Monthly Archives: October 2010

The Official Cocky & Rude Costume Guide

9 Comments Posted by on October 26, 2010

If you are anything like me, you hate picking out your Halloween costume. The hating leads to procrastinating. Then the procrastinating leads to you wearing a white sheet around town. Have no fear, kind readers! We have an official Cocky & Rude Halloween Guide just for you!

First up is an all time C&R favorite. For those of you who want to be a part of the cultural elite this year, try the fantastic style of Justin Bieber! Don a purple top (preferably a hoodie to amplify the street cred), slide into some baggy jeans and find a way to get your hair to fall right in front of your eyes! You are halfway there already! Now just walk around singing like a castrato trying to sound like Barry White. Done! We wouldn’t blame you if you choose to make him into a zombie, too. That’s just creative license.

It seems appropriate that Halloween falls just before Election Day in the United States. We have one day based on fear and intimidation after the other. It also means that we can make fun of (or revere if you are into that kind of thing) people running for office. This year we have elected the tea bagger from Delaware Christine O’Donnell for this honor. You can become her in four easy steps: red power suit, pearls, brown wig, and criticize anyone who shows affection for anyone else. Easy as pie!


Next we have a staple of Halloween costumes: the superhero! And what superhero would we want to promote other than our very own Rainbow Poo! Thankfully you do not actually have to use feces to make this costume (although you might get bonus points for realism). Simply drape yourself in a rainbow flag, paint your face in matching rainbow stripes, and inexplicably place a sombrero on your head. Just don’t get into any daring-do. We don’t think the colors actually give you super powers.

And finally there is the internet meme option. What defines the internet as we know? What makes us come back for more, for good and usually for bad reason? Adam! By being Adam this Halloween you will shock and surprise all your friends. Adding a red wig to most outfits would work (unless you have boobs, then you should bind them or something). Now walk around making goofy faces and you are all set. Sure people will think you are Conan O’Brien, but really who cares. It’s about the candy anyway!

Those are my last minute costume suggestions. If you can’t make one of these work, you could always pull a Gaga (meat, Muppet, bubble..take your pick). If you already had your costume picked out, tell us in the comments. Oh and send me candy.

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I'm a Bielieber

5 Comments Posted by on October 25, 2010

Justin Bieber has finally hit the big time. His recent hijinks have made him the subject of a Taiwanese animated news reel, which is just about the only way I can handle him when he is not on Rainbow Poo. This film is so precious to me that it requires in depth analysis. Let’s see what they have for us, shall we.

0:02 Why did they choose this photo? It is a pedophiles wet dream. Seriously! Will Smith is mad he didn’t make Willow do it first.

0:09 Damn! Bieber can knock walls down? How did I not know this?

0:14 The last time I played laser tag your little light blinked and you were out. When did it cause you writhe on the floor like you were tased?

0:23 Bieber and his entourage are literally kicked out about by a terribly professional man who laughs maniacally after doing so.

0:30 First Church of Bieber? Wow! If I join, can I can claim everything he does as a cause for holiday and not go to work?

0:40 If Bieber makes a line of nail polishes named after his songs, I think that might make him look less cool. Oh…wait…if they sparkle and glow like that, sign me up.

0:48 Of course he would fail his driving test if he was speeding and ran into the fire hydrant. Who taught him to drive? Lindsay Lohan?

1:05 Did Bieber really go to court in a purple hoodie? Was the purple a nod to the bullying thing?

I don’t know what of that video is real and what is a figment of the Taiwanese imagination, but I do think that Katie Couric would get more viewers if she animated the Middle East peace talks

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The Photo Diet

5 Comments Posted by on October 24, 2010

Since the end of Biggest Cock & Rudest Loser, I’ve gained a little weight by  indulging a bit too much in the foods that I shouldn’t eat (chips! cookies! soft pretzels! mmm!).  I need to get back to my happy weight (where all my clothes fit just a little better), so I’ve devised a new diet!  (Or if it was already invented by someone, then I’ve never heard of it before!)  It’s called the Photo Diet and the rules are simple.  Take a photo of everything you eat and post it on Internet for everyone to see.

The photos above are everything that I’ve consumed from Monday’s lunch until Saturday’s lunch.  (Despite your lectures, I will not start eating breakfast — the least important meal of the day.)  I haven’t been counting calories, but I have tried to eat very healthy.  The Photo Diet works well to combat gluttony with embarrassment.  Should I eat fifty cookies?  Nah, because then I’ll have to take a photo of all of them them.

What do you think?  How long should I keep this up for?  Is it weird to go to a restaurant with someone who’s photographing their plate?  Does any normal person eat that much salad?

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What Were They Thinking?!

9 Comments Posted by on October 23, 2010

What were Adam & Mikey Thinking?!  Leave your thoughts in the comments!
Submit your potential What Were They Thinking?! photos to: cockyandrudedotcom@gmail.com

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It's The Friday Five!

