Monthly Archives: September 2010

Have You Ever… While Operating A Moving Vehicle?

24 Comments Posted by on September 30, 2010

Today we’re going to play another game of Have You Ever! Below is a list of 25 questions. For each question that you answer ‘yes’ to, give yourself a single point. When you reach the end, add up your points, and post your total in the comments section.  Then we’ll all have a good chuckle when FDot posts a zero.

Have You Ever…

1. Operated a moving vehicle?
2. Driven over 100 miles per hour while operating a moving vehicle?
3. Hit an animal while operating a moving vehicle?
4. Ran over someone’s foot while operating a moving vehicle?
5. Hit a person while operating a moving vehicle?
6. Consumed an alcoholic beverage while operating a moving vehicle?
7. Been drunk while operating a moving vehicle?
8. Been high on drugs while operating a moving vehicle?
9. Fallen asleep, even just for a second, while operating a moving vehicle?
10. Sent a text message while operating a moving vehicle?
11. Talked on a cell phone while operating a moving vehicle?
12. Read a book or newspaper while operating a moving vehicle?
13. Been completely naked while operating a moving vehicle?
14. Kissed a passenger while operating a moving vehicle?
15. Vomited while operating a moving vehicle?
16. Urinated while operating a moving vehicle?
17. Defecated while operating a moving vehicle?
18. Masturbated while operating a moving vehicle?
19. Received manual pleasure while operating a moving vehicle?
20. Received oral pleasure while operating a moving vehicle?
21. Participated in intercourse while operating a moving vehicle?
22. Manually pleasured a passenger while operating a moving vehicle?
23. Had a baby on your lap while operating a moving vehicle?
24. Raced another driver while operating a moving vehicle?
25. Reached 88 miles per hour and traveled Back The The Future while operating a moving vehicle?

Ack!  How unsafe!  What’s wrong with you?!  But it’s okay.  You’re among friends!  We won’t judge you … or will we?  Post your total and we’ll talk it out in the comments.

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The Messy Adventures of Rainbow Poo

11 Comments Posted by on September 29, 2010

Previously on The Messy Adventures of Rainbow Poo:

Chapter One: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV & Part V
Chapter Two: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV
Chapter Three: Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII
 and now Chapter Four:

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Is that Sarah Palin?

12 Comments Posted by on September 28, 2010


With Election Day quickly approaching, Cocky & Rude wanted to bring one of the more serious campaigners to your attention. We could spend hours dissecting the politics of the California Senate campaign or even one of the more tense nail-bitters that have developed in the past few months, but that wouldn’t be any fun for us. Instead, I have chosen to highlight some of the delightfully insightful statements of Christine O’Donnell who is running for Senate as a Republican in the great state of Delaware. Ms. O’Donnell scored a major upset a wee back when she used her Tea Party powers to take the GOP nomination from the incumbent Republican. What amazing political skill and unique strategy did she use to accomplish this task? I did some research (read: I read an article on Think Progress)Let’s have a look see.

On Marriage:
“When a married person uses pornography, or is unfaithful, it compromises not just his (or her) purity, but also compromises the spouse’s purity.”

“The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can’t masturbate without lust.”

On Sex, Contraception, & STDs:
Asked by MSNBC host Joe Scarborough, “You’re going to stop the whole country from having sex?” O’Donnell replied, “Yes.”

“And to me, it’s a very anti-human way to go about this. And what I mean about anti-human is even if the population is increasing, so what? So what? People aren’t bad. When did humans become a bad thing? Why is it that we have to, you know, stop people from getting pregnant?”

On the Homogays:
Asked about disparaging comments children had made about a gay peer, O’Donnell dismissed it, saying, “It’s kids being kids, that’s it.”

“People are created in God’s image. Homosexuality is an identity adopted through societal factors. It’s an identity disorder.”

And there are many more well chosen words from this woman to read out there. Perhaps the most terrifying thing about Ms. O’Donnell is so eerily similar to Sarah Palin. Her politics are reactionary and rooted in nonsense, but she is being lauded and promoted by so many. If truly hope that the voters of the state of Delaware spare us more of her hi-jinx.

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Just Another Manic Monday!

8 Comments Posted by on September 27, 2010

There are just so many random thoughts running through my mind!  It must be just another Manic Monday!

