I'm a Bielieber
October 25, 2010
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Justin Bieber has finally hit the big time. His recent hijinks have made him the subject of a Taiwanese animated news reel, which is just about the only way I can handle him when he is not on Rainbow Poo. This film is so precious to me that it requires in depth analysis. Let’s see what they have for us, shall we.
0:02 Why did they choose this photo? It is a pedophiles wet dream. Seriously! Will Smith is mad he didn’t make Willow do it first.
0:09 Damn! Bieber can knock walls down? How did I not know this?
0:14 The last time I played laser tag your little light blinked and you were out. When did it cause you writhe on the floor like you were tased?
0:23 Bieber and his entourage are literally kicked out about by a terribly professional man who laughs maniacally after doing so.
0:30 First Church of Bieber? Wow! If I join, can I can claim everything he does as a cause for holiday and not go to work?
0:40 If Bieber makes a line of nail polishes named after his songs, I think that might make him look less cool. Oh…wait…if they sparkle and glow like that, sign me up.
0:48 Of course he would fail his driving test if he was speeding and ran into the fire hydrant. Who taught him to drive? Lindsay Lohan?
1:05 Did Bieber really go to court in a purple hoodie? Was the purple a nod to the bullying thing?
I don’t know what of that video is real and what is a figment of the Taiwanese imagination, but I do think that Katie Couric would get more viewers if she animated the Middle East peace talks