's expansive yoga studio.
Mush: I counted calories. I stayed under my target. I ate very little fat. I did push ups. I rode my bike… in the snow. I drank water! I ate fruits and vegetables! I packed everything into a bento box so that I couldn’t overeat! Portion control is the key to everything, I think, so I have been making my meals, packing them, cleaning the kitchen, and then going to another room to eat. That way I can’t pop up and put more food in my bento box. Aaaaaaaaand I became addicted to Crystal Light’s green tea raspberry, but only if it’s made with twice as much water as the label suggests.
Ryan: During the first week, my diet was mostly vegetarian (less an In-N-Out hamburger). This has put me in the weird position of worrying about getting too much fiber. For exercise, I relied on a 2.6 mi round trip commute to work and trying to do yoga in the space between my bed and my closet.
TEAM OINK Harry & Michelle M.
These little piggies went to market. These little piggies bought produce.
Michelle: This week I’ve been eating right and exercising. At first, it was hard getting my mind back into “healthy” mode and my lazy ass off the couch/computer, but it’s getting easier every day. Well, except for the OVERWHELMING hunger. I give myself a gold star on the calendar on the days I exercise. So far I have 3 stars. I’ve been eating celery (which is good) with peanut butter (which is bad). The refrigerator is stocked with fruits and vegetables – so that’s good. Next week I’ll step it up a notch. I miss bread.
Harry: So far the BCRL hasn’t changed my weight too much. For exercise in the past week I played hockey twice, jogged 3 miles twice and walked 2.5 miles. As for diet, I only had three beers, one yucky Bud Light after ice hockey where I usually have two. After inline hockey, I had two hoppy and yummy Sculpin IPA’s, which is normal. Oops, I forgot that I had a 22 oz beer with the handyman. I’m definitely cutting back NEXT week. This diet has really got me down… On Sunday, Michelle and I went out for dinner and split a turkey burger with a side of fresh vegetables. I was so excited to be eating some meat. We were nearly finished and I picked up the menu to find out how many calories we had just saved and congratulate ourselves. When I put the menu down, I looked in front of me and saw nothing! Our waiter had just scooped up my last bite of burger and piece of broccoli and was running toward the kitchen! I was so stunned I didn’t think to yell, “Hey! Come back with my burger, you bastard!” I’m still in shock three days later and pining for that last bite of turkey burger.
TYLER-EXIA & BULI-MIKEY Mikey & Ty
Mikey: I’m less fat than I was last week! Yay! I attribute it to eating more healthfully and using soda water rather than tonic in my mixed drinks. Every empty calorie counts!!! I still haven’t gotten to the gym yet, but I did take my gym clothes and sneakers out and looked at them. That also counts! Yay me!
Ty:Week One went about as I’d expected. I eased myself into the competition by focusing first on diet. I can usually lose at least some weight without feeling miserable if I just start paying attention to what I eat. So that’s what I did: More veggies, less snacking, and — most importantly — more home cooking! And it worked. Kinda. I had a three-pound uptick on Day Two, when my body apparently finished storing all the calories I had taken in right before we started. Had it done it just 24 hours earlier, I could have claimed DOUBLE the loss. So Week One went well, but probably not well enough to win this thing. Which means Week Two (and thereafter) will involve… EXERCISE!
How did our teams do in the first week? It’s time to find out!
We’ve added the total percentages for each team, and here are the results:
And now it’s time to eliminate a team! Here’s how it works: just like American Idol, you vote for the team that you want to save. The team with the least votes will be eliminated. Polls close around Noon (EST) on Saturday.
