It’s been THIRTEEN WEEKS since the beginning of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2. Since the start of our contest, we’ve eliminated 15 players. Only three players remain, but by the end of this post, there will be only one. Each of our final three have worked their asses off to get to this point … and they’ve each lost a bit of their asses in the process. Diet and exercise aren’t fun, but these players managed to do it better, and more successfully than the rest of us.
Unlike all of the previous of the eliminations, the final results of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 are not determined by a popularity poll. They are determined solely by weight loss.
Two weeks ago, when we last revealed our players’ weight loss percentages, Paul was in the lead with -9.58%. But with Mush at -9.38% and Ryan with -9.22%, it was way too close to call a winner. There was only a .4% spread between them!
So enough with all of the stalling. It’s time to reveal the contestant who placed THIRD.
THE THIRD PLACE WINNER IS …
Ryan after losing 9.58% of his body weight!
Ryan joined our competition as one half of Team Mushy Cupcake. Over the course of the competition, he’s changed his eating habits and started regularly exercising. Ryan lost an amazing 9.58% of his body weight. Here’s what he had to say about coming in third:
Congratulations to Mush and Paul! Getting this far takes a lot of work. Even though I didn’t win, I’m proud how much less of me there is now and excited to think of how much more I can lose by the time I go home for my cousin’s wedding this summer. I’d like to thank Adam and Mikey for inviting me to be in this contest. Without that motivation, I would have never lost so much weight. I’d also like to thank Mush for being an awesome team member and for showing me SparkPeople, which was essential in guiding me to lose weight at a consistent and sustainable rate. Finally, good luck to all of the eliminated contestants. I can’t wait to see who wins Rudest Loser.
That leaves just two contestants. Mush or Paul? Paul or Mush? We’ll reveal that in just a moment. But before we do, let’s take a look at both of these players.
Mush joined our contest as the other half of Team Mushy Cupcake. She faced many trials and tribulations (including Mexican food, processed carbohydrates and The Curse™). But through it all, Mush made it all the way to the top two.
And then there’s Paul. Paul (along with our Fan Favorite, FDot) joined our competition as Team Colon Blow. Paul joined the contest as a way to motivate himself to take care of his Type 2 Diabetes. Over 13 weeks he made a big change to his eating and exercising habits, and took great strides towards improving his overall health.
Hmmm all the contestants that made it into the finals had the word “Team” in front of their team names. Note to self: do that if we have a Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 3 at the new site.
So who will it be? Will Mush or Paul walk away with the big prize of BIGGEST COCK? It’s time to find out.
AND THE WINNER OF BIGGEST COCK & RUDEST LOSER 2 IS…
Congratulations, Mush! You have won the BIGGEST COCK prize!
Mush after losing 11.88% of her body weight!
Mush lost a staggering 11.88%! Here’s what she had to say:
After a holiday season full of more cakes, cookies, and pies than you could shake a stick at, I got on the scale. And yea verily, I was fucking FAT. But the boys at Cocky & Rude nagged us all into playing a game with them, and I let myself be roped into another damn diet competition.
And somehow, I actually did it. I set a goal to twenty pounds and I (practically) accomplished it! (I lost 19 pounds.)
And how did I do it? I did it through the misery of semi-starvation!
Oh, man, dieting sucks. I’m never going to diet again. Being hungry all the time, craving food all the time, it’s a weird form of hell. (Let it be known that I lost the last three pounds after I quit dieting by simply cutting refined carbs out of my diet – no white flour, no white sugar or HFCS, no white rice. It’s much more comfortable than semi-starvation because you get to eat fat. Yay whole milk lattes! The weight loss rate is much more modest, but it’s continuing all on its own and I’m not starving all the time anymore.)
I credit much of my success in this contest to having had THE VERY BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE PARTNERS, Ryan, who made up the awesome half of Team Mushy Cupcake. His great results kept me going. I luff heem.
Paul lost an amazing 10.42% of his body weight (and now he looks like letters and numbers)!
And that can only mean one thing…
THE SECOND PLACE WINNER IS PAUL!
Paul lost an impressive 10.42% of his total body weight!
Here’s what he had to say:
While I am disappointed at not being the winner, I would like to congratulate Mush on her domination over all of us tubby people. Now if you will please excuse me I must head over to the loser’s tent where I believe Polt has a very gay drink and a very short cabana boy saved for me.
And now … as a prize to Mush and everyone else who lays eyes on it, here’s a doodle from Craig!
Now that we know that Mush has won the Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 BIGGEST COCK prize, who will win the Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 RUDEST LOSER prize? We’ll find that out next week when we check in with all 15 of our eliminated Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2 contestants (or at least the ones that are still speaking to us). Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser 2, Yay!