Oh my folks! The world is crazy. And I am not even talking about the current Republican candidates for President. That crap is batshit crazy, too. I am referring to the following three things: two movie trailers and a story out of the UK about a girl who has eaten little other than chicken nuggets since she was two years old.
Let’s start at conception. While working yesterday (read: online) I found ads for the movie What to Expect When You are Expecting. WTF!!!! Not only is this a movie based up on a self-help novel about the things a woman can expect to feel while with child, but the ad campaign is ridiculous. Can someone please give me a couple million dollars so I can show Hollywood that you can make a movie that doesn’t suck?
After you give birth to that load of crap, you must nurture it. One way to nurture your load of crap is to provide it with food. How can you screw that up? Allow them to eat nothing but chicken nuggets for 15 years. I can’t be the only person who thinks this chick’s parents should be in jail. WTF!!!!
After you have turned your load of crap into a fully grown human being, you must teach it how to do something useful. One way not to do that is to make a movie about people fishing for salmon in the Yemen. That’s right….an entire movie about salmon and WTF Yemen. Clearly they must be joking.
That’s all I’ve got kids….WTF do you have that’s better?
This week has been an exercise in frustration. I’ve been trying to sign up for a class at the local community college (digital art, in case you care. Or don’t.) and have been met with one obstacle after another. So annoying! Anyway, the whole experience got me thinking about all the other things that irritate the hell out of me. And there are soooo many. Here is a sampling:
1. Dealing with the medical profession. Doctors, pharmacists, insurance people – they’re all out to get me. I had to switch pharmacies recently, and to make a long story short, it’s been a major pain in the ass. As of now, I am out of pills (for hypothyroidism, in case you care. Or don’t). Aggravating!
2. Football players with long hair. It’s not the long hair that bothers me. Long hair can be quite nice.
Exhibit A:
It’s when it trails out from under a helmet that it bugs me. It’s so untidy. Tuck that shiz up!
3. Votives. Why is it that when Harry and I go out for dinner, our votive is never lit? Is it a conspiracy? Do I need to start carrying around matches? Must I do everything myself? Jesus Christ.
4. Tags. They are itchy, abrasive and a plague to my existence. I end up cutting them out, which is why the backs of my shirts/sweaters always have holes in them. Grrr.
5. Recipe changes. I swear, any dish I enjoy at a restaurant is eventually discontinued or is changed.
For example, the chicken noodle soup at Panera Bread. It used to be very tasty and when served with a roll on the side made for a very satisfying meal. But Panera decided to make their soup more nutritious/healthy. Now the broth is watery, the noodles are flimsy and I might as well be eating Campbell’s. BOO!
6. Lids. I can’t open them. Why do they have to be screwed on so tight? What am I going to do when/if I outlive Harry? I’m going to die of starvation, an old, bony woman, surrounded by unopened jars and bottles. How tragic.
So, those are just some of the things that have been ticking me off lately. What’s been grinding your gear? Let me know in comments.
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One week in the life of Michelle M.
I was at a loss about what to post, so here’s a rundown of my exciting, fun-filled week.
Monday – It rained. I went grocery shopping, did laundry, ironed and watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Tuesday – The digital arts class I wanted to take was closed, so I signed up for painting. Class started today. This is the building it’s in. We didn’t do any painting, just got our materials list. I was relieved I wasn’t the oldest one there.
Wednesday – I drove all over town looking for the supplies on my materials list. After going to four stores I finally had them all.
Thursday – Our car broke down. To the tune of $3,000. This is the rental car we’re using. In class we painted a still life of ugly bottles. We were only allowed to use burnt umber, so I ended up with an ugly brown painting of ugly bottles.
That night we went out for dinner. I had a glass of Chardonnay. The menu described it as having notes of pear, lime zest, butterscotch, honey and vanilla – none of which I could taste (wine always tastes like wine to me). Harry had a beer.
Friday – I gave blood. I wanted to have Nutter Butters, but I’m doing the non- gluten thing and had a Rice Krispie treat instead. Afterwards, we went to Wendy’s because I was craving chicken nuggets. I blame Mikey.
Saturday – I got my hair did. At least one day a month my hair does not look like a big frizzy mess. We went to Islands for dinner where I had a lovely (and potent) Mai Tai. Harry had a beer.
Sunday – We went to Las Olas for dinner (Harry had 2 beers). This is the view across the street. I love California.
Then we went to the used record store and Pizza Port for a drink. I had a hard apple cider. Harry had 2 additional beers. We rounded out the night by going to the pet store and buying a new toy for Cooper. Then I kept Adam awake ’til all hours finishing up this post.
How was your week? Was it as amazing as mine? Let me know in comments!
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