Saturday Night Live premiered over the weekend with host Amy Poehler and musical guest Katy Perry.  With the addition of four new cast members and special walk-on guests Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph, Justin Timberlake and probably a few others that I’m forgetting, they still couldn’t manage any real LOLs.  Katy didn’t sound all that great in her performance of California Gurls, but Teenage Dream sounded alright.  At least she wasn’t lip-syncing.  The only time I chuckled was when NY Governor Patterson showed up to spar with Fred Armisen’s Governor Patterson character.  But overall, the opening of season 36 was a big, lame “Meh.”  Just like all of season 35.  And 34.  And…

Those of you that know me know that I hate weather.  I hate experiencing it, I hate talking about it, I just hate weather.  But what do I hate most of all?  When the stupid air pressure changes quickly and makes my head feel like it’s going to explode.  On top of that, the leaves start falling and rotting … emitting mold spores that make my nose run like a faucet.  I may be vegan, a recycling fanatic, obsessed with conserving water and electricity … but fuck that.  Pump up the damn A/C so I can breathe!  And turn it on high!

Glee premiered last week, and it was … spectacular!  The two new kids fit in well, and how great is the name: Sunshine Corazon?  I only wish that Sue had interrupted Billionaire instead of Asian Gaga and Rachel’s Telephone.  And how great is Dot Jones’ Coach Shannon Beiste? I laughed, I cried, and for a second … I thought it was Ken Tanaka in makeup!

American Idol officially announced what everyone has been groaning about for months.  Next season’s judges will be Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler and Randy Jackson.  After all the promotion I did for Idol here at C&R, I was disappointed that they didn’t accept my suggestions of Perez Hilton, Howard Stern, Paula Abdul and Joshrico.  Ridiculous, I tell you.  Simply ridiculous.  Is anyone even going to watch the show anymore?

I know that you don’t care, but I ate dinner at an awesome restaurant in New Hope, PA on Saturday!  Sprig & Vine: Pure Vegetarian is simply awesome.  I only dream of them Googling themselves, finding this mention on C&R and offering me a free dinner.  Please?

Undercovers was fun, right?  The new show from producer J.J. Abrams felt kind of Alias without the sci-fi aspect.  Clearly there’s more going on than meets the eye … as we can tell from Major Dad‘s secret phone calls and aside comments.  It should be fun … hopefully they don’t cancel it.

I also thought The Event was pretty good too, but it feels like it could quickly turn into Heroes.  To much concept, not enough… good writers?

An finally, the results are in on our latest game of Have You Ever… and some of you are public restroom pervs!  (Click to enlarge!)

So basically, all I can think about is television, perverse restroom behavior, and awesome food … until my head explodes.  It hasn’t happened yet, but it might.  What’s on your mind today?  Tell me about your Manic Monday in the comments!

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Hot Men, or How to know if a show is Good: Part 2

7 Comments Posted by on September 26, 2010

Welcome back to our countdown of what really counts from this year’s new television offerings: the hotness of the male stars. Yesterday we covered the bottom 15 shows based on the looks of their men. Today we cover the best of the best. Get ready for the heat. 

Boris Kodjoe

8. The Walking Dead - This zombie themed offering from AMC might give some the creeps but the male stars will make you happy to still be alive. Jon Bernthal and Andrew Lincoln‘s sexiness is the only weapon I need to know that they will win this war against the undead.

7. Undercovers - Boris Kodjoe pratically oozes sexuality in clips from this new J.J. Abrams show. He sizzles and pops, but he alone could not bring this show into my top five. 

6. Lone Star – James Wolk‘s boy next door adorableness makes me want to melt, which is probably how he has been able to be a successful con man. I’m certain that the producers of this show are banking on it’s star’s hotness to make his two-timing ways more palatable. He might get all the babes on the show, but the lack of other men to ogle also causes this show to stay out of the top five. 

5. Hellcats – The CW knows how to play by the rules of television and this show is does not stray from the party line. Sex is the centerpiece of this cheerleading centered show and boy are these some lucky cheerleaders. There is a wide array of man candy to choose from including Robbie Jones, Matt Barr, Jeff Hephner, & Craig Anderson. They even have D. B. Woodside to appeal to more mature audiences. They have my attention. 

Jason Ritter

4. Raising Hope – The adorable Lucas Neff and the sexy Garrett Dillahunt make this show rise to the top my spank bank this season. Incomprehensibly they play father and son on this new comedy from Fox. Let’s hope they can keep the sexiness alive. 

3. The Event – After one week of this show, I have no idea what it is about. I do know that the men on it are incredibly sexy. Jason Ritter has become the hot go to young man on television and Blair Underwood has become the hot go to man to play the president. Throw in Gilmore Girl’s alum Scott Patterson and you have covered all your bases. 

