Mikey’s boyfriend and former Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 contestant, Ty will be appearing as a contestant on tonight’s episode of Jeopardy! Check your local listings, set your DVRs, and don’t forget to watch! Here are some screen captures from the Jeopardy! website:
So how do you think Ty will do tonight? Guess the prize dollar amount that he’ll have at the end of tonight’s episode in the comments (anything from $0+). The closest person (without going over) will win all of our mutual love and respect! And maybe Ty will even share his winnings with our winner!! (…but probably not.)
Once again proving that Craig is the only real person that can lose a Cocky & Rude Fight Club bout, Paul and his magical swirl swept their way to victory over a Tornado this week. That’s right — with a groundbreaking 93% of the popular vote (totaling 40 votes), Paul destroyed a Tornado (which only received 3 votes — 7% of the vote). We at Cocky & Rude believe that it was probably Paul’s usage of YouTube videos that pushed him all the way to a staggering victory. It just goes to show that a swirl from Long Guyland can defeat the most deadly swirls known to man. Congratulations, Paul!
I’m back and that means it is time for the Friday Five. During my brief respite from Cocky & Rude, I learned a lot of things about myself. One of which is that I missed blogging. Another thing I learned is that I need to blog less….so that leaves us with today’s post, which is going to be an awesome recap of five awesome recappable things that happened this week.
The very first item to celebrate this week is this super awesome dog who survived a tornado, ended up with two broken legs, and CRAWLED home to find his owners. When I first heard this story, I sort of hoped the owners were not able to take the dog so I could adopt it, but I’m happy for the whole family.
Speaking of surviving, how awesome is it that we all made it through the rapture? I was getting a little worried on that fateful day as the skies turned dark and tumultuous, but then it turned out that we weren’t going to be joining Jesus in the afterlife. That might have something to do with the fact that there is no afterlife.
Despite being a homo, I think the non-existent God is happy to have me on the earth. Some straight guys don’t want me here though. Some are even so scared of being perceived as gay that they say “no homo” whenever they say anything that could possibly be gay. Some guys decided to explore this concept in their video simply titled: No Homo. It has some NSFW words, but the images are pretty tame.
Now that we have gotten the gay out of the way, we should talk about babies. If you didn’t realize, I have a new niece. Her name is Kennedy (no relation to the MTV VJ) and she is adorable. I always forget how small babies are when they are born, but I always remember that MY nieces are the cutest.
Great…the babies are out of the way. Now we can get back to the gays. The gays are known for doing some really awesome things. Amongst them is the butt sex. That is why Sherry Vine did this parody of Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep” called “Coz My Hole’s so Deep.” I like to think it is inspired by Adam. It is also NSFW in sound not image.
So there is the recap of the super recappable: super dog, surviving the rapture, no homo, new niece, and “Coz My Hole’s so Deep.” As always we had some runners-up this week: Amy Poehler’s Harvard Speech, Doctor Who being awesome, Ty being on Jeopardy! next week, and hardcore gay porn.
Welcome to Cocky & Rude Fight Club! The rules to the game are simple. Each week we’ll introduce our fighters. We’ll do the leg work and help you analyze their strengths and weaknesses. Then we’ll put the results to vote. You’ll pick which combatant will decimate their opponent in the knock-down, drag-out brawl of Cocky & Rude Fight Club! Let’s meet this week’s fighters…
TORNADO
Also known as: Twister, Cyclone, Landspout, Waterspout, Dust Devil
Time of Birth: Anytime, but most often between 3pm and 9pm
Residence: 3 out of every 4 tornadoes occur in the United States
Relationship Status: usually single
Occupation: destruction
Height: 8-16 miles
Wind Speed: Average of 110mph; Maximum of 300+mph
Favorite Animal: Cow
Favorite Movie: Twister, The Wizard of Oz
Typical Duration: 8 minutes
Hobbies: moving house, killing witches
Favorite Curse Word: motherfucker
Tornadoes are violent, dangerous, rotating columns of air that are in contact with both the surface of the Earth and a cloud. They come in many shapes and sizes, but are typically in the form of a visible funnel, whose narrow end is often encircled by a cloud of debris and dust. Most tornadoes have an average speed of 110mph, are approximately 250 feet across, and travel a few miles before dissipating. The most extreme can attain wind speeds of more than 300mph, stretch more than 2 miles across, and stay on the ground for dozens of miles. Their secret weapons include transporting opponents from Kansas to Oz, hurling cows at storm chasers, dropping houses on witches and flinging forks from decimated house into trees.
