Cocky&Rude

If you’re like me, your family is a snore.  They’re normal, average people.  None of them have ever been on TV or in a movie.  They’re just … normal.  So why not imagine a new family of celebrities?  Here’s fantasy family of famous people:

Mom: Brothers & Sisters’ Sally Field
She’s fun, she’s crazy, she’s the world’s greatest mom.  Plus she’s rich and owns a giant house with a pool.  She’s liberal, loves the gays and is just plain kind in every possible way.  She’d laugh at my jokes, fund me when I decided to quit my dumb job, cook me giant vegan meals and organize parties for me and all of my bloggy friends.

Dad: Roseanne’s John Goodman
John Goodman has to be the best TV dad ever.  Every time I watch Roseanne, I’m struck by just how great he is.  He’s caring, committed, and at that size, the guy must give a great hug.  Plus, he’s helluva funny.  And if he ever finishes building the boat in his garage, we could go sailing!  (But not fishing, cuz I don’t do that.)

Sister: Six Feet Under’s Lauren Ambrose
She’s the sister I’ve always wanted.  And she’s a ginger, so we might even look related!  Plus, I’m sure she could tell me some great stories.  She’s had boyfriends that had foot fetishes, boyfriends that turned out to be gay, and boyfriends that are Jeremy Sisto and Chris Messina.  Yum!  Plus she’s done a crap load of drugs, so she could help me [safely] raise my purity number.

Brother: United States of Tara’s Keir Gilchrist
He’s smart, adorkable, and who doesn’t want a gay little brother?  I’m sure he could teach me a thing or two about style, and he’d gladly help Sally Field, I mean mom, out in the kitchen.  He’s emotional kid … and would probably benefit from a John Goodman hug as well.  I’d also love to see his interaction with our aunt:

Aunt: Gilmore Girls’ Lauren Graham
Who doesn’t love Lauren Graham?  She’s wacky, beautiful, and can bounce pop culture references off you faster than Joshrico.  Lauren would be the perfect aunt.  She’d love to stay up late with me, noshing on junk food and watching silly movies (like one of my favorites: Good Burger!).  And how cool would it be to get free nights in her inn?

Grandma: Betty White in real life
Okay this is an easy one.  Who wouldn’t pick Betty White to be their grandmother?  Think of Thanksgiving dinner with Betty White at the table.  She’d have the whole family laughing so hard that we’d barely be able to eat our Tofurkey!  She’s probably the coolest old lady on the planet, so of course she’d be my fantasy grandma!

Grandpa: The Cosby Show’s Bill Cosby
Now let’s set aside the fact that the whole ‘race’ thing wouldn’t make any sense.  Bill Cosby would be the perfect grandpa.  He’d always be there teach you life lessons, to dance with his face, make you laugh, or to keep you company when you needed someone to listen.  And hell, the guy’s been dressing like a grandpa for his whole life — those are some snazzy sweaters!

The Family Pet: Mad About You’s Murray
I surprised even myself with this pick.  True, I’ve always been more a ‘cat guy’, but Murray was always my favorite.  That dog was hilarious!  He was always a little … dim, as he chased around invisible mice.  But regardless of the species, I love animals with personality.  And since Spring isn’t famous, then Murray will do!

Oh, and if you hadn’t already guessed, we’d all be vegan — except Murray.  Yay!

Mom, Dad, three kids (including me!), a fun aunt, a set of awesome grandparents and a dog!  It’s the perfect fantasy family of famous people.  I couldn’t ask for a better bunch!  Could you?  What’s your fantasy family of famous people?  Tell me all about ‘em in the comments!