Alex O'Loughlin

2. Chase – I really don’t want to watch this show at all, but the casting directors knew what they were doing. Cole Hauser, Marco Martinez, & Jesse Metcalfe are enough to make me forget that this show is about some chick who does stuff and just might be able to get me to watch something on NBC not starring Tina Fey. 

1. Hawaii Five-O – And the creme de la cream you pants cast on this reboot is the hottest new offering this year. Lost’s Daniel Dae-Kim stayed in Hawaii to work on this show and our libidos are grateful. Scott Caan‘s face might be a bit Taylor Lautner-esque but as long as he is shirtless I don’t mind. But the true star of this show is Alex O’Loughlin’s torso. No one can compete with that. No One. 

Phew…that was a lot of oggling and evaluating of men. I can’t believe I made it through, but it was completely selfless folks. I wanted you to all know what hotness you had on your hands this year. Let me know if you dispute my rankings…or if there are any hotties I’ve missed.

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Hot Men, or How to Know if a Show is Good: Part 1

12 Comments Posted by on September 25, 2010

Now that most of the networks have had a chance to show you the new shows they have to offer this season, it is time for Cocky & Rude to get to work deciding which ones are the best and which ones are born to fail. Being a major homo I am naturally going to base this entirely on the hotness or notness of the men on each freshman offering. In fact, I didn’t even watch most of these new shows, but that doesn’t stop me from looking at their casts on IMDB and deciding who is fit to hit my sheets.

Since television sucks so much that most networks have to refill their entire lineups each year, there are 23 new shows with that needed rating. I only focused on scripted shows because it is just no fun ranking the hotness of “real” people on reality shows. Today we will cover the bottom 15 and tomorrow you can read the top 8 shows according to hot dudeliness.

Billy Gardell

23.Mike & Molly - I might be biased against this show since I dated a girl in high school who was named Molly, but I’m not thrilled with what it has to offer. Billy Gardell just doesn’t make my motor run. Someone might want to let CBS know that working class people are not all large and in charge.

22. Boardwalk Empire – HBO’s latest Sopranos might be high on drama, but it is low in men worthy of my humble attention. Steve Buscemi is creepy and Michael Pitt looks like someone flattened his face with a rolling pin.

21. The Defenders – Can someone please let Jerry O’Connell know that he is doing new shows every year? I’m convinced that he thinks that he is in some post-modern show that changes premises every 6 months. Also, he and Jim Belushi might be cute and/or handsome to some, but they just don’t cause my p33n to rise to their defense.

Alfred Molina

20. Law & Order: Los Angeles – Dick Wolf might have cast every available man in LA, but he never quite got the hot. Terrence Howard and Skeet Ulrich bring some spice to the mix, but the rugged looks of Peter Coyote and the ginormity of Alfred Molina‘s head don’t pass the bar.

19. Running Wilde - This show’s Will Arnett is a funny guy, but making me laugh doesn’t always make me want to drop my pants and play. I’m going to leave this one to Amy.

18. Detroit 1-8-7 – This show has a lot of men in it and quite a bit of acting talent, but the looks are so NYPD Blue 1994. Boring.

William Shatner

17. $#*! My Dad Says – Sure William Shatner and Will Sasso are funny guys, but being funny to look at does not help them in this ranking. However, Jonathan Sadowski‘s cool sexiness saved this show from the very bottom of the heap.

16. My Generation – Mehcad Brooks may have been shot on True Blood, but he is alive and seducing somewhere else. He is gorgeous. Unfortunately this show is not on HBO, so less skin means lower ranking.

15. Outlaw – When I look at this show I say, I want Jimmy Smits to be my dad and I want to do naughty things with Jesse Bradford behind the judges desk. If I wanted Jimmy Smits to be my daddy, this show would have landed in the top ten, but c’est la vie.

Tom Selleck

14. Blue Bloods – I do want Tom Selleck to be my daddy! Oh and Will Estes and Donnie Wahlberg could play along too. Throw in their cop uniforms and I’m very glad to be cuffed and searched by these manly men.

13. No Ordinary Family – Michael Chiklis‘s scary eyes almost landed this one much lower on the list, but former Weeds cast member Romany Malco was on the scene to save the day. I would totally go Nancy Botwin on that.

12. Outsourced – The mediocrity of this pilot was salvaged by the utter adorableness of it’s star Ben Rappaport and supporting actor Sacha Dhawan. If these two boys keep smiling like they do from week to week, I’m going to watch even if the dialogue is predictable.