PAUL WYCKOFF
Also known as: P.J.
Date of Birth:June 8, 19something, something Residence: “Long Guyland” Relationship Status: “Single, currently accepting applications to change that, must have acceptable tattoo to tooth ratio” Occupation: “Controller, that’s right, I AM IN CONTROL!” Height & Weight: “I wish I was little bit taller, I wish I was a baller.”
Average Speed: Recently clocked at 100 MPH.
Favorite Animal: Whitey
Favorite Movie: Female Trouble
Typical Duration: Given the right circumstances, hours. Hobbies: Commenting on blogs while ignoring his own.
Favorite curse word: Cunt
Paul Wyckoff is a violent, dangerous man that lives in “Long Guyland”, New York with his hench-cat, Whitey. When he’s not busy being the controller of a black and white company, he spends his time surfing YouTube, commenting on blogs, watching South Park and Family Guy, fastidiously decorating and cleaning his condo, and grooming to his glorious swirl. The swirl itself has been known to kill without remorse, and is considered one of the most dangerous weapons on Earth. Paul’s secret weapons include an army of drag queens, the ability to use YouTube videos to convey ideas that only he thinks are funny, and the power to turn the sky purple and fill with lightning. Viva la swirl!
Who will win in the battle of Swirl vs. Swirl? Will a tornado fling Paul to Oz before he even has a chance to fight? Or will Paul strike fast and quick with an amusing and relevant YouTube video? We’re putting this no-holds-barred fight to a vote. The poll will be open for approximately 24 hours, and you may vote as many times as you want. That’s right — we’re not blocking repeat votes, so vote now and vote often for your favorite Cocky & Rude Fight Club opponent.
Check back on Sunday for the results!
Thanks to Paul & Michelle M. for your assistance with this post!
Cooking and washing dishes are for losers. Why not just go to a restaurant? They cook for you, they serve you, they wash the dishes. But what have you done at a restaurant? We’re about to find out.
You know the rules: For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end of the quiz, add up your points and post your total in the comments.
Have You Ever?!
1. Have you ever gone to a restaurant? 2. Have you ever worked at a restaurant? 3. Have you ever sent food back? 4. Have you ever ordered off the menu? 5. Have you ever eaten alone at a restaurant? 6. Have you ever suspected that the kitchen staff had done something gross (spit, etc.) in your food? 7. Have you ever done something gross (spit, etc.) on someone’s food while working at a restaurant? 8. Have you ever found a foreign object in your food (hair, fingernail, insect, rodent, etc.) at a restaurant? 9. Have you ever had food or drinks accidentally spilled on you by restaurant staff at a restaurant? 10. Have you ever yelled at another diner at a restaurant? 11. Have you ever yelled at a waiter/waitress? 12. Have you ever demanded a discount or that you shouldn’t have to pay? 13. Have you ever been annoyed at the waiter/waitress and not tipped? 14. Have you ever stolen the tip from another table at a restaurant? 15. Have you ever dined and dashed (skipped out on the check)? 16. Have you ever left a giant tip (50%+) at a restaurant? 17. Have you ever thrown food at another person while at a restaurant? 18. Have you ever had waitstaff sing to you on your birthday at a restaurant? 19. Have you ever been kicked out of a restaurant (for any reason)? 20. Have you ever consumed so much at a restaurant that they took your picture and hung it on the wall? 21. Have you ever done something gross (blown your nose, left your chewing gum, etc.) in your cloth napkin? 22. Have you ever stolen tableware (cloth napkin, utensils, mugs, glasses, plates, etc.) from a restaurant? 23. Have you ever vomited in the dining room of a restaurant? 24. Have you ever done anything sexual under the table (handjob, blowjob, groping, etc.) at a restaurant? 25. Have you ever had sex with a waiter or waitress (or other staff member) at a restaurant?
Please leave your total and a tip in the comments.
Once again proving that 
Cooking and washing dishes are for losers. Why not just go to a restaurant? They cook for you, they serve you, they wash the dishes. But what have you done at a restaurant? We’re about to find out.
8. Have you ever found a foreign object in your food (hair, fingernail, insect, rodent, etc.) at a restaurant?
15. Have you ever dined and dashed (skipped out on the check)?
22. Have you ever stolen tableware (cloth napkin, utensils, mugs, glasses, plates, etc.) from a restaurant?
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