Please feel free to plead your case, whine and complain, gloat, brag, bitch, moan, celebrate and/or mourn in the comments. And look for the first elimination results on Sunday!
 | The Incredibly Shrin… on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Tam on BC&RL 2013: Part 2 |
 | Tasha on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Alexus on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
| Vagina. on 10 Reasons Why Vaginas Are… |
 | goblinbox on Biggest C&R Loser 201… |
 | Order Now! Fool Me T… on Commenter Cocktails! |
2 Atheists Give Up Stuff For Lent
The boys of Cocky & Rude love the lead up to Zombie Jesus Day a lot. Adam gets to eat all the vegan candy he can find and Mikey gets to make fun of Adam for eating vegan candy, which sounds just plain gross. We also get to talk about all the stuff that we are going to give up for Lent. We have no idea why we or anyone are supposed to give stuff up for the period between Mardi Gras and ZJD, but they do. Here is what we are giving up this year.
Adam: I’m not going to Be (Fake) Nice To My Coworkers anymore. No more polite smiles. And I will no longer bite my tongue and listen to you babble about the weather.
Mikey: I’m not going to Tell People I’m Giving Up Catholicism for Lent. I never really had it and frankly the joke has gotten tired.
Adam: I’m going to give up Weight Loss. It’s overrated, I’m happier when I’m fat, and you people already kicked me out of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2.
Mikey: I’m not going to Say that I’m Fat. It might be horribly true, but I’m not going to tell anyone how super sized I have become or how few of my clothes fit me.
Adam: I’m also giving up Being Nice To People. It takes too much effort and it’s easier to be rude. Plus when I’m rude to people, it’s free advertising for Cocky & Rude.
Mikey: I’m not going to Apologize to People I Bump Into on the Subway. When I do, they look at me like my apology is the offensive part.
Adam: No more Being A Courteous Driver for me! If you’re driving too slow and I’m stuck behind you, please prepare for me to honk at you. If you’re driving stupid, I will give you the finger.
Mikey: No more Whining About How Few Comments I get. It is your own damn fault that you are missing an opportunity to interact with the greatest mind of my generation. Suit yourself.
Adam: I will no longer Help Little Old Ladies Cross The Street. Not that I’ve ever helped a little old lady before, but if I see one, I will most definitely push them to the ground and step on them.
Mikey: I am finished Helping Tourists Get Around the City. They just need to shut up, buy a map and get the hell out of my way. I’m serious. German? Get Away! Italian? Mop off the grease and get off the street.
Adam: Forget Waiting My Turn At The Supermarket! I’m now just going to mow everyone down with my shopping cart. If you’re between me and my produce, I’m going to hurt you.
Mikey: I’m not going to Stop Quoting 30 Rock all the time. The show is incredibly brilliant and the humor can not be contained. I will continue to work on my night cheese.
Adam: Street runners beware! I will no longer refrain from Rolling My Window Down And Screaming At You Like A Lady. Oh wait, I’ve never refrained from doing this. Is that weird? I scream a high pitched wail at the same large-chested man in a tight t-shirt at least once a week.
Mikey: I’m not going to Stop talking about How Amazing Cheese is. It is the best substance ever. I love chocolate lots, but cheese is the best thing that ever happened to anyone including you.
Adam: That’s it for Covering My Mouth And Nose When I Cough And Sneeze! My germs are awesome, and from now on, I’m going to share them with all of you!
Mikey: I’m not going to Wash My Clothes. I hate doing laundry and I think that the fake god wants me to not do it, so I won’t. I might smell by the end of Lent, but I’ll be happy.
Adam: I’m also giving up Watching My Language Around Children. They’re going to hear some fucking curse words somewhere, so they might as well fucking hear them from me.
Mikey: I’m not going to Stop Making Goo Goo Sounds at Dogs on the Street. I don’t care if your think it makes me sound like a crazy person or immature. Dogs are cute and deserve to know it.
Adam: No more Making Fun Of You Behind Your Back for me! Now I’m just going to make fun of you to your face. And it’s gunna be brutal.
Mikey: I’m not going to Complain to Adam about his continuing to Watch American Idol. He watches a lot more shows that I will tease him about. I bet he still watches that one about those doctors who don’t really know anything about medicine other than how to sexually harass each other in the on call room.
Now that you know what good boys we plan to be, let us know what you are going to give up this Lent. We will accept all answers as a contract between you and the Lord. (For the purposes of this blog, Cocky & Rude is the Lord).
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