13 Comments Posted by on October 22, 2010

Oh Rainbow Poo! Has it been a month since we posted a magically terrific Friday Five? Hmmm…must have been a slow month. Well this week we stumbled upon five fantastic things that you all must see right now! Drop everything (or place that cup of coffee gently back onto the table) and read this post! You won’t be disappointed.  And after you thoroughly enjoy this post — please comment.  Comments are our lifeblood, and we’re not too proud to beg!

Drama Queen
This week, a friend sent me the link to the video, and I couldn’t stop laughing.  The star of this video should be related to me.  If I had a daughter, this is what she’d do.  I plan to raise my children as evil, so she would fit right in.  I love her.  Please enjoy this British short, a commercial for the Young Direct Award entitled, Drama Queen:

http://www.youtube.com/v/CGnfKnfY6EM?fs=1&hl=en_US

Hir
Amidst all the talk of gay teens being bullied, there are group of teens that remain almost completely off the map: trans teens. When we found Alysia Harris & Aysha El Shamayleh’s slam poem about the struggles of one such teen, we could only imagine the incredible pain they must feel. Take a moment to watch these two young artists perform their poem, Hir.

http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/video/xf8hiw?additionalInfos=0

Luke Perry At DragonCon
With the reboot of Beverly Hills, 90210 garnering renewed interest for dramatic and tactful portrayal of a major character’s struggle with his sexuality (including that character bullying an openly gay classmate that he hooked up with), it seems there might be some renewed interest in some of the stars from the original cast. That explains why Luke Perry was at DragonCon. Well really it doesn’t, but I have no idea why he was there and I suspect he doesn’t either. As a result of his participation there is a genius photoset and even more genius animated gif of those photos. We hope you enjoy them as much as we did.

Willow Smith’s Kiddie Porn
With some of the Glee cast making waves for a risqué photoshoot in GQ, there was no way we could ignore the issue. Let’s face it kiddie porn is both funny and highly profitable. Not sure? Just ask parental role models Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith who let their 9-year-old daughter, Willow (does someone have penis size issues, Will?), not only record a horrifically annoying song called Whip My Hair, but then proceeded to allow her create a music video that would make someone twice her age blush. We can not be the only ones who have found her dancing to be a bit too sexual for someone who should be focused on toys, not boys.

http://www.youtube.com/v/ymKLymvwD2U?fs=1&hl=en_US


Brookton Hollow
After all that tawdriness, we need a nice old fashioned fairy tale and we won’t let you down. We found the clip Brookton Hollow earlier this week and we were immediately smitten. This poignant and poetic tale of a boy and his cow is memorable and mesmerizing. Even though it features shocking full frontal nudity (and is therefore NSFW), it is a must for adults jaded by the crazy political climes of 2010. Romantic, whimsical and beautifully told to the last shot, we hope you can escape with us to Brookton Hollow.

Our Friday Five was made of evil children, trans teen slam poetry, Luke Perry, kiddie porn, and a gay fairy tale.  What could be better?  Seriously, if anything can possibly be better than that, we challenge you to find it!  Tell us all about your Friday Five in the comments!

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Why Can't These 2 Sitcom Stars Get Hitched?

9 Comments Posted by on October 21, 2010

After I got too real about the homogays on Tuesday, you all decided to punish me with a resounding lack of comments. The silence was a deafening cacophony of crickets. My revenge upon you is another post about some gays, doing the gay things that I enjoy. Sadly it is not the hardcore gay porn you have all come to expect from Cocky & Rude, but rather stars of two of my favorite sitcoms professing their love for each other. Unfortunately for these two stars, they are not allowed to get married in the state that they both call home, because spineless state senators voted against gay marriage. It pains me to see burgeoning young love stifled by discrimination and hatred. Like many of you, I do not comprehend the arguments against gay marriage. Marriages in Connecticut, Massachusetts, Iowa, Spain, South Africa, and the other states or countries where gay marriage is legal have not fallen apart. Dogs did not breed with cats and the sky remains up in the right place. So why can’t these two gents get married?

I think I’ve said too much already. I should allow you to watch these brave stars going public about their love without my commentary. First we have the gingered styling of Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

http://www.youtube.com/v/BY3aTMc0aOk?fs=1&hl=en_US

Perhaps I was wrong about this being a star-crossed pair. I was told that these clips were about male on male loving, but it looks like Jesse’s heart was broken by that disembodied off-camera voice. I can feel his pain though. I too have a crush on the man from 30 Rock. Let’s see what he has to say in his defense.

http://www.youtube.com/v/t9TIjqGLcMw?fs=1&hl=en_US

Jesse your game is back on! I wish you and Alec all the best! Well…unless I can get him first! I will fight back too! The politicians of NY State made a big mistake when they voted to deny equal rights that gay, lesbian, and bisexual citizens of their state who want to marry their same-sex partners. With Alec by my side, I will walk right down that aisle and fight the homophobes.

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The Messy Adventures of Rainbow Poo

11 Comments Posted by on October 20, 2010

Previously on The Messy Adventures of Rainbow Poo:

Chapter One: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV & Part V
Chapter Two: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV
Chapter Three: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII
 Chapter Four: Part I, Part II, Part III, and now Part IV:

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