In case you were not aware, I’m what scientists refer to as a “homosexual.” In layman’s terms, that means that I’m a guy that is sexually attracted to other guys. Females of the species need not apply. And unlike many of my homosexual brothers, I have never tasted (nor stuck my aroused unit into) the mysterious pink wonderland that is known as a “vagina.” Why not? Simply put: vaginas are gross! Here’s 10 reasons why:
1. They’re foreign! What is that thing? It looks like a mess of flappy skin with a hole in the middle. Ew!
2. What’s in there? Teeth? I saw that movie … it was quite eye-opening.
3. They’re smelly! I hear that they often smell of fish sticks and cabbage that has sat in the sun for a bit too long.
4. Yeast infections! I’m not even sure what a yeast infection is … but ew! Wash that thing out once and a while!
5. Periods! Menstrual cycle? Yuck! Why is there blood dripping out of your vagina?
If it’s bleeding, then maybe you should just let it die!
6. Babies come out of them! WTF! How does a freak’n baby fit through that hole? That’s disgusting!
7. The clitoris. Straight guys can’t find it … I don’t even know what it is!
And upon research … is it just a tiny penis?
8. Queefs? My dick never farts … why are there farts coming from your frontside?
9. How do they work? Where does the penis go? Where does the pee come out of?
Can Google Maps help me? Please?
10. It’s not a penis! ‘Nuff said!
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Michelle M. Mondays – now on Puntabulous!!
YES!
noooo!
Possibly my favorite post ever.
Ummm. Ooookay. Yeah. Uhhh. Mmmhmmm. Well.
The first sign of a fantastic blog post: It leaves the readers speechless.
And thanks for finally going back to giving me shout outs in the tags! I was starting to give up on reading through all that bullshit!
ha! I think you’re the only one that reads my tags.
I can personally attest to the fact that not ALL vaginas are icky, or stinky, or bloody (well, ALL of them are at one time or another granted, but still). However, that being said, They can’t compare to a penis.
Have you heard the song “Kiss Me Where It Smells Funny” by the Bloodhound Gang? Cracks me up, everytime! and it covers some the of the territory you’ve mentioned here.
HUGS….
I think I’m going to be sick.
The only thing more nasty are the straight guys who worship these things.
two favorite things about this post
1) the vagina is labeled as anus
2) Oprah says Queef. “Today on the Oprah Winfrey Show Dr Oz talks to us about Queeeeefffffffiiiiiiiiiiiing!”
Adam’s tempting a Freaky Friday body switch. That would be fun to watch.
According to Google Maps, Texas is America’s vagina. Florida remains America’s wang.
So according to Google Maps, America’s a hermaphordite? Whatever will the wingnuts say about that?
HUGS…
1. Hey, don’t knock it until you try it.
2. They aren’t that mysterious.
3. Polt established that they aren’t all icky, gross or smelly.
4. The clitoris isn’t that difficult to find.
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XD idk how the hell I ended up on this website but I laughed so fucking hard lol. But it’s obvious you’re gay cause the clitoris, it ain’t that hard to find bro, and most of the one’s I’ve seen aren’t that gross. Still, Oprah queefing and the baby trying to get out the hole was pretty damn funny.
Wow, I’m gay, and I don’t even think vaginas are weird, I mean seriously, compare them to penises… those things are defiantly the weirdest thing on the human body! My friend Jack is the straightest guy I know and he doesn’t worship vaginas, he almost threw up learning about them in middle school!
I don’t discriminate! boobs and penises are also gross!
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Google lead me here, for some reason.
I’ll admit, that is a pretty funny article. But, I’d much rather stick my junk into a vagina than inside the terminal end of another man’s digestive tract.