Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
Full Name: Michael Gerard Tyson AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Iron Mike, The Baddest Man on the Planet Date of Birth: June 30, 1966 (age 45) Place of Birth: Brooklyn, New York, U.S. Hair Color: Black Relationship Status: Married to Lakiha Spicer Occupation: retired American boxer, actor Height & Weight: 5 ft 10 in, approx. 226 Hobbies:raising, breeding and racing pigeons Favorite place to bite someone: Ear Tattoos?: numerous, including a tribal tattoo on his face Criminal Record: convicted rapist Movie Appearances: numerous, most notably The Hangover and The Hangover Part II Favorite Song:Phil Collins, In The Air Tonight Awards: Numerous, including National Golden Gloves Champion Heavyweight 1984, Undisputed Heavyweight champion (held all three major championship belts; WBA, IBF, and WBC) – August 1, 1987 – February 11, 1990 Stats: 50 Wins (44 knockouts, 5 decisions, 1 disqualification), 6 Losses , 0 Draws, 2 No Contests Claim to Fame: former Undisputed Heavyweight champion of the World
Mike Tyson is a former Undisputed Heavyweight champion of the World and holds the record as the youngest boxer to win the WBC, WBA and IBF world heavyweight titles, he was 20 years, 4 months and 22 days old. Tyson won his first 19 professional bouts by knockout, with twelve of them occurring in the first round. Tyson successfully defending the World Heavyweight championship nine times, including victories over Larry Holmes and Frank Bruno. Throughout his career, Tyson became well-known for his ferocious and intimidating boxing style as well as his controversial behavior both inside and outside the ring. Tyson’s secret weapons include superior ear-biting ability, a penchant for raping people, fists of steel, and a terrifying face tattoo.
AKA / Alias / Nicknames: Mike, Mickey Mouse, Marrow Date of Birth: 05/11/1879 Place of Birth: Bay Shore, NY Hair Color: Dark Brown Current Residence: Brooklyn, NY Relationship Status: happily cohabitational Occupation: gay for pay Height & Weight: Shorter than Craig & Heavier than Craig Hobbies: movies, literature, making grammatical mistakes so Adam has a reason to interact with me Favorite place to bite someone: in the bedroom Tattoos?: none Criminal Record: that was stricken from the record when I turned 18 so I don’t see how it is any of your business Movie Appearances:Grey Gardens ( I was a cat in a former life) Favorite Song:99 Luftballons, Nena’s famous anti-balloon protest song Awards: some really dorky overachiever awards throughout grades K-12 then I became an award winning underachiever Claim to Fame: I invented post-its Secret Weapons: metaphors and thesauri Favorite curse word: tit-wank
In Mikey’s own words: “I’ve had so many lives that it’s hard to just write about the current one, but I’ll try. I was born a long time ago in the realm of the fairies. You might know it as Long Island. Anywhooo after I saved the world from destruction by the Noid in the late ’80s I decided to go into semi-retirement. I now spend most of my time watching 30 Rock, The Catherine Tate Show and anything else that is available streaming on Netflix. When I’m not doing that, I have a job.” Mikey’s secret weapons include “metaphors and thesauri,” as well as a never-ending supply of cheese balls, a really smart boyfriend, an incredibly long tongue and the ability to lick ginger pussy better than anyone else.
Who will win in the battle of MIKE vs. MIKEY? Will Mike Tyson tear Mikey limb from limb? Or will Mikey pelt Mike Tyson with cheese balls and lick him to death? There’s only one rational way to decide which fighter will win this battle. We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Mikey & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
Anonymity. It’s not just a hard word to spell. It’s a way to protect yourself, your identity and your secrets. So what have you been doing anonymously? Donations? Sex? Property damage? Murder? It’s time to fess up.
The rules are the same: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!
1. Have you ever anonymously left a note on someone’s car? 2. Have you ever hit a parked car and left without claiming responsibility? 3. Have you ever scratched a park car and left without claiming responsibility? 4. Have you ever made an anonymous donation to a charity? 5. Have you ever left an anonymous monetary tip? 6. Have you ever given an anonymous gift (e.g. secret Santa)? 7. Have you ever anonymously helped someone (e.g. helped an old lady cross the street)? 8. Have you ever anonymously corrected someone’s grammar? 9. Have you ever anonymously followed a blog for a long time without commenting? 10. Have you ever left anonymous comments on a blog? 11. Have you ever left mean or rude anonymous comments on a blog? 12. Have you ever chatted anonymously in a web chat room? 13. Have you ever video chatted anonymously on Chatroulette (or a similar site)? 14. Have you ever ever used a pseudonym to hide your identity? 15. Have you ever written an anonymous letter or email to someone else? 16. Have you ever written an anonymous letter to the editor of a newspaper, magazine or similar publication? 17. Have you been anonymously quoted by an interviewer? 18. Have you ever written an anonymous love letter? 19. Have you ever posted a “missed connection” on Craigslist? 20. Have you ever made an anonymous prank phone call? 21. Have you ever anonymously leaked confidential or secret information? 22. Have you ever had anonymous sex? 23. Have you ever used a glory hole and had no idea who was on the other side? 24. Have you ever anonymously raped someone? 25. Have you ever anonymously murdered someone?