Shane West

11. Nikita - For a show about a killer female babe, this show has two very hot men on it. I always struggle with the fact that I find Shane West attractive, but I guess I’m coming out here and now. Aaron Stanford rounds out the hot and anchors it in pure CW territory.

10. Better With You - I have no idea what this show is about and I really don’t care. I saw pictures of stars Josh Cooke and Jake Lacy while doing my research and I wanted to see them, together. So I hope this show takes a turn toward hardcore gay porn.

9. The Whole Truth – Northern Exposures Rob Morrow is looking damn sexy with that scruff. This shows that change is good. He went from bore me to bang me. I hope Maura Tierney doesn’t mind.

Wow…that was a long list already. Can you handle the hotness? Join me tomorrow as we count down to the sexiest show on the air.

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Hey Look –> It's the Friday Five!

8 Comments Posted by on September 24, 2010

It’s been a long time since our last Friday Five.  Too long.  It’s unacceptable!  So Mikey and I are here to remedy that emptiness that you’re feeling.  Or maybe you’re just feeling gas?  Try burping … you might feel better.  Oh great, now you’ve puked a little in your mouth.  Is it better to swallow it back down or spit it out?  To spit or swallow, I never know…  And while you consider your options, check out our five!

It’s Premiere Week! (by Adam)
Just about every network show worth watching premiered their new seasons this week.  Forget about your personal life, your job, your friends and your family commitments… because TV is more important.  I’ve actually given up sleep, and it’s still just the first week!  So far I’ve watched Sons of Anarchy, Parenthood, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Boardwalk Empire, How I Met Your Mother, Weeds, The C Word, The Event, Glee, Undercovers, Modern Family, Law & Order SVU, Cougar Town, Community, 30 Rock, Grey’s Anatomy, The Office, Outsourced, Smallville, Flipping Out, Top Chef and Top Chef Just Desserts.  There might be more.  I think I have a problem.

Mel Gibson’s Fake Mustache (by Adam)
 He may be a despicably homophobic, racist and abusive bible-thumping maniac … but have you seen his fake mustache?  It’s hilarious!  It’s glorious!  He actually may have stolen it from Wilford Brimley!  It’s so funny that it makes me want to forgive him for everything he’s ever done (featuring: panting and wheezing between maniacal screams).  I guess he was attempting to evade paparazzi when he dressed up with a fake mustache, nose, glasses, hat and what may or may not have been a pillow under his ugly flannel shirt.  I love it.  I’m suddenly drawn to any of his future projects!  All his mistakes are forgiven!  Oh, except for when he called that cop, “sugar tits.”  Cuz that is far too hilarious to ever forget.

Rachel Maddow: Lesbian Vampire (by Mikey)
Now that the third season of True Blood has come to a lackluster end, I needed to get my blood sucking accomplished through other sources. I was delightfully amused to find the clip below from the Rachel Maddow show in which Ms. Maddow confronts a youtuber who has some interesting theories about her true nature. As usual, Ms. Maddow responds with humor and intelligence.

Positive Moves (by Mikey)
Have you ever wondered how star of stage and screen Ms. Angela Lansbury has been able to keep her sex appeal into her 80s? Well the answer lies in Positive Moves! Positive Moves is her masterful and thorough workout video that shows us all how to maintain a healthy outlook on life and your body. If you have ever wanted to see a woman in her prime rubbing her hands all over her own body this is the video for you! And let’s not even talk about her clothes. They are to die for. And don’t give up too soon…it get’s really sexy around 6:30…

Fall (by Mikey)
We are burning through 2010 at an alarming rate. It seems like just yesterday Adam was pestering me to write my very first very lame blog post, but now I’m a seasoned blogger milking my readers for comments and frustrating Adam with my lack of commas. We are also entering my favorite season: Fall, or as my pretentious priss of a coblogger calls it Autumn. There is a mild chill in the air and the nights are getting progressively cooler. We are bundling up (and some of us even cuddling up) to watch way too much tv and the leaves are slowly changing into the golden ambers, port wine cheese pinks, and pumpkin-inflected oranges. It is quite simply the most beautiful time to be me.

So there you have them folks: Premiere Week, Mel Gibson’s Fake Mustache, Rachel Maddow: Lesbian Vampire, Positive Moves, and Fall. What do you think of our five? Did we miss anything great? Or just tell us what your five favo things are this week? Leave it in the comments peeps. Yes, I did just write peeps. Deal with it.

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