No pork. No seafood. No cheese. No tofu, mayonnaise, yogurt, eggs, horseradish, mustard, mushrooms, etc., etc. I’m a little picky when it comes to food. Harry and I have determined that if I ever had a cooking show it would be called “The Unadventurous Eater.” I’m always on the lookout for new recipes with ingredients that don’t gross me out. So when Adam told me about his Black Beanie Burgers – Mr. Sombrero Approved! I couldn’t wait to try out the recipe. Here it is:
2 15oz cans of black beans, rinsed and drained
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 small onion, minced
2 tsp. Creole seasoning
1/4 cup bread crumbs
1/2 cup flour
1 cup frozen corn
optional: Add some hot pepper seeds or cayenne pepper to give them some extra flavor.
Makes about 10-12 burgers (depending on how big u make your patties).
Mix and smoosh (works best if you use your hands) all ingredients. Form into patties and freeze for a few hours or until they’re fully frozen. If you’re in a big rush, don’t bother freezing them and just throw them on the grill — but they stay together better if you freeze em first.
Cook frozen patty on a George Forman-style grill or frying pan with a little bit of olive oil spray until they brown a bit (maybe 10 minutes? I’ve never really timed it). I liked to squish them a little in the GF grill about 1/2 way through.
Suggested topping: grilled cubanelle or bell peppers, grilled mushrooms, lettuce and a smear of roasted red pepper hummus. Serve on a toasted English muffin instead of a hamburger roll. Mmmm.
When I cook, I like to put on some music. I thought Adam Ant would be appropriate, but I don’t have any on my player, so I put on some Andy Gibb. Adam, Andy, whatever.
Next I had Harry pour me some wine. When I cook, I also like to drink. Harry is having a beer, because as he says, “If you’re not drinking with me, you’re drinking against me.” When Harry is hungry his eyes turn red. And stop looking at our brown lawn. That’s going to be replaced this summer after we tear out the patio.
Here I am enjoying my beloved Beringer’s in a plastic champagne glass. Klassy! I do have fancy wine glasses, but I have to hand wash them and that is just too much for me to deal with. Cheers!
Here are the ingredients. I bought the Creole seasoning especially for this recipe. Speaking of Creole, I just finished watching season 1 and 2 of True Blood. My favorite character is Lafayette! Isn’t he the best? LOVE him!
Exactly! HBO is free for us this weekend, so I get to watch Season 3. By the time you read this I will have had a True Blood pajama marathon! It’s good to be me.
How big is a small onion anyway? The store pretty much has one size. So I just cut it in two and used half.
Doesn’t this look delicious? The smooshing was fun.
Balls! Tee hee. After I flattened them, I froze them for about 2 hours.
If you don’t have a George Foreman grill, I highly recommend one.
Here is Harry assembling his burger. He put everything Adam suggested on his. I skipped the mushrooms, peppers and hummus (I don’t like tahini). Luckily for Harry and for Adam, the hummus was not too garlicky and Harry didn’t have to sleep on the couch. Yay!
Here is the beauty shot. I also made sweet potato fries and steamed some broccoli. So what did we think of Adam’s Beanie Burgers – Mr Sombrero approved!?
*Yes we eat on tv trays. Once again, keeping it Klassy.
They were terrific! I think next time I make them, I’ll put in a little more cayenne pepper. We like it spicy. I might also see what happens if I put in a little less flour. But in all, Adam’s Beanie Burgers – Mr. Sombrero approved! were delicious. They taste great, are easy to make (not much prep work is needed), are super healthy and are very versatile. The next day Harry put one on a tortilla and I had my burger with barbecue sauce, chips and a pickle. I’m going to try one tomorrow with salsa.
*That’s berry flavored iced tea (yuck). I totally had more chips than are in the photo. I didn’t want to look like a pig.
On my peas in a pod scale, I give Adam’s recipe 5 peas in a pod! Thanks Adam!
If you have a recipe for me to try (that doesn’t include any yucky ingredients) send it to me and I’ll make it and rate it next time on “The Unadventurous Eater”!
If the results of this week’s Cocky & Rude Fight Club are any indication, the United States should just fling open its borders and never look back. Or at least on the Mexico side … we’re not quite sure about those Canadians just yet. In this week’s Fight Club bout, we saw Mr. Sombrero face off against a Redneck Border Patrolman. Mr. Sombrero DESTROYED the Minuteman with no effort at all — as soon as we started the fight, the hate-spewing, Sarah Palin lover ran back home to Texas and hid under his bed. Mr. Sombrero won with an amazing 151 votes (that’s 99% of the popular vote); the Redneck earned only 2 votes (1% of the popular vote). C&R voters came out in force this week — it’s the most votes for a single Fight Club bout we’ve seen since our second battle, where Captain Kirk defeated the disgraced blogger